Bringing Colour Into Your Home This Christmas With Amara Living
When it comes to your ‘average Christmas Palette’ during the festive season, nothing screams ‘festivity’ more than a delicious combination of ‘green and red’. In fact you only need to step into my foster mum’s house to believe that you have set foot in Santa’s Grotto, with a beautiful red and green ribbon fir tree wreath as you enter the hallway, and a multitude of classic ‘Christmas decor’ with a Christmas Tree fit for Santa himself. But what if I told you that it is ok to go against the grain and bring some ‘colour’ into your home that is more ‘reminiscent of summer’ than a frozen winter season, glazed with frosted ice. Because lets face it, if you are a part time mermaid and unicorn at weekends like me, when it comes to colour, you practically bathe in joy every morning. And thanks to Amara Living, you too can turn your home into a Mermaid’s paradise. Or ya know if flamingos are more your thing, then don’t worry there is a niche for that!
From inflatable flamingos that you can use as a ‘drink cooler’ to keep your ‘booze popping’ to cactus candles that can remind your guests of summers on Long Island Beach, who says that you need a Christmas Tree to celebrate the festivities ? After all as all good mermaids know, bringing the beach into your home all year round is kind of what us mermaids do best. And let’s not forget the merman languishing in the shallow depths of the sea, waiting for his mermaid to rescue him. Don’t worry boys, I got you covered;From an inflatable drinks holder shaped like a pineapple to a banana leaf palm tree chair, that will have your guests questioning your sanity, this Christmas why not lose your marbles and pretend that its not secretly -10 out there. Oh and an extra bonus treat for those who like to uphold the traditional Christmas tradition and go skinny dipping on Christmas Day. Although why anyone would happily forgo their clothes to watch their willy shrivel up and die a slow death is beyond me. But hey ho, gotta give props to them for trying!
The Cactus Candle
Why settle for a boring old Christmas Tree to decorate your home, when you can have tall, small and chunky cactus candles at your every wish and command? Taken from the Australian Brand ‘Sunnylife’ the brand’s desire to bring ‘summer into the home’ of its transatlantic customers, remains just an attractive prospect now in the heart of winter, as it did in the summer when it was perfectly acceptable to wear your bikini in the middle of the street and have randomers crash your photoshoot as you posed in a giagantic swan. Or maybe that is just me… With everything from inflatable toucans to blow up ‘watermelon balls’, I’m not sure if either my foster mum or my aunty are going to be too happy about me gatecrashing their ‘perfect Christmas decorations’ with inflatables in tow, but one thing is for certain I know they LURVE candles so they’re just going to have to ‘suck it up’. Sorry mate you invite a mermaid over for Christmas, so she needs all her creature comforts ya know?! With every cactus candle imaginable, why buy plants that can die when you can have cactuses all year round, without needing to feed them. Because if your anything like me then you’re most likely to forget about your poor plant children and come back horrified because you realized you didn’t feed them over Christmas.
With 30 hours burn time, an alternative use for the cactus candle this Christmas, is to pretend you are setting up shrine to your ‘future Merman husband’ and sing the classics like ‘O Holy Merman’ or ‘We Wish You a Merry ‘Mer-mas’, in the hopes that your merman will break into your home late night. On second thoughts a man breaking into your home at 3 AM is kind of creepy, so maybe stick to knocking at her door like a normal sane person.
Best For Dendrophiliac’s (Tree Lovers) & Mermaids/Mermans Who Are In Search Of Their Long Lost Lovers
The Flamingo Eyemask
If there is one thing I know about Christmas it is how to be a ‘grumpy fart’ and completely ruin the Christmas spirit. And if you are a grumpy cat like me and wish that Mariah Carey’s All I Want For Christmas’ wouldn’t start playing every five f**king seconds then congratulations, join the club. But unlike us grumpy patrons, there are people who actually love Christmas. In fact I have seen grown adults get up at 5 AM just so that they can ransack all the presents and drink all the booze. And then laugh at their crying child who is wondering where all their ‘special Christmas Chocolate went’ because the parents know it was them who ate it in the middle of the night. Then like the kind and maternal parents that they are, they blame it on Santa who they said ‘needed fuel to go back home to The North Pole’ instead of owning up to eating it themselves. So you imagine my horror finding out that ‘adults tell us to be good’ but are even worse behaved then we are as kids. I tell you what that was a good life lesson.
But what on earth does that have to do with freaking Flamingo Eye Masks I hear you ask? Well its simple, if you are a Grumpus who wants to throw the TV out the window everytime you hear a Christmas song, want to cry when your child thinks its funny to declare it ‘morning time’ at 2 AM and would rather gouge your eyeballs out then be forced to be decorate the Christmas tree for the upteenth time, then don’t worry I totally get you. Enter the eye mask; not just a mechanism to catch up on your tiddly winks but the ultimate anti-Christmas gift. Just picture the scene, everyone’s chanting Christmas lyrics as per usual and your uncle got a bit drunk and has his head stuck in the punch bowl again. Instead of losing your cool, simply retreat into the confines of your bedroom sanctuary, slip into your finest PJ’s and snuggle up in bed, while you pretend to be asleep. I mean your kids might jump all over you, but eight hours later I’m sure they’ll get tired and leave you alone. So channel your inner flamingo and bring some colour into your home this Christmas without needing to f**king swear every five seconds. OOPS!
Best For ‘Grumpy Farts’ Who Would Rather Gouge Their Eyes Out Then Listen To One More F**king Carol Singer
The Brightly Patterned Wallpaper
Do you fancy yourself as being a ‘pompous swan with a know it all attitude’? Have you been known to clear out entire rooms with the sound of your own voice? And have you ever decided to sneak into someones else’s house to ‘redecorate their rooms’ in the hope of making them look more ‘cool’? If you have answered yes to all these questions then congratulations you just won the lottery, well nearly. Allow me to present to you this seasons hottest accessory, a new wall. Tired of looking at the same bland wall over and over again and wish that your kid’s scribbled ‘love letters to Mummy & Daddy’ weren’t quite so in your face, everytime your ‘posh friends come round’? Well thanks to my friends at the ‘Pompous Swans HQ’ they will happily turn your children’s ‘lovely drawings’ into a glorious ‘Swan Lake’ where for some reason the water is ‘yellow’ instead of ‘blue’. Hey, I never said that the Swans were realistic did I?
So if you fancy yourself as being an egomaniac, like the swans at the HQ and think nothing of plastering your stepsisters wall with an image of your spirit animal aka the swan, then Amara Living has got just the wallpaper to suit you. Perfect for pissing your family off on this joyous festive occasion!
Best For Pompous Swans & Their ‘Unsuffering Snobbiness’
The Neon Cactus Light
Maybe ‘party’ is your middle name and you would quite like to get totally wasted this Christmas and drown your sorrows in a bottle of wine or 5. Well it looks like the cactus strikes again because thanks to those colourful beasts at Sunnylife, they got you a neon light that is guaranteed to make you party so hard that you end up in someone else’s bathtub on NYE again! From cactuses to neon flamingos and random colourful lobsters, get your Christmas looking colourful again with neon lights that wouldn’t be seen amiss in Walthamstow’s very own ‘Gods Junkyard’. While Christmas lights are usually the ‘order of the day’, this year summer never went away with neon delights to suit all niche fantasies. Whether your spirit animal is a flamingo or your a plant lover who would quite literally get married to a cactus and forgo all men, Amara Living’s got you boo.
Best For Those Who Like To Wake Up In Someone Else’s Bath This NYE
The Luxe ‘Inflatable’
Now do you know what would be funny this Christmas Day? If you got into your cute ass flamingo or Swan and pretended to swim in the middle of the living room, while your family watches on ‘aghast’. And it would be even funnier if you changed into your swimsuit, grabbed a couple of drinks and continue to swim absentmindedly, as your mum shakes her head in horrified amusement, wondering how she ever gave birth to you. Although come to think of it, you were pretty much swimming out of your mum’s vagina the minute that you ‘entered the world’. Now enough of the crudeness, when it comes to ‘floats’ I can imagine you are probably a bit confused as to how Amara can bring colour into your home this Christmas. Well as usual I got a little creative and came up with some options for you: enter the luxe inflatable ‘creature’ that can be used as a colourful Christmas Tree Base, be used as a ship to sail away when someone brings out beef at the Christmas table and you’re a vegetarian or even as a centerpiece for your Christmas Dinner. And they said that Santa couldn’t perform miracles. I mean he’s not real but get yourself an even more ‘fake mythological’ character to fall in love with like the Merman Queen, whose been selling inflatables on ‘the sly’ to all her merman lovers since 1999.
Best For The Mermaids Who Can’t Actually Swim
Please note some of the items are PR samples and the post is also ‘sponsored’ but this does not affect my thoughts and all opinions are my own.