From a young age I have struggled with my body image; I have a disorder known as BDD (Body Dysmorphic Disorder ) which alters my perception of how I see myself in the mirror and how I ‘believe’ others see me. I grew up with poor self confidence; I was abused by my stepmother and bullied throughout my teenage and young adult years, for the way that I looked, including being ‘too skinny‘ for societies personal tastes. I was called anorexic, skinny, scrawny and a bag of bones to name a few and was often taunted for having ‘small boobs‘ because according to the bullies I looked like a ‘boy’. The more people were negative about my weight, the more I became obsessed about the way I looked, constantly checking myself in mirrors, not as a show of vanity but to find constant criticism about the way I looked. When I was rejected by guys, I told myself it was because they thought I was unattractive and when people commented saying I ‘needed to put on weight’ I cried.
Learning how to overcome BDD, is never an easy road to recovery and while some days are worse than others, I no longer hate the body I am in. I have grown to love my small boobs and be okay with my slim, petite figure. I am not perfectly happy with the way I look by any means, but I am proud that I have taken the steps to be more kind towards my body, especially now that summer is here. Being uncomfortable in my own skin, means that I very rarely wear a bikini or a swimsuit, because I am always conscious of how I will appear to others. But I have realized now that I need to stop giving a f**k about what other people think and start concentrating on how I can learn to love myself. As my idol Ru Paul once said ‘If you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else?’. I am slowly making progress though, at the age of 15/16 I never wore dresses and would wear baggy clothing to hide my body from others and now look at me, freaking rocking a swimsuit!
When it comes to choosing swimwear, it always sends me into a panic. I fixate on the comments that people will make ‘you have no boobs why are you wearing that’ or ‘your not curvy enough to wear that’, all comments that are often said in good jest, but being the sensitive soul that I am, I take it to heart. I remember a fellow blogger who made comments about my ‘weight’ saying that I was not ‘curvy enough’ to be as ‘big as her’ as though weight is a indicator of success and how bad it made me feel about myself. This year though, there are no f**ks given, take it or leave it you don’t need to be a particular weight to wear any item of clothing no matter what fashion magazines say. If I listened to half of the advice that well meaning friends or family said to me about clothing choices ‘oh why are you wearing a low cut top, you have no boobs!’ I would be dressed in a freaking sack half of the time. Sorry not today Satan.
But why did I go for a ‘one piece’ rather than a bikini, if I am learning to be body positive, with swimwear specialist Simply Beach? Put simply, being ‘body confident’ or positive is not measured by ‘what you wear’ but how it makes you feel. As much as I love bikini’s the majority of the time they make me feel self conscious, whereas I love the retro silhouette of an ‘all in one’ which creates the illusion of a fuller figure. I am not worrying about how my ‘boobs look’ or whether my food baby has launched itself into the unsuspecting world, instead I feel sassy as f**k and honestly that’s a freaking great feeling to have. Simply Beach not only taught me that it’s ok to rock a ‘hourglass silhouette’ with a petite figure, but that regardless of figure type, cup size or views on body image, finding a swimsuit to help you feel ‘body positive’ has never been easier.
And here is where the exciting news comes in. As of today, I have found out that my entry into winning a holiday in Tuscany ( you can find the winning post HERE) was declared the ‘ultimate winner’ and this has given me even more incentive to stop covering up and embrace the body that I have been given. So bullies be damned, I will wear those swimsuits and bikinis and believe me I will wear the f**k out of them, whether the trolls like it or not. No longer will I let their careless whispers about my weight affect me any longer, like the leeches that they are, I will brush away their insults and feel comfortable in my own skin. Because it is not just Simply Beach, River Island or other brands that have taught me to be body confident, it is also you my readers who have inspired me too.
Bloggers like Laura from What Laura Loves, have taught me to love the bodies we have been given because whether society likes it or not, no two figures are the same. Whether you are plus size, slim, athletic, muscly or petite, we should appreciate the fact that we are all made to be different and embrace our uniqueness. Don’t let the people around you feel bad about yourself, buy clothes that make you feel good, surround yourself with people who make you smile and above all love yourself deeply. It saddens me when people are negative about other people’s body image, because the long term consequences of your words can often be damaging.
You might think its ok to use that one word about someone else’s weight but what you don’t realize is how it can make them feel bad about themselves for a very long time. When bullies referred to Tiffany as the ‘big girl’ she lost a lot of weight and was unhappy in the body she was in. All because of that one comment, Tiffany had found it hard to accept the figure that she had and to this day, she struggles with seeing her body in a positive light. While its a long journey to accepting who she is, Tiffany has stated that she is learning to love her body more and more each day, and as someone who has BDD it gives me hope, that I too can be thankful for having a unique figure. Regardless of what society might deem as ‘attractive’, I couldn’t give two hoots and that’s the truth.
What Makes You Feel Body Positive?
Please note I was gifted this swimsuit and a hamper in exchange for this post but this does not affect my views and all opinions are my own.
Shop The Look
*Affiliate Links & Original Choker From Bella Donna Boutique
Shop Floral Halterneck Swimsuits Below
Shop A Similar Look Below