Whether you are married, single or dating again, relationships and marriages after 50 are often typecast as being centered around companionship, friendship and emotional support. And while (like any relationship) communication makes up a huge part of your love life, many mature daters also enjoy the physical intimacy of a good sex life too. From being open minded and trying new things to toys in the bedroom, there are so many ways to spice up your sex life after 50, irrespective of the ageist attitudes portrayed by the media.
Though the media might represent older men and women as being or feeling sexually stalled because of their age, these archaic stereotypes are actually damaging to a mature person’s sex life, who might internalize commentary about them as gospel truth. For example common vocabulary used to describe mature daters include ‘frail’ , ‘past their sell by date’ and ‘senile’, which is not only a form of discrimination, but also an example of social oppression. In dating especially, mature daters might feel nervous to act or speak a certain way because of how it can be interepreted by society.
For example mature daters might not want to try new things, be open about their sex lives or talk about any sexual issues that they may have, whether that be erectile dysfunction, vaginal dryness or a loss of interest in sex, because there are social constructs in place that try and prevent them from doing so. If they dress ‘hip and young’ society accuses them of not dressing appropriately for their age, if they swear, they are seen as not behaving like a model citizen and if they talk about sex, they are seen as not ‘acting their age’.
But that’s just bullcrap, your age should not define the way you speak, think and do, just as it shouldn’t define what you wear, how you live your life and how sexually active you want to be. If you want to be in an open relationship go for it, if you want to try swinging for seniors, then do as your please or if you have been single for a whole and want to start dating again, who gives a s**t what other people think?
There’s a popular misconception that older people lose interest in sex, and while you can have a decrease in libido, there are many men and women who are enjoying sex well into their 60’s and 70’s. In fact it is not your age itself that decreases erections or increases vaginal dryness, but it is actually the health problems that become more common with age like heart disease and the drugs to treat them that has an impact.
So stop thinking about sex as a number associated with your age, and start thinking about it as a way to boost your mental health, improve your relationship and find new ways to spice up your sex life after 50 today. Whether you are looking to foster intimate and open discussions around sex, want to talk about your fantasies, what you like or don’t like or frank talks on sexual health, there is no need to feel ashamed or embarrased.
Be Open Minded And Try New Sexual Experiences
No matter how old you are, it is so important to try and be open minded, even if it means trying something out of your comfort zone. Obviously it goes without saying that you have to be comfortable, especially when it comes to sex, but don’t be afraid to challenge your own expectations and push your boundaries to have a more satisfactory sex life. For example let’s say that you are looking for ways to spice up your sex life after 50, and you have never tried using sex toys. This can be a great tool to use to boost your self-confidence and self-esteem.
Or perhaps you want to try an open relationship and broaden your horizons, even if it feels like the most terrifying thing you have ever tried. As long as you stay safe, noone can judge you for wanting to have a more fufilled sex life, whether that be with a partner, through casual sex, swinging or through your own self-pleasure.
In fact there has been a rise in older swingers, who are having sex with other people, to keep their relationships fresh. They are taking charge of their own sexual gratification, throwing society’s so called rule book out of the window and being sexually adventorous, while challenging damaging stereotypes of the fragility of an older population.
Swingers are couples or singles who choose to have an open relationship, allowing their partners to have sex with other people, with their permission, of course. Couples who decide to go swinging have set rules that they follow so that neither party is hurt, and they are selective about choosing other people who they decide to have sex with.
For example some older swingers might like to spice up their love life, by choosing who their partner is ‘going to swing with’ so that both partners can feel dominant and in control of their sexual destiny. They may feel reassured as they know their partner will take into consideration their likes and dislikes in the bedroom, and both parties can have fantastic sex without feeling like they’ve done something wrong.
Other rules in the swinging world can be keeping their ‘swingers life’ and their ‘love life’ private. For example lets say you meet someone at a swinging party, and both you and your partner hook up with someone there. The key is to retain anonymity and not bring the person home, so that you don’t get both lives confused. By all means you can discuss the swingers sex with your actual partner, just as long as you don’t let it affect your love life.
The key is to communicate with your partner, whether that be talking about your swinging experience afterwards, being vocal about the type of sex you are after or even explaining why swinging or the thought of swinging is a turn on for you. Going swinging does not mean that something is missing from your relationship, it might just mean that you want to try something new.
For some couples they might want to find ways to spice up their love life after 50, especially if they have been together for a years. Sometimes the sex can become predictable, the qualms of everyday life might get you down and the pressure to conform to societal standards can all have an impact placing you in a sex rut. Which is why the idea of being sexually adventorous can be appealing because its a break in your routine.
Just make sure that you are both on the same page when it comes to trying new sexual experiences, because both you and your partner should feel comfortable with what you are doing. If you want to try something new, or are curious that is fine but nerves can get the better of us and sometimes we feel pressured to try something that we aren’t really comfortable doing.
So if you want to try swinging, have an open relationship or even focus on your own self pleasure be mindful of how ‘everyone’ in the relationship feels. Well apart from masturbation of course, you can pleasure yourself til’ the cows come home.
Other Examples Of New Sexual Experiences
- Sexting Or Webcam
- Being A Nudist
Use Sex Toys To Spice Up Your Love Life
Whether you are 25, 45 or 75, using sex toys is a great way to get kinky in the bedroom and make sex fun again. Not only are sex toys empowering but they can also boost your confidence and self-esteem and make you feel like your some kind of sex goddess. And while we already challenged the social constructs the media has perpetuated against the elderly in general, contrary to popular belief, getting older does not automatically turn off your ‘horn dog switch’.
In fact it can be quite the opposite, with many men and women entering their ‘sexual revolution’ during later years, because they are more experienced, know what they want and get less hung up on what they look like or act like in the bedroom. With or without sex toys, finding ways to spice up your sex life after 50 is more than just the physical activity itself, but rather how it can boost your health.
For example did you know that sex can guard against prostate cancer in men, help partners stay supple and active and even have a stimulating and protective effect on brain function? As we got older it is not just our bodies that age but our brains too, and keeping sexually active can slow down the detoriation rate, keeping us in good physical, as well as mental shape.
Sex toys, as well as swinging and experimental sex can take the pressure off intercourse with your partner, as you don’t neccessarily need to have sex to be satisfied. Purchasing sex toys such as dildos, vibrators or sex accessories like handcuffs and blindfolds can add a bit of mystery and fun into the relationship. Because couples might need more stimulation as they age, a vibrator could be very pleasurable indeed.
A survey by Mr & Mrs Toy, makers of the award-winning sex toy the O-Wand, showed that people who were born in the ‘swinging sixties’ and beyond are friskier than the public might think. Not only did the survey find that more than a quarter own a sex toy (27%), but data also showed that almost a fifth said they still masturbate two to three times a week, and one in 10 use masturbation to relax.
The over 55’s category are more sexually active than ever, and with changing attitudes towards sex and how we give ourselves ‘self-love’, owning a sex toy never felt so freeing. What was once a taboo is now something that we discuss openly on the tube, communicate directly with our partners and be more focused on pleasuring ourselves for sexual release.
As well as relieving pressure and making you relax, using toys are also great for boosting your mental health as well. Not only does having sex increase the levels of oxytoxin which reduces stress and anxiety, but it can also have a positive effect on how blood vessels react, which could improve your blood pressure. What’s more sex is also a natural form of pain relief, because it releases endorphins that control how pain affects you. For example let’s say that you have cramps. While sex might be the last thing on your mind it can actually help you feel better.
With mood boosting effects and a positive impact on your mental health, sex toys can be used in solo play, with a partner, during casual sex (r.e. at a swingers party) or even in group sex scenarios. From vibrators, to anal beads, right through to dildo’s, strap ons or bullets, pick a sex toy that’ll help you own your sexual narrative and find unique ways to spice up your sex life after 50 today.
Sex Toy Brands To Spice Up Your Sex Life After 50
- LELO- Best For Vibrators
- Hanx- Best For Condoms
- Bijoux Indiscreets- Best For Lingerie
- Blush Novelties – Best For Eco Friendly Toys
Last but not least, communication. Communication is the glue that keeps a relationship alive, helps couples feel closer and can improve your sex life tenfold. From speaking openly and honestly about about your likes and dislikes, to letting your partner know when you are and aren’t satisfied, it is so important to be honest about your sexual experience. Although you might be afraid of hurting your partners feelings, you want to be on the same page sexually and ensure that you are both sexually satisfied.
The frequency of sexual communication is vital. From talking about the emotional nature of sex, to being vocal about what is turning you on, or new sexual experiences like swinging that you want to try, don’t let fear stop you from speaking up and having the best sex of your life. After all, if you are communicating about sex often, you are more likely to be in tune with each others sexual needs in the long term.
Because predictability in the bedroom, as you get older is increasingly apparent so it’s important to think of new and exciting ways to keep sexy time fresh. Even if you prefer to talk about your sex fantasties over text, or feel more comfortable putting what you want out there in writing, that’s ok too. Whether you want to write ‘sex notes’ detailing what you want your partner to do to you, went to give sexting a whirl or want to try a new sex position don’t let what society deems as appropriate stop you from living your very best sex life.
After all good sex isn’t just about what you do but also about what you say. I know it might seem a bit awkward being open and honest about fetishes you might have, new places that you want to have sex in or sex games you want try, but if you don’t ask, you don’t know. You might seem a bit hestitant about trying new things at first, especially if they are out of your comfort zone but be open minded and give things a try.
Finding new ways to spice up your sex life after 50 might seem daunting, but with communication, patience and a willingness to step outside of what we know, we can find our inner sex gurus once more. The question is what will you choose to try next?
What Are Your Tips For Spicing Up Your Sex Life After 50?
Please note this is a collaborative post but all thoughts are my own and are not affected by monetary compensation.