As someone who has had more than her share of ‘fake friends’ knowing who is ‘playing you’ and who is in it for the ‘long haul’ is something I have become an expert in. In fact I might as well change my CV to ‘ Fake Friend Finder’ because I sure as hell have been ‘fishing for the wrong type of friends for far too long now. From friends who use you to make themselves feel more ‘popular’ to those who use you as their accessory at events, like fuckboys these ‘f**k friends’ are only after one thing (and no its not sex). Question is what is it that these fake friends are seeking and what on earth are we-perfectly educated intellectuals- doing falling for this bulls**t? Well no more- enter advice guru Jasmine, otherwise known as my alter ego. Jasmine is the name I use when pervs try and get into my knickers, the name I use when ordering food and the name I would call my first born child if it was a girl. But I digress, Jasmine is the confident, more sassier version of myself and she can be your ‘fake friend finder too’. Let Jasmine do all the hard work for you because thanks to Jasmine, I have learnt how to spot a fake friend and now you can too!
Jasmine says that finding a true friendship is like ‘falling in love’ and I think she is right. You meet, you hang out and then suddenly it is like you can’t leave each others side. Before you know it you have met each others friends, relatives and even their neighbours know who you are. But then something goes wrong and the honeymoon period is over, suddenly the rose tinted glasses come off and you see them for who they are. Their flaws are highlighted and any little thing seems to irritate you but all for good reason, you realize that this mother tucker was playing you all along and you pinch yourself. How could you be so foolish, so blind? Well easily, these fake friends breed in the most unexpected of places- online, in the supermarket or just walking across the road. Then suddenly they strike and you feel like the world has ended. This is how they want you to feel but listen up. Never let them make you feel like the smallest person in the world because you are worth so much more than those fake friends will ever know. Besides their loss, your freaking awesome and never forget it.
The Friend Who Constantly Puts You Down
It took me a long time to ‘spot this fake friend’; I had a friend called A who was perhaps the worst fake friend of all. Not only did she blackmail and threaten me but she also committed the worse crime of all and that was to constantly put me down. Rewind two years ago and I was vulnerable, severely depressed and anxious. While I had met her in second year of university, we became closer in third year when she dated my friend ‘D’ who incidentally I liked too. I never made my feelings known to anyone but I had a feeling that she guessed; the insults were subtle at first but as the game advanced our friendship was about to hit a sour patch. ‘D’s room was next to mine and whenever she knew I was in she would ‘moan and groan’ as loud as she could so that I could hear. I remember during one session she was bitching about me, saying how ‘ugly ‘ I was and how she was ‘better than me in every single way’ getting angry when he said nothing. But that was nothing, she accused me of sleeping with her boyfriend- but the irony was she never accused ‘D’ which is pretty weird considering in order to actually sleep with someone, ya know there actually has to be another person involved. Despite breaking up for a grand total of a ‘week’ they got back together and I quit being her friend because I was sick of how s**t she made me feel. She made me feel like a prisoner in my own home and just because we no longer were friends didn’t mean that her put me downs had stopped. Far from it, but as a firm believer in second chances three months later we were friends again. Again she kept using me to make her feel better about herself and did everything possible to make me question who I was.
Long story short, A and I hit breaking point. She ruined my graduation day and then started sending me abusive messages. I was sick at this point and my depression had got worse. Instead of supporting me she sent me message after message listing all the reasons why she was superior to me in every single way possible; not only was I ‘uglier’, less cultured and more stupid than she was, she also claimed that she had never accused me of sleeping with D and that ‘D’ would never go for ‘someone like me’ because I was ‘nothing special’. Oh and she was? Girl bye, ladies and gentleman if you have a friend who likes to constantly criticize you to make themselves feel better then congratulations, you have found yourself a fake friend.
The Gossip Queen
I admit it, we have all been partial to gossiping to others but hell if you are constantly gossiping about another person but not saying those things to that other persons face then I am sorry, you’re a fake friend. There is a difference between a rant and a gossip; ranting is what you do when you tell another friend about a conversation you have with ‘said friend to their face’ whereas gossiping is done behind that persons back. As much as I hate conflict, if I have an issue with someone then it is best to tell them rather than them hearing it through the grapevine and getting upset with you. There was a girl who I went to secondary school with who would bitch about everyone-including you- and then play dumb when she would get caught out. That is not cool, if you have beef then just tell someone straight. They might not like your upfront manner but truth be told would they rather some girl they sit on the bus next to tell them instead? No of course not.
The Friend Who Treats You Like Their Accessory
Oh lord where do I start? This friend treats you nicely, at least at first. But sooner or later you realize that this fake friend is only using you to boost their own presence. Whether that be online or in person, this fake friend has clearly never heard that friendships are based on the principle of ‘give and take’. Instead she/he just ‘takes’ and expects you to sit down and play ball. No sorry mate it ‘aint happenin’. I had a friend who would invite me as her plus one to events and expect me to take a back seat while she reaped all the rewards. Not to mention she was similar to A. and would make sly digs about my appearance and weight so that I would feel bad about myself. I thought she was great at first, after all she seemed to be helping me get opportunities but what I didn’t realize was how she was conditioning me to become her accessory. Not only did I have to be at her beck and call but the only time she would want to hang out with me was when she had noone else to turn to and she needed a plus one to attend an event with. Most of the time she would get weird with me and just ignore me while she spoke to people to make connections with who had ‘followers than me’. I was easily replaced and after feeling left out at the last event we went to and generally annoyed with her after her treatment of me before I decided enough was enough and left her ass hanging. This was ages ago now, when I first started blogging but the memory of how our friendship went sour still lingers with me. Listen, let me tell you something, if you have a friend who only wants to hang out with you because A.they have noone else to turn to and B.as their accessory to make themselves look better than you, then good luck next time, this fake friend is bad news.
The Friend Who Only Wants To Hang Out With You When There Is Noone Else Available
Much like the friend who treats you like their ‘accessory’ this fake friend is only after one thing and that is ‘validation’. These egomaniacs need someone to be by their side to feel validated and yet when you need someone they are nowhere to be seen. This friend will make excuses for why they can’t meet up with you and yet when everyone bails on them and you are the only woman standing, they make sure to hit you up. We have all had friends who have bailed on us more times than we can remember, hell we have probably been that ‘fake friend too’ but its not okay to only be friends with someone so you still look popular. This is why I keep my friendship group small, when I was at uni I always surrounded myself with a lot of friends but the majority of them were fake. In fact looking back, a friend called ‘S’ was meant to be a best friend but really was only using me at points when all her friends would desert her because she was being a bitch. Don’t become another persons plaything, you are worth more than that. You may think that they are your friend and sure as hell they are saying the right things but let me tell you, a girl or guy who suddenly messages you three months down the line without so much of a whisper of a hello is not someone who is interested in what you have to say. And if they start their text with ‘ I miss you, lets meet up’, you know its because their asses have been read to filth. Do yourself a favour and say no.
Of course there are far more types of fake friends including ‘the friend who treats you like a personal piggy bank’ and ‘the friend whose never there for you’ but learning how to spot a fake friend takes practice. We have all been a victim of a ‘fake friend’ at some point but the main lesson to be learnt is how to get out before its too late. In the past I would let friends treat me badly because I didn’t know what true friendship was. One I had found my ‘friends for life’ I realized how badly I and others had been treated by our fake friends and it was a harsh reality. If a friend is making you feel bad on a daily basis, talking shit about you or only hanging out with you to make themselves look good then you know what to do… RUN.
Have You Learnt How To Spot Fake Friends?
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