A year ago today I was trapped in a job that was making me miserable and forcing myself to get out of bed in the early hours of the morning, for a job that didn’t even make me happy. I would trudge through the motions, robotic and stiff, unmotivated by the thought of yet another day feeling like I was wasting precious time. I thought this was what I wanted, more financial freedom, a chance to make new connections but it turns out that I was wrong. Familiar faces would dissipate into nothingness and all I saw was clouded darkness, simmering with the calamity of the unknown. I didn’t know it then, but a few months later I would jack it all in and step into the light, into a brighter future where I had the freedom to make my own choices. For 2017 was the year that everything changed, where the world seemed laced with sweet promises and the rule book had been thrown out the window… it was time to make a change.
I Left A Toxic House Where I Was Made To Feel Uncomfortable
I suppose we should start at the beginning; I had just moved into my second room in London, in a bustling community in East London. Everything should have been perfect, except it wasn’t. I lived with a landlord and his family, who at first seemed nice. I can almost hear you say ‘they all do’ , but as someone who likes to see the good in others, I dismissed their erratic behavior with excuses. But let me tell you something, its not normal to be living in a home where everything you do is under critical inspection, where they make you feel uncomfortable to even so much as breathe. Nor is it normal for them to go through your belongings and move things from your room without asking. Or even better when the children ask if you are ‘leaving yet’ because their parents have been talking s**t about you behind your back. The first night you moved in you couldn’t believe your luck, they made you dinner and welcomed you into their arms, like you were part of the family. Little did you know that they were grooming you into becoming a shadow of your former self.
You would work insane hours so that you wouldn’t be alone with them and at night you would come exhausted, terrified that yet again they would reprimand you for using ‘their kitchen’. You would do everything at night, when all you wanted to do was crawl into bed, you would make food, because you learned the hard way of how uncomfortable they made you feel when you even dared to be in the same room as them. Do you remember them shouting at you, as you blinked away hot salty tears, terrified at putting a foot wrong. You thought you had escaped bedlam when you left the last house, infested with bugs and crawling with vermin but you were wrong. But you couldn’t escape just yet, you were trapped and you had no idea what to do. Just two months after you had moved in, the landlord had a ‘word with you’ , told you that you had ‘2 weeks to find a place’ or you would be homeless, because his ‘mum’ was coming to London and would be taking your room. I was panicked, I was working such long hours for such poor pay, how the hell was I going to be able to afford another place?
But the cogs stopped turning and much to your relief, your landlord’s mum was coming the month after, so you lived on borrowed time. When you had days off, you begged for overtime but on the days where no overtime was given you locked yourself away in yet another room that had bedbugs again. You were still sick from a long illness from childhood and mentally you were on the verge of a breakdown. You cried all the time and while the house was partly to blame it was your job too but you craved the financial dependency and was too scared to break away and plunge into the unknown. But the light was coming and you found your escape, until two days before you were due to move, the landlord told you that he wanted you to stay and with smug satisfaction you told him it was too late. Little did you know the events that would transpire after, in the year that everything changed.
I Quit My Full Time Jobs To Blog Full Time
You received inappropriate messages, a haunting reminder of a past ‘prospective landlord’ who had made comments about your figure and told you to sleep with him. It wasn’t as explicit but the messages were flirty, patronizing even, as he used suggestive language and emojis. He wanted you to come back to the house to ‘collect’ the rest of your things, things that he had concealed from you, when they went through your room. You told him NO and he demanded money, he wanted you to come over and if you didn’t you would have to pay. The belongings were returned by cab, you paid the money, it felt like dirt. But you swallowed your pride and moved on, wanting to bury inappropriate relations in the sand. For a time you were happy, your room was large and the area was everything you hoped it to be, but still your days were laced with sadness and pain. You used to be sick a lot and no one knew what was wrong with you, where even at work you were throwing up and often doubled up in pain.
Your rent was too much for you to pay so you had to work through the pain,at times coughing up blood and being sick with every meal. In 2016 you were far worse so you thought nothing of it, if anything you were getting better and that was something to celebrate… right? You started to work less hours in your full time job, although you were still working three jobs. There was the marketing job during the week, where you had cut down on hours worked and a bar job at weekends, alongside a blog that you loved with all your heart. You dreamed of being able to walk out of a job that made you sick and stressed and into a world where you could be your own boss and be in charge of your own destiny. Six months later you cut the umbilical cord and plunged head first into an unknown world, where you would stop having a stable wage, where you would have to sacrifice your time but nevertheless a world where time stood still, waiting for you to place your next pawn on the game of life they call chess.
It was the best decision I could have ever made. At first people told me I was crazy and when I complained about having ‘no money’ they rolled their eyes. I had made a big mistake they said, and would be crawling back to work with my tail between my legs. But that never happened, five months later I am still standing strong, braving my way through the ups and downs, but relishing the ‘newness’ of each day that comes. In my eyes there has been more ups than downs, and finding a positive mindset really helped me appreciate what I did have. I had a roof over my head, true and loyal friends and made connections with people who I never thought that I would see again. But that’s a story for another time…
I remember the first day as a full time blogger, no 5 AM starts, no having a panic attack because I missed the train, no claustrophobia at being pressed up against random strangers, whose sweat rubbed up against you like oil and grime. Instead, for the first time ever you slept a dreamless sleep, unhounded by the panicked nightmares that would often haunt you into the early hours of the morning. You woke up feeling refreshed, not knowing where your journey would take you next but thankful that 2017 was the year that everything changed. For someone who had such high levels of anxiety-and believe me I still do- you almost surprised yourself with your spontaneity. At first you didn’t worry about how you would pay your rent or the sacrifices you would make, instead you just went for it and I’m bloody proud of you for making it this far.
There have been months where you have missed out on things because you didn’t have the money or not been able to attend events because you worked yourself to the bone to make ends meet but for every downside, there has been a rainbow bridge waiting to be crossed, so that you could frolick with the multi-coloured unicorns and mermaids that welcomed you into their magic land. Remember when you first started making money from your blog, remember when you realized that sometimes taking a chance can be the best decision that you could have ever made? You were almost flummoxed when brands would send you clothes, invite you to restaurants, want you to stay in their hotels and even have you as speakers at their events. For someone who thought so lowly of her self, you realized that there were people out there who believed in you and it was about time that you believed in yourself.
Then again, it wasn’t until you saw a therapist that you realized where all your self-esteem issues began…
I Saw A Therapist And Battled Childhood Demons
When I was six years old, I was emotionally and physically abused by my Dad‘s wife ‘The Stepmum’ who would beat me, call me names and make me terrified for my own life. For years I lived in my abusers shadow, believing that I was this girl who was unworthy of love, who remembered the lacerations and the scars that were etched onto my skin, my battle scars if you will. There would be days where I was too scared to come home, terrified of what she might do, if no one was around to save me. She would blackmail me and groom me into her f**cked up mind games, where I was the puppet and she was the puppet master. But I was saved, aged 10 I went into care and was raised by my wonderful foster mum, who saved me from a life conditioned by hatred and desolation. There were times where my stepmum would starve me, but the emotional abuse was the hardest scars to bear of them all. It wasn’t just the names that she would call me or how she would make me feel, after a time I felt empty inside and numb to those around me.
But when my foster mum took me into her home, with a warm and open heart I felt elated that true kindness still existed. I didn’t always get on with my foster mum; I was so used to a home without love that frankly the concept of it was alien. Like all pre-teens and teens I hated having to ‘stick to rules’ but in truth it ran deeper than that. They say you shouldn’t call yourself messed up but at the time, I did a lot of things that I am not proud of and if I could take my actions back I would. But in part I know that the bad things that I did were linked to childhood demons. I lashed out at people who showed me affection because I didn’t know how I should react. I acted out with friends for attention, because I was scared that they wouldn’t like me for who I was, hell half of the time I pretended to be someone who I was not because I too was trying to escape the person I actually was. I felt broken at times and when I would cry in public I would berate myself for showing ‘weakness’. I know now that it is ok to cry, I just wish that I knew it then.
There is more to this story of childhood abuse and teen bullying than I would like to admit. I don’t want to relive the times where my own friends would leave me out on purpose or make fun of the way I looked. Nor do I want to remember that teacher who laughed at me when I was getting bullied right in front of her face. But I’ll tell you one thing what doesn’t kill you makes you f***ng stronger. Amen.
I Cut Toxic Friends Out Of My Life
And speaking of toxic friends, I could write an entire bible on the subject. Hell I have lost track of the people who had treated me like s**t and were just using me for their own purposes . But do you know what , I’m over it, when I was at university or school, many of the people that I surrounded myself with were pretty awful, especially ones that were meant to be my ‘close friends’. But for every asshole, there were amazing friends who were there for me every step of the way. Over time as your friendship group grows smaller, you realize that not everyone is going to be your friend in five years time and with some people I wish I didn’t lose touch, didn’t lose the closeness that we once relished. But this is what the essence of time is and maybe at some point we are all s**tty friends, just make sure you’re not a toxic one.
There have been supposed friends who would make me feel ‘small’ so that they could feel better about themselves. There was this one girl called A, who was meant to be one of my ‘best friends’ who not only accused me of sleeping with her boyfriend (when I hadn’t) but would make repeated remarks about my intellect, appearance and health. At this point I was very ill and there were times where she would make comparisons between me and her ‘saying how amazing she was’ and that her ‘boyfriend could never fancy me’. Turns out the joke was on her, because he had liked me all along, but hey they do say that Karma is a given, don’t they?
Or how about S, whose own mum ‘ripped me to shreds’ by telling me that noone could ever love me and that I was just a big f**king know it all. The worst thing was, I was spending Christmas with S and I wasn’t meant to get those messages. She pretended that it was meant for someone else, but when you use that persons name I think its a whole load of s**t. Or how about C, the girl who leaked personal information about me online, who spoke about my abuse online. Who not only lied to me about family relatives who were dead (when they weren’t), but when she couldn’t get her own way made s**t up about me online, including telling the whole world ‘the abuse was a lie’.The sad part was she turned people against me, people who I thought were my friends, yet they don’t know the whole story. But having toxic friends has taught me to appreciate the ones that I do have. Despite how it might seem online, I don’t have many friends. I don’t even know why I am ashamed to admit that, sure I surround myself with a lot of people and I have good friends in the online community but I know that I am partly to blame for my isolation.
I distance myself from others because I am scared of getting hurt and despite how ‘friendly and welcoming’ I may seem, I’m crippled with anxiety, Meeting new people gives me cramps, let alone dates. I’m always worried that people won’t like me, but in the past months seeing the people out there who are truly my friends has helped me become a better person. And I thank them for it.
‘Fuck Fake Friends (You Don’t Need Them’
I Learned How To Be More Positive & Taught Myself To See The Good In Every Situation
I used to think that having a ‘positive mindset was a load of bull***t and would kid myself into thinking that being a ‘realist’ was always better than being an idealist. But the blogging community changed me, a dear friend and a blogger colleague helped me through a lot of pain, having been through abuse, violence and having no parents growing up too. She gave me words of infinite wisdom and would wipe away my virtual tears, if I needed someone to talk to. I remember being shocked as a photo of my dad popped up on Facebook, someone who I had not been with since I was 10 years old and being upset at the change. He looked so ‘different’ and it pained me that I would most likely never see him again. But there is more to this story then you will ever know; I haven’t spoken much about my mother on here, largely because her children are older and more prone to finding my blog than my dad’s kids. When I was 2 and a half she left my dad to sleep with other men and it wasn’t until I was 10, that we renewed our relationship again.
Since I was 10 years old, my relationship with my mum & co have been tumultuous and there would be times where she would keep cutting me out of her life or make up quite horrific stories about me and loved ones and it hurt a lot. I don’t want to talk about it too much, because its not my story to tell, but I haven’t seen my mum in two years. When she’s ready to see me again, I will be here, but until then I have let go of my pain and anger and I feel much better for it.
Learning how to conquer my demons and become more positive is hard. I have an anxiety disorder, social anxiety and depression and when the darkness clouds my thoughts it can be a struggle to see the light. But talking about it and acknowledging that I needed help was the step in the right direction that I needed. I have periods where I am really happy and then weeks where I am really low, but overall my mental health became much better in 2017, than it had in 2016. I would say that the biggest step was surrounding myself with wonderful, positive people but also changing my own energy. I stopped feeling sorry for myself , stopped giving a f**k about what others thought about me and most of all learned that even on the darkest day, there is always light to equate the darkness. Whenever I am feeling low I think about the things that make me happy; the pugs lolling around at my feet, the cats climbing into my lap, friends, family, my blog. You readers give me strength and with each post that I read, I feel stronger, knowing that no matter how many times I fall into the darkness, there will always be someone to lend me a helping hand.
I Started Making Money From My Blog
I learned how to celebrate life’s small victories, when someone subscribed to my blog I cheered, when someone commented on my posts my heart would swell with joy and when I connected with fellow bloggers and heard their stories, I realized I was not alone anymore. I read narratives where bloggers had been abused, raped, sexually harassed,escaped horrific situations, had suicidal thoughts and lost loved ones. But the one thing that united us all was the need to find a seed of ‘beauty’ amidst our pain and turn it into something good, that would help us heal as time went on. I’m never going to pretend that I am 100% over my demons nor will I shy away from the fact that there have been times where I have been heavily medicated because I was so unhappy. But despite the lows, I am in a much better frame of mind than I have ever been and when I started making money from my blog, I realized that I could turn this passion which I loved with all of my heart into a career. I did it, the first cheque rolled in and while I’m never going to make millions, I am proud of myself for taking the plunge and learning how to set up a business completely from scratch.
I may not earn a lot, I may not have enough to fly first class to France, but I tell you what I do have,you guys. Without my readers I would still be stuck in a job that I do not like, without your encouragement I would never have learned how to monetize my blog and most of all thank you to everyone who has mentored and guided me, I am truly grateful.
I Co-Founded An Events Company For Bloggers With My Friend
2017 might have been the year that everything changed but it wasn’t until 2018, that our events company began… When I attended events, there were times where I felt excluded, where people wouldn’t talk to me because I didn’t have much of a following. Or where brands would ‘favour certain people’ and would undermine the rest. I wanted to make a change and show that there were amazing bloggers out there who deserved their chance to shine. Who shouldn’t have an X amount of followers to be able to work with brands or network with bloggers. Whether you have 500 followers or 50,000 don’t base your connections on the basis of someone’s social media following , its not cool. Me and my friend Giulia had the same vision, we had been to many of the same events and realized how ‘micro-influencers’ were always overlooked in favour of those who had more followers.
We had gone to events were brands would never contact you again or you would pay out money for an exclusionary experience, where people wouldn’t talk to you and we wanted to make a change. A few days ago we finally took the plunge and set up an event for bloggers, where we will be hosting masterclasses on how to ‘grow your following’, how to pitch to brands and create long lasting partnerships and more. Alongside the talks we will have brands showcasing their products and looking for bloggers to partner with, spanning genres like food, beauty, skincare and more. Most of all alongside the competitions, giveaways and goody bags we want to create a community where everyone feels welcome. Our slogan is ‘All Bloggers Matter’ and we wouldn’t have it any other way.
There is more to 2017 that meets the eye and some things that I am not quite ready to talk about yet but I will tell you this. Positivity is a mantra, every cloud has a silver lining and with every drop in the ocean, is a mermaid waiting to be reborn. Because I am that mermaid reborn; childhood abuse made me a warrior, bullying made me stop pretending to be someone that I was not and sometimes fear is the adrenaline you need to make a change.
As for for 2018, Lets Wait And See…
Was 2017 The Year That Everything Changed For You Too?
*If you are interested in attending our first blogger event on the 27th January in Chancery Lane, Central London, CLICK HERE to buy your tickets NOW!
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This is so beautifully written, heart-breaking and motivating all at the same time. You’re a very strong lady and now that you have taken the steps to get rid of the shit in your life, I think you will absolutely fly! I can’t wait to see what you will do in 2018!
I’m so sad that I’m not able to attend the blogger event as I’m still in Beijing, but once I move to London you can count me in for sure!
Nikki x
Wow you have an amazing and inspiring story! That house sounded aweful, Im so pleased you are out of there! I so wish I could blog as a full time job but I am just nowhwere near there yet…maybe one day! Well done you for what you have achieved!
2017 changed for me because i started my blog on basketball this past summer and that gave a outlet. also, beginning college and meeting new people.
Wow, I hate bedbugs. And then you have to pay for that! I love that full time blogging works for you. At least you own your time and doesn’t need to wake up early for trains, 😀
Wow, I don’t even know where to start. I am so proud of you for changing your life in so many aspects at the same year, sound like you have made the right choice for your life and health. you should never live in a toxic environment or next to toxic people in no matter cost. your next blog company event sounds like a wonderful idea and I wish I was in London to be able to be a part of it, Good luck
Awesomely written there. And I hope your new year will be as great as you have predicted. And I hope like you someday, I will write once in a month and do this full time. So congratulations again and Happy New Year.
Thank you for sharing your story. I am sorry to know about what you have been through but thankfully, you are here, and you have made yourself the person you were destined to be. I have also cut off the negative people in my life and I am more relaxed now that their “toxic fumes” no longer have an effect on me.
I want to say so many things but I don’t know how to say them… Just hang on, the best things are yet to come! May the new year bring you new goals and new hopes. :*
You’ve had a rough journey to get to this point where you are now & I’m v proud of you. Well done. Keep doing amazing things 🙂
2017 was quite the year. It’s so sad to hear about that toxic house at the start! Good job you got out of there ASAP!
2017 has been a good one for you. I hope 2018 is everything and more 😀
This post has brought up memories from years ago. Not referring to your early life, Being stuck in accommodation and feeling trapped by money. Trapped in work to keep a roof over my head and at the same time, the constant worry of a knock at the door and ‘time to go’. You, like me, did something about it. Mine at the time wasn’t going full time with a blog, I accepted I failed and went home to my parents for a reset.
All I can say is ‘You survived and have taken control’. Good luck in the future:)
I really enjoyed this read, inspirational.
Such a wonderful reading! And so inspirational! I am glad you had the courage and let go of people, work and situations that didn’t work they way they should be. Good luck on your way and all the best for the New Year!
You have been through SO much and you are one of the strongest women I know. I think that by sharing your story you are going to help other women to empower themselves and get help from things that haunt them from their past.
Your journey is really inspiring and motivating at the same time, first of all I think that landlord should just be punished for how they treated you, really shows you how people in this life can be ruthless and heartless and I am happy that you have found a way to fight all the demons, stay happy and continue doing what you love. Stay strong and remember you got this.
What a journey you’ve been on. So much happened for you in 2017….here’s to only good things to come in 2018! Excited to see where your blog takes you x
Wow! What a year you had! I am so sad that you have had to go through what you have!
You are an amazingly strong person….I hope 2018 is amazing for you! #MMBC
I am so proud and amazed at how far you’ve come. I’m glad you took the plunge and that life has just been getting better for you since. Cheers to a brilliant 2018 and I wish you much success in your events! Can’t wait to see where you go next!
This is such a beautiful post and I agree with you 100%. I’m sorry you had such a terrible experience with your landlord, can only imagine what you been through! On the other hand totally proud of what you achieved, dumped this stupid friends behind and left your demons in the pass to embrace a beautiful life as a blogger! 2018 will be even better, XX
I love that you always look for the good in all situations. It sounds like you are on the right path to being so successful! Congrats for having the courage to take the plunge and blog full time!
You have been through so much. I’m just sitting here shaking my head at the terrible people in the world. But, I am so excited that you were able to go through all of that in just one year, and you know what? In 2018 you’re already starting out on the right foot, so just imagine how much higher you’re going to soar! Good luck with your event.
You have certainly had a year of it last year, I follow your journey and almost feel motherly towards you, it is so lovely to see you happy and succeeding. 2017 was a rollercoaster year for me but the best thing that happened was end of November when my granddaughter was born, nothing can top that x
Oh bless you! You are a beautiful strong woman, and you know it. No one deserves all of that shit and I’m so pleased to read that you’re coming out of it stronger. I wish you and your friend all the very bust with your new venture. I hope 2018 is an amazing year for you… and you never need to experience bed bugs again!
x
You have had so much to overcome but you seem great and you are set for the new year. It is so satisfying that you have found blogging and building up your brand and income.
I wish I could quit my job to blog full time! Maybe 2018 is my year?
Congrats girl!
What amazing courage you have for exposing all of this AND having the guts to actually go about change. So many of us just complain and live in misery! Kudos and best of luck to you!!!
I felt so good after reading this post. New year posts describing what someone has achieved are one of my favorites. It’s so good to see how you fought all the odds to get where you are today and I can’t be more happy for you. Wish you all the good fortune in this year too. xoxo
You are such a strong person enduring all the things you went through last year, hopefully you have a fantastic year this year and good luck with blogging.
That house in East London sounds horrible. I’m glad you got out of there and also faced some of your demons! Happy New Year!
Wow. This is motivating. You are courageous! Thank you so much for sharing this?
I can’t believe all the things you went through this year, but I am so happy that you are coming out of it feeling stronger. I wish you and your friend the very best for an amazing 2018!
Good for you for being honest about your demons and for taking your life into your own hands. I applaud you for striking out as a full-time blogger and am inspired by the guts you had to do so! Best to you in 2018!
Ana, you are a champion! You turn your tears into your victories. Throughout your up and down, you didn’t give up instead you encourage others, you inspire others – I must admit including me – and you prove to those who leave bad marks in your life how wrong they are. Thank you for your beautiful love you share through your words and your action. By the way, I wish I could attend the event, but I would not be able this time. I wish you all the best in 2018, and success for the blogger event. Bless you!
You have been through so much, I am so sorry all this happened to you. You are so strong, look at all you have accomplished! You should be so proud for overcoming all the obstacles. I am so happy you are making it as a blogger! Love your blog and all your insta pics! Also, I am coming to the event! 😉
You’re very transparent. I appreciate the honesty and openness. So many people have experienced some of what you’ve gone through and don’t have the words to express how they feel or they don’t feel comfortable sharing it, but you’ve pretty much given them a voice in this post. Very inspirational.
Awwww bless you, its so hard at times is life but I can tell you it makes us all stronger. I have been going through some bad times and it does help to blog about.
Sounds like 2017 was a learning experience for you. It’s tough to try and find a positive tribe, but when you do, it’s well worth it.
Shout out to you for being gutsy and standing up to that landlord and his family. Such a pain. Glad you’re in a better place and working on what you love! 🙂
What a great story! I’m glad you were able to turn so many things around in 2017. Looks like it’s gonna be a good year for you 🙂
What a year you’ve had, Ana! Sorry you had to go through all the awful things. But I’m also very happy that you endured and came out of it a brighter, stronger person! I don’t love my job either but it gives me the financial stability I need. Perhaps one day I’d be brave like you and quit too! Know that I’m cheering you on as you go on this new adventure.
It sounds like you accomplished a lot in 2017. I’m so glad for you. It’s always fabulous when you can live a healthier lifestyle and get rid of toxic people. I hope 2018 is just as fabulous for you!
One door closes and another opens – for the better it sounds like and you made the right decision. What a hell you have lived through but it has made you stronger and your story richer x Good luck in 2018 x
wow, what a post. You have gone through so much but come out smiling at the other end – a real inspiration. Well done for being brave and making a better life for yourself
Thank you for sharing this. It was such a lovely post. 2017 was life changing in a number of ways for me and I definitely learnt a lot. Can’t wait to see what 2018 has in store!
2017 was a great year and i can only hope that 2018 is even better for you! BTW you rock those boots!
Yes Ana, 2017 has proven to have been a life changing one for you . You have proved your great courage and gutsyiness. No doubt 2018 will be a year of enormous growth for you and I wish you the best of luck with your new events company for brands and bloggers to connect.
OH what a year Ana. You are doing so well and I am loving seeing your blogging and personal progress. You are a great friend. Cutting toxic people out and fake friends is so important. Angela x
I’m happy you are following your dreams and making things happen for yourself. It’s never easy being in a toxic environment! I was married to a man who became abusive and mainly to my son who is now 9 years old… I divorced him last year, sold our home, and moved my kids out of that environment. It was very scary for me because I’m similar to you when it comes to living with pain (I was born with Wilson’s Disease) plus huge migraines that cause me to throw up.
Anyway, I hope to blog full-time and become an influencer someday, to make enough to really take great care of my kids. In the meantime I will continue to bust my butt writing, blogging and working a stable job. I would love to get in on those masterclasses on how to ‘grow your following’, how to pitch to brands and create long lasting partnerships and more. You’re awesome for doing that… I believe that ‘All Bloggers Matter’ too! (great slogan!)
I wish you the best throughout life, year after year… stay strong and keep your head up!
Wow, this is so inspiring. You absolutely should feel proud for everything you’ve achieved and I love the sound of your event for all bloggers. I hope your first event goes well – have a wonderful 2018.
I know others have used the word, but there’s no other word for it. Wow. Just. Wow.
This was beautifully written, and inspiring. It had me hooked.
I was in an abusive relationship, and I wonder if writing about it would be cathartic, but even now my family don’t know. Seeing the strength you have shown to share even a small part of your past has me in awe.
I truly hope 2018 is everything you wish for.
What a beautiful story – thank you for sharing. I’m proud of you, and want to hug you. 🙂 I hope this new year is absolutely AMAZING for you!
Loved reading this. You’re inspirational and such a lovely human. Thanks for being so open and honest. You could seriously write a book! Such easy reading x
This is much longer than I expected it to be but I was gripped to everything you said there is so much I can relate to. I have severe anxiety due to childhood experiences, have issues with many family members and ex-friends and made some huge decisions last year that have changed my life for the better and for once I feel like everything is going to be ok (eventually) I definitely think a positive outlook is what finally makes things move in the right direction. I am also trying to make money from my blog this year in the hopes of being successful enough to not go back to a job I hate once my youngest child goes to full time school in September. I wish you all the luck for 2018 you really deserve it x
Wow, you have truly persevered through so much hardship. I’m so happy that things have started to improve, and I hope that 2018 is an amazing year for you.
Congrats on being able to quit your job and blog FT. I agree with you on the friend’s thing. I am at a pivotal place in my life where I am trying to get closer to my friends
It sounds like you are finally just where you belong! I am so happy for you and wish you nothing but success as you pursue your new full time career!
I am glad that 2017 changed so much for you but I am so sorry you had to go through some of those things in the first place.
I’m sorry you had such a horrible childhood. It’s worse when you try to make it as an adult and nothing goes right either. I can not wait tI’ll I make an actual living off of my blog but I will be happy fine tuning it this year and maybe 2019 will open something for me. I hope 2018 is a great year for you.
That was a lot to handle but you got through all of it! It’s really amazing how much self love can do when you’re fighting through a tough situation. I hope this year will be so much better for you, 2017 was the beginning of you climbing up that ladder of success!
This is an awesome post. It sounds like 2017 was such a major year of change, growth, and success for you. Keep moving forward and keep winning.
I juts loved reading through this post. What a horrible man your landlord was inEast London, I couldn’t imagine that such people do exist even when you work so much to earn a livelihood. Great that you’ve made this switch to something , which you really love to do. 2017 was for me too the same, in the sense of Blogging, wherein I too left my well paid job for Full time blogging and my 3 year old son:)
Hello Ana,
First let me give you a virtual hug, all the way from Manila!
You are always fabulous, and i admire how you build that shield that surrounds you to protect yourself from these negativities, and how you overcome them. You are such an inspiration to us, am glad to get to know you here. I believe 2018 will be great to you!
Wow such an unpleasant living environment. So glad you got out of there and had a year of change in 2017. Best wishes for a butt kicking 2018!
Wow, thank you for being so candid and open with this post. I am glad that 2017 was such a pivotal year for you.
I’m so appreciative of how open you were in your post! You have really been through a lot. To come out of that and to be doing great in blogging, shows just how strong and determined you are!
Goodness lady! 2017 was crazy for you. I am wishing all the best for 2018 for you. I Quit My Full Time Job To Blog Full Time in 2017 too!! What a relief!
We are never tested with more than we can bear… To be honest, I can’t imagine how my life would be without my parents and my heart bleeds for the little girl who endured so much abuse. You are a testament to the possibilities that exist for any person to overcome trauma, abuse and hardship and rise above their experiences to be a success in this life. I had so many emotions flow through me while reading this. Anger at those nasty people and relief, happiness and joy that you are getting physically and emotionally stronger day by day. Good luck with your new business venture!
Wow what an experience. I’m sorry you had to go through all of that. You have made it through all of that a stronger person and more resilient. I’m glad 2017 was turning things around for you and 2018 will be a better year for you i’m sure. Keep on keeping on girl you got this!!
Wow, it really was a year of changes for you. Congratulations on choosing you and made changes for the better. Isn’t it great to be a full time blogger? I also cut toxic friends out of my life. Feeling much better.
You are such a brave and bold woman!! 🙂 I loved reading your inspirational story. It’s nice to see you get out of the usual, toxic environment and break free into a journey of your own. Hope 2018 proves to be your best year yet! Cheers!!
2017 was your year, so much progressed and changed and you should be so proud of everything you have achieved x
This is such a beautiful post. What a journey you’ve been on over the last year. I’m so glad that you got out of that awful place, the landlord sounds disgraceful. And congratulations on taking blogging full time. That’s something I could only dream of at the moment.
Ami xxx
What a lovely post and love how you remained positive through everything you dealt with!I also Love the shade of this wine/raspberry red outfit. You rock it!
What a deep post. Thanks for sharing your story with us Ana. I hope 2018 is a much better year for you, all round.
I think the best thing you did last year was leaving a toxic house. And yes, fake friends suck. They give you negative energy instead of positive encouragements. I really enjoy reading your posts. Keep it up! And yes to optimism!
Well done on battling your demons and choosing to look after yourself. Working for yourself can be scary but I wish you the best of luck for the future with your blog and your events company
Thank you for sharing your story, I’m sorry you went through all of that. It sounds terrible that the people you counted on let you down in so many ways. But it’s great to hear that you didn’t let them steal your fire and that you made it through! You should be incredibly proud of yourself. Our experiences make us who we are, but they don’t have to define us. Onwards and upwards, I wish you all the luck and success for the future! XO
missportmanteau.com
What an emotional read. I throughly enjoyed this and related on so many levels. I hope 2018 brings you joy and stepping stones to a brighter future.
This is so motivating and written beautifully as well. Well, you are one strong lady, who has the ability to fight and to take the road “less traveled” that many people are hesitant to take.
So happy for you and wishing you all the best for 2018. Quitting my job and blogging full time is something that I would one day love to do. x
I love reading your posts! They always tells me so much about your story, your character, and how you work as a person. I love finding out these things about people – it tells so much about the journey they’ve been on to get to where they are today – a beautiful journey of self discovery which is yet to keep going! I hope 2018 is an amazing and successful year for you!
Very inspiring. I can truly relate to your story – from shifting career, disregarding fake friends and how to treat every situation, there are really a lot of unforgettable part of 2017 but those marks changes too.
Well done you! You have come so far and overcome so much. I am so pleased it is all working out for you. Kaz
2017 was certainly a life changing time for you as it was for me as I embarked on a journey into the world of motherhood. You have overcome so much throughout your life as I’ve enjoyed and followed your journey through your blog and you are an incredibly strong woman who deserves happiness. I hope 2018 is a great year for you and that your blog blossoms and your confidence continues to soar.
I’m so blown away by how much you achieved in a year! WELL DONE!! I plan to quit my full-time job to start blogging full-time soon, just want to save up a bit more cash but wow talk about inspiration! Thanks for sharing such a deep personal story, I wish you all the best!
That landlord! Grrrrrr. That makes me ill. I think 2017 was hard for most Americans, with all the national disasters we dealt with and our new political realm, but I think overall it was good for me. I am always eager for a fresh start, though!
Wow! What an awe inspiring post. Your strength and determination is incredible. Well done and to continued success in this comin year.
Thank you for being so open and sharing your story with us, it is so inspiring to hear your journey and gives me courage as I embark on making 2018 a better year!
You are so brave to have fought such hardships in life and come out a winner. I felt I was reading a horror story, am so sorry you had to go through so much of shit! But thank God it’s over for you now. Congratulations on achieving so much as a blogger and I am sure 2018 has a lot of good luck and success in store for you.
2017 seems to have had ups and downs, as it did for me as well… but always let the up outweigh the down! Making money from blogging is such an amazing feeling! People will think we are crazy, but that’s okay!
Wow, what a year you’ve had! I’m sorry you had to endure such hardship, but so glad that you’ve come out on top! I love how your pictures told the same story. You look so happy by the last one! Have a great 2018!
Wow, your 2017 was certainly eventful! I’m glad you’re in a better place now, both literally and with your health/mental state. 2018 will bring much joy!
Wow what a read, your inspirational and well done for making a better you out of bad situations
I always feel amused by your blog post, at the same time sad for your story. I hope that 2018 to be the best year of your life. You look very gorgeous.
Wow a really brave post, thanks for sharing! Some of the stuff you mentioned about working insane hours and paying insane rent in London really resonates with me. Best of luck for 2018
2017 has been such a tumultuous year for you. You have come out the other side stronger, well done Ana x
Wow. What a year indeed! You came out victorious though. Thank you for sharing your journey with us, it certainly shows us that life can through a lot of obstacles and challenges are way but it is our attitude towards them and strategy with dealing with them that determines our success. I thank God for your success so far and pray that you gain more favour in your blogging pursuit! Bring on 2018!!!!
Ana I have been reading your blog for some two years now and each and everyone of your post has has shown what a strong and courageous person you are. Although you have been through so much grief you have always bounced back with a fight. I sincerely hope that 2018 brings lots and lots of wonderful new opportunities , openings and most of all happiness that you deserve.
Wow, what a lot has gone on in your life but well done for getting some help and being able to talk through the past hurts. It sounds as if you made wonderful progress in 2017 and I wish you loads of luck for 2018 and your new blogging business. Mich x
What a powerful post this is. Last year Iwasabletoget rid of about 730 ln]bs of toxic fake friends, and that was a huge step for me. I am so happy I did it.
You have come so far in life. I hope it just keeps getting better and better for you. Success is the best revenge. 🙂
Oh darling, where to start. I love and hate this post! I hate this post for what you’ve had to face in life, you are absolutely amazing and so supportive and the loveliest person that I know and I am sup r proud to call you my best friend.
2017 has certainly been quite a year for me. I started up my blog, which is coming on its first anniversary. And I have made some amazing friends like you and Alison. You have taught me so much about being a blogger, I cannot express enough my gratefulness to you. It’s been quite a journey. And I have to say I have enjoyed watching your journey as well. You are an amazing woman with so much to give the world. I know what you mean when you talk about feeling like an outcast. And I certainly get anxiety about whether people like me or are upset at me. Anytime someone gets upset, It eats away at me inside. I know this is part childhood issues, unfortunately. But you have done so much with what you have had. You are an inspiration. I love your “all bloggers matter” quote. Because it’s true. We all have a vision and something worth expressing and the opportunity to reach people and match with brands that would help our following and give them something worth looking into. Anyway… thanks for everything, and I am looking forward to seeing what 2018 brings both of us. I know there is amazing stuff still ahead.
I love how positive you sound as soon as you quit your job for your blog. 2018 is going to be such an amazing year for you and its because your blog is something that is so positive for you. You can tell you put all of your love into it and its because of that that you’ll get so much back. I’m sorry to hear you’ve had such bad experiences. I think this might be the year that everything changes for you for the better. x
Wow. 2017 really had a lot of things in it for you!! I’m so glad to read that you got rid of all the toxicity, be it critical landlords, stressful job and fake friends! You’re really awesome and brave with your blogging decisions! I always love reading your posts!
PS : Amazing outfit, as always!
You always write the deepest post. I am happy you got away from you toxic landlord/family no one should ever be made to feel like that. Also I am happy you were able to quit your job and live a healthier life I know the feeling.
I feel so bad how your landlord treated you. But you are an amazingly strong and positive person and I am so amazed at how far you’ve come. …. Good luck on your way and all the best for the New Year!
Wow. That’s a really powerful story Ana and it makes me sad because there are some real shits out there. It’s a shame your creepy landlord couldn’t have had his ass hauled down the police station but hopefully he’ll get his karma. I despair of humans sometimes I really do but my hubby (Mat) always says that for all the toxic people there are some genuine lovely ones and you need to keep faith and find them. I hope 2018 is a vast improvement for you.
It sounds like 2017 was a challenging year for you but you’ve definitely come out of the other side stronger. I hope 2018 is full of positive achievements and success!
You are very inspiring. I love that you came out of horrible situations and were able to change and create a positive life for yourself.
It sounds like this year is definitely a year of new beginnings for you! I’m excited to see all that comes your way this year!
I am sorry to hear about what you went through but glad to hear it is all sorted now. I am sure you will have a great year ahead!
The fact that you are here now, successful in what you love doing is the reason you were saved from the horrible situation you had to go through in your childhood years. I am so happy for you that the past year brought so much positive changes in your life. Wishing you all the best (and more!) this 2018!
What a year, heart breaking you have had to go through that. But what a fantastic positive start to 2018, good luck
I love hearing everyone’s story. I especially love when someone is positive.
Every time I read your blog, I’m so inspired. You’ve gone through such difficult times (seriously, I can’t imagine how difficult that house must have been to live in) and you’ve turned everything into a positive and built a wonderful life for yourself. I’m so glad you share your experiences so openly and honestly, I think that’s one of the best things we can do and use our stories to help others. I hope you have a wonderful 2018. I can’t think of anyone who deserves it more.
First of all, thank you for being so transparent in this entire post, it was beautifully written! You are an inspiration!! I know exactly how you feel and I feel like I could’ve been the one that just wrote that lol. 2017 was a year of huge changes for me and I am on a path that will have 2018 be just as impactful. I think the key to most successful changes is keeping a positive outlook and like you said, “not caring a f*** what others think!” Thank you for this post ❤
This is a long post but so wonderfully written, I enjoyed reading every part of it. Out with the old you and in with the new amd refreshed you. New beginning are great especially when you start to see progress and you stand tall and move on despite the odds. Congratulations and cheers to a greater 2018
It sounds like 2017 was truly a year of great change for you. Change and growth. My year was similar and the changes I made helped me move forward in my life.
This is such an inspiring story. I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that, but you’ve made a fantastic, positive life for yourself now & it will only get better. You are SO inspiring and strong and you should be so proud of everything you’ve achieved – all by yourself.
My dear, I can’t tell you how beautiful your post is. Bravo, Ana! Bravo for rising above your past. Bravo for your blog and your new events company. I guarantee you there are many people reading who are inspired. Who knew the ripples you’d create when you decided to put one toe into the water. So proud of you and most of all .. happy to call you friend. xx
Your story is so inspiring! I am glad that you were brave enough to conquer all the demons in your life and now you are more focused on achieving what you truly want. I wish 2018 turns out to be a happy and prosperous year for you!
Ana you owned 2017! Each decision you made are from bravery and what you love. You are courageous and inspiring to your followers and fellow bloggers. I hope that you do well this 2018..
Wow, what a year it has been for you! This is such an inspirational post. It always fascinates me how everything can change in a small period of time, but when we look at it more closely, nothing actually changed but you. When you decided that it need to be better, it started to be better. Congratulations on such a successful year!
I really do hope 2018 is good to you and glad you came out of 2017 on a positive.
You kicked 2017’s ass! You go, girl! Honestly, I’m sad that you had to endure all of those obstacles but I’m sure your better for it. People tend to water your fears instead of your dreams and while many may have expected you to fail or even still do, continue proving them wrong and embrace your decision. I’m in a similar predicament as it relates to being stuck in a toxic job and I hope to cut the umbilical cord this year. Your post has inspired me and I’m sure others will be able to relate.
Hi Anna, 2017 sounds like it was one hell of a year for you, but you have managed to take a bad situation and make it a positive one. I hope your blogging work grows and with it your self-esteem and happiness… I love the colour of your outfit!
Thank you for linking up with the #MMBC.
xx
You are such a talented, lovely young woman! And as someone old enough to be your mom, I ache for you and all you have endured in your young life. I’m thankful you have overcome so many obstacles and have been willing to painfully and poignantly share your experiences, to encourage others who may be dealing with the same difficulties in life. It’s nice to see you have been able to embrace a lifestyle more favorable and welcoming to and for you, and it’s working out well for you. May 2018 truly be YOUR year, when many more dreams come true!
In answer to your question, my biggest event of 2017 was finally completing my doctoral journey and becoming Dr. Banks on June 26, 2017!
I always seem to comment the same thing on your posts – I’m proud of you. And even though we have never met in person, and aren’t really chums in the blogging world, I know you and when I read your stories I not only feel overwhelming pride for you I also learn bits about myself and my journey that I have either suppressed or chosen not to fully acknowledge. Thank you for always being brave enough to share the stories that not only have changed your life but help change others lives even if only by proxy. xxxx
2017 wasn’t the best year for me but it’s also not the worst. There were things that I hoped worked last year but I am still hopeful that this 2018 will be better than the last. Thank you for sharing us your story. I always ove reading your blog because they are always well-written <3
2015 to 2017 has been a tough years for my family. We lost 2 of the most important person in our lives. Business has been down for months. My siblings has been always sick. I hope this 2018 will give us now a better life.
You go girl! You should be very proud of how far you have come! It feels quite liberating starting up on your own doesn’t it?! I love working from home 🙂
Thanks so much for sharing with #MMBC. Have a fab weekend x
It somehow change too for me, for one side because I lost one of the most important person in my family, he pass away and second, because I reach google adsense goal and I could not find a way to receive that money; I felt like I was working for nothing. Things happens, It just matter of how we want to look back, we just have to move on, no matter what; thats why we are alive. Your story is touching! Hope better times comes!
You are an inspiration Ana. A total Bad Ass! I say that with love and respect. You are know yourself intimately and know how to motivate and care for yourself from within. You probably learned that as a child. I am sorry you had to experience all of that utter B.S. I know you have a bright future ahead of you.
This is your story and it’s beautiful. So full of heartache and pain but wonderfully written. 2018 is going to be awesome! Blogging is such an amazing opportunity for personal growth, expression AND an income. Best of luck in your journey.
What a skeez ball! That’s such a terrible and gross situation to be in.
So sorry to hear of all the things you went through – looks like we’ve got even more in common than I thought! Well done for fighting through it all and for coming out of it as a winner. And well done for sharing it – this can help people so much. You are such an amazing person and I’m so glad I’ve met you! P.S. Renting is just the worst. Nothing’s worse than feeling uneasy in your own home. When I was in Sydney I moved out 6 times in a year, so I know how you feel! xxx
I love this so much Ana. 2017 was the year you took control and showed us all what a strong, independent courageous woman you are. I admire you greatly for all you have achieved, and everything you have overcome. 2017 was a tough year for me in so many ways, but I think the things that test us simply push us to be stronger.