Dealing with rejection is no easy feat and being told that you are not good enough is hardly cause for celebration. Yet over the years I have come to realize that rejection is all part of what I like to call the ‘Game of Life’. We can be rejected by our peers, by the ones we love and by people we haven’t even met, who dismiss our profile with one quick click. We are rebuffed by former lovers or told by employees that we are not what they are looking for and as a result can feel hurt, angry and sad. It is perfectly normal to feel ‘rejected’ and whether that is through being turned down for your dream job or finding out that the one you love is with someone else, life does get better I promise. I have lost count of the amount of times that I have been told I am not the perfect match for a job or watch someone I really like get with a good friend instead. Rather than brushing it off and pretending I am ok like I used to, I have other more healthy ways of dealing with rejection that have made me stronger as a result.
I used to take every rejection as a personal insult against my character but when I found out that even JK Rowling has been rejected on numerous occasions it made me certain that rejection is a natural part of growing up. Only last week I was told that despite my strong interview skills, winning personality and relevant experience, I didn’t quite make the cut. Yet unlike my former self who would have raged at the world and given up hope, I took it as a positive experience. At the end of the day every rejection offers you a blessing in disguise. Did it ever occur to you that maybe some relationships are not meant to be or a job that seemed perfect at the time would be a nightmare to handle a few months down the line? As cheesy as it sounds I am a big believer in destiny and believe that ‘everything happens for a reason’.
Types Of Rejection
- Unrequited Love
- Online Dating/ Dating
- Interviews/ Work Related
- Casting/ Auditions
- Financial Bursaries
& many many more …..
How To Deal With Rejection…
The big ‘R ‘ word is a bitter pill to swallow but it is rejection that helps us truly appreciate the successes that we capitalize on. After all if you were given every opportunity that you went after, wouldn’t that give you less of an incentive to work hard and be grateful for how successful you have become? Remember success is personal not materialistic and despite us being rejected for a well paid job it does not mean that you are not good enough. For me success is defined on a personal level and its about how you feel in yourself. On a financial basis I barely have enough money to pay my rent each month but on a personal level I have won awards, have a loyal community of followers and still work a full time job. Thus posing the question, rejection might be often connected to love and finances but does it mean that if the two are absent from our lives that we are not seen as ‘successful enough’? Well no of course not, as long as you make peace with your circumstances but still have the courage to fight for your dreams, optimism will win in the face of rejection.
… If you have a crush but its unrequited
I used to live life in fear and was often afraid to tell guys how I felt about them because I was scared of being ridiculed. I would openly shun dating apps and think that those who found love online did not know what true love felt like. But I was completely wrong and it was immature of me to think that people were losers if they didn’t date in the traditional sense. Of course now I am far more open and believe that online dating-while not an option for some-should never be counted out just because someone tells you so. You have your own mind so go for it. Which leads me onto my next point- and yes I promise there is a point- if you like someone you should tell them, because otherwise you waste so much time wondering about the what if’s and feeling bitter about what could have been. Don’t be a bitter betty, I wish I had been more open about my emotions growing up but I am thankful that I have learnt to accept rejection as a natural progression of lives little milestones.
My advice would be to do what I do now and make it clear if you like someone. If they don’t like you back then that is fine, move onto someone else haha. All jokes aside and I speak from personal experience, I used to think I was in love with a good male friend of mine who dated another good friend of mine for about a year. It turned out he had liked me the whole time and was just with this girl to A. make me jealous and B. to get closer to me. If we had both been honest about our feelings at the beginning then maybe it would have been me he had dated and not my (ex friend). In a way though I am glad that nothing happened because I have no feelings for him any more and haven’t in a while yet we are still good friends and talk on a daily basis. We have both realized now that we should be more open with each other and not be scared to tell the truth. Still you live and you learn…
If You Got Turned Down For Your Dream Job
As I spoke about quite passionately in Why New Year’s Resolutions Are Overrated‘, I believe in setting continuous goals that focus on taking ‘action’ rather than ‘passive’ resolutions that will be broken straight away. Thus one of my ongoing goals is to find a better day job that can help me grow as a blogger and improve my skills and confidence in digital media. After applying for what seemed like 500 jobs, a few got back to me requesting interviews and one particular role had my heart a flutter. It was for a digital media agency and the role was a Digital Media and Blogger Outreach Executive, which was a job I knew I could be good at. Despite the strong interview I knew that deep down they had already got someone else lined up and when I received the email to say I did not get through to the next stage I simply said to myself ‘its ok, its ok’.
I wasn’t reassuring myself but instead verifying that the rejection did not make me a failure nor should I take it personally. Instead I looked at the positives where the interviewer had listed all my redeeming qualities and used it as a mantra that would remind me of my strengths in time of need. Thus being able to see the ‘good’ in a bad situation will allow you to develop a thicker skin and help you go forward for more opportunities. In the past when receiving countless rejection emails I let it get the best of me and it would take me a great deal of time to get back on the horse. Yet this time round I jumped back in the saddle and applied for more roles, even ones that I might not have been the most qualified for because it allows me to build my confidence back up.
… If someone swipes left on your Tinder profile
So you matched to your perfect guy and he doesn’t like you back? So what?! I spoke strongly about my dislike of online dating in ‘Would You Date Offline’ in the past but I admit that in recent months my attitudes to dating online has changed and I respect it as a facilitator of many successful relationships. But I digress, just like not everyone wants to be your friend it is the same with dating apps. Imagine dating apps like Tinder as a kind of ‘free for all buffet’; with so much choice the one you yearn for might not message you back but that is ok. In fact there are many people who I would never message on dating apps because they don’t seem like my type on paper but after getting to know them I can feel attracted to their ‘winning personality’. There is a perfect match for you, just don’t get too down on yourself, simply because you are not getting much attention ‘online’.
Think of online dating as a crash course in do’s and dont’s of interacting with a ‘potential match’. After all the bonuses of dating online is that you never have to meet them or even go for a second date if you don’t feel like there is a spark. Just take rejection with a pinch of salt, which is exactly what I will be doing when I go speed dating with my friend next week (eek).
If Someone Doesn’t Like You ( Platonically)
Growing up I wanted to be everyone’s friend and when someone made it quite clear that they didn’t like me I would feel offended and often feel hurt and upset. Today its a different story and I have learnt the value of a true friend. I used to think that the more people I had around me, the more I could look like I was popular and it be verification that everyone was my ‘friend’. Of course now I know that is not true and realize that popularity is just an urban myth because in reality cliques are made up of people who pretend to be friends with the so called ‘populars’ just to ‘look cool’. In reality for many of us we will have very few friends and the older I get the more I cherish the true friendships I have. Its like telling the difference between a ‘travel buddy’ and your bestie, there is really no comparison. I don’t take it personally when someone doesn’t like me anymore because quite frankly we are all attracted to different kinds of people even on a platonic basis. So you may think that someone being indifferent is being rude but just like love matches it is all curated on a ‘attraction basis’. Think about it, why else are introverts naturally attracted to extroverts and extroverts clash with extroverts? Because there always has to be balance even in friendship.
How Do You Deal With Rejection?
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