Dear Readers, I will never forget the moment that I started blogging, a moment that would change my life forever . After graduating from university the month before, I felt empty and lost, like my life had no real purpose. It was nothing to do with 'finding a career' type hopelessness but the feeling of being alone. Despite living with friends, uni had come to an end and I knew that sooner or later we would love on with our lives and be connected only by a slim link, while being pulled into alternate worlds where education ceases to exist. We had officially become adults and for many it was a time of 'excitement' but for me I felt different, in fact I felt miserable. I was suffering from ... read more
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The Truth About The Second Date Club
Why does it always come to this? I finally meet a guy I like, who seems to like me back and then poof, as if by magic they disappear. Suddenly all the flashbacks from the nights past turn sour and I think to myself was it just me or was I on a different date? I shouldn’t do it but I always blame myself, thinking that I am unworthy of a second date, thinking why me. It depresses me and suddenly I am aware of being caught in the chasm of time. All around me friends are getting married, having children and here I am, unable to get past the second date club. I think to myself that I have finally found someone who likes me for who I am, but I guess I am always wrong. They laugh at my jokes, ... read more
Why Everyone Deserves A Second Chance
Maybe I am just being naive or I'd like to think that people can change, but I am a firm believer in giving people a second chance. We all f**k up, we all make mistakes so why are we going to stop being friends with someone because they f**ked up? Growing up I was bullied, abused and went through a lot of hard s**t that I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemies. But did I let that change the person I was and make other people feel as terrible as they had made me? No mam, I always treated people how I wanted to be treated and that was with loving kindness and affection. I never once deliberately went out of my way to hurt peoples feelings or make them feel as small as they had made me. Even my ... read more
How Music Got Me Through Some Dark S**t
Music has always been a big part of my life and as cringe as it sounds, it helped me get through some pretty dark s**t. At night as the world came to a standstill, I would plug in my earphones and breathe a sigh of relief, no one could hurt me in this world of music I had created, no one could take away my identity. They say that your music taste says a lot about who you are as a person and the saying is largely true. When I was anxious or depressed the more harrowing melodies of Adele and Beyonce would drift seamlessly out of my earphones, allowing me to channel my anguish and hurt in a safe space. When I felt happy or wanted to get in the mood for a party, house music and 'club tunes' ... read more
Learning To Be Kind To Ourselves: Wellness For 2017
Being kind to myself was something that I struggled with for most of my life, I had negative thoughts daily and struggled to see that there was a light at the end of the tunnel. I was bullied, abused and abandoned and used to think that there would be no way out of the vicious cycle but there was and I found a way out. But still the negativity remained and despite my accomplishments there would always be something that I would criticize, because I never believed that I was good enough. When it came to dealing with rejection I was a novice and saw it as a 'failure' rather than something I could progress from and when I made a mistake I was angry at myself for falling down. As humans we are ... read more
A Letter To My Foster Mum
You were the mother that my mother never was; strong, maternal and kind. When my mum left in the middle of the night, without saying a word, my dad did his best to pick up the pieces but he was struggling on his own. I was two years old, how could my dad tell me that the woman who had given birth to me, who spent her pregnancy dreaming of her 'perfect baby girl' was gone and didn't even have the courage to say goodbye? She was 19 when she had me and 21 when she left and over-time I learnt she had started a new family with a man who treated her like the princess that she so wanted to be. She was never coming home again and as harsh as it sounds I had to wake up to the reality of a one-parent ... read more
How Blogging Changed My Life
Its July 20th 2015 and as I collect my degree I look at the hordes of people waiting in the wings, clapping and cheering. But I don't feel elated, I feel broken inside and the cheers ring false in my ears. I am congratulated and given well wishes by people I know I will never see again but in that moment we feel connected, we feel alive. Except the reality soon hit and that broken feeling that I had felt was only a pre-cursor of what was to come. I was burnt out, tired and sick and as I chronicled in 'living with an invisible illness', I was fighting a battle that seemed dangerously close to the edge. The doctors didn't know what was wrong and told me I was fine, despite me being in constant ... read more
Dear Aunty: A Letter To My Valentine
Dear Aunty, I remember when you held me as a child, I could feel the maternal warmth radiating from me as you cradled me like your own. You used to tell me that I was one of the two people you loved most in the world-the other being my cousin- and how you made me feel wanted and loved. I grew up in a carwreck of a childhood, abandoned by my mother and abused by my fathers wife, the stepmum. You tried to help me escape but then my dad turned against you and his family, because that woman poisoned him against the people that mattered the most. You never gave up on me though, no matter what they said or did you would be the first person to look out for me and love me like your own daughter. ... read more
Why It’s Ok To Be Single On Valentines Day
For years I leapt from doomed relationship, to relationship because I thought that being alone on Valentine's day, was the ultimate indicator of your 'inevitable spinsterhood'. I was conditioned from a young age into believing that to be single was against social norms, whereas relationships were indicative of your desirability, a theory that I now debunk. It was an unsettling time growing up and as I wrote in ' 'Why I Am Staying Single This Valentines Day', I would enter a series of relationships, only to get my heart trampled on, all because I wanted to be seen as attractive, wanted and above all loved. Largely in relation to the bullying and abuse that I faced as a young child and teen, I ... read more
Why You Should Live Life In The Moment
Live Life Like Each Day Is Your Last It was when I was binge watching episodes of my new favourite TV show that it hit me. When was the last time that I lived life in the moment, like each day was my last? When was the last time that I lived with reckless abandon and felt the wind running through my hair? We all do it, I mean live life as though it was a structured routine. We go to the same places and go to bed at the same time. We bemoan all the things we can't do and make excuses for why life is not going the way that it should be. I have lost count of the amount of times I have made excuses for not being able to go on holiday or go out because of money issues. But it is my own fault, ... read more
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