From breaking taboos surrounding period positivity to open explorations of abuse, sex and bullying, my own personal experiences have made me realize that we should be more open and honest about ‘taboo topics’ in order to help others speak out about their own experiences. Which is where ‘Breaking Taboos’ come in, a monthly series where I challenge ‘perceptions’ of topics like IVF egg donation, dating, sex and more, to demonstrate how raising awareness can show others that its ok to speak out and ‘live their truth’.
While I have been open about my own struggles, today I would like to share an anonymous readers struggle with infertility and how using IVF helped her get pregnant and raise two beautiful girls, who brought joy into her life. In fact , reading her story-which she asked me to write for her- makes me smile, knowing that while not all IVF processes lead to a ‘child’, it gave her the strength to keep going and never give up. It also showed how important it is for us to create an open and healthy discussion on IVF egg donation. But most of all, her beautiful story challenged my own perceptions of infertility, which is why I decided to partner with ‘Egg Donation Friends’ to share her story, with you my readers, many of whom have emailed me asking to create a ‘taboo series’, where I share anonymous readers stories, and thus here I am!
Let B’s story commence…
Hi my name is ‘B’ and I have been a reader of Faded Spring’s content for quite some time and I love how she is never afraid to challenge taboo topics and confront them head on. It was when I was reading her post on being ‘period positive‘ that made me decide to reach out to her, after I emailed her saying that I believed she might have something called PCOS (Polyistic Ovary Syndrome), which creates irregular, painful periods, excessive body hair and difficulties getting pregnant among other signs and symptoms.
You see, I have PCOS and for many years it would break my heart knowing that I was unable to have the child that I had always wanted. My partner was so understanding but foolishly I felt like I had failed him and I prayed that he wouldn’t leave me for a more younger, more fertile wife. It seems silly of me to say that when my partner is the most loyal, most loving and understanding man in the world but I was so afraid of what the future might hold. I would cry myself to sleep most nights and wondered what was to become of me. I saw my friends having children and as much as I was happy for them, it broke my heart and I am ashamed to admit that I had felt jealous. As a Christian woman for the first time in my life, I felt angry at God and I stopped going to church, I stopped praying and I turned my head away, because I could not face why he would not reward me with the children I so desperately craved. I thought I had done something wrong and had struggles with anxiety and depression for many years.
When I was first diagnosed with PCOS, the doctors had told me that I ‘might have problems getting pregnant’ but ‘infertility never crossed my mind’, in fact I thought it was something that was so rare that I couldn’t possibly be infertile. But as the years went on I began to lose hope; I wondered why there were mothers who clearly didn’t want their children and why I, who so wished for a child to complete her family, was not given the chance to live out her dreams. It did not strike me as fair and there were days where I did not want to leave the house. Slowly I sank into a deep and dark depression and I felt empty inside. I lost my job and at times lost my will to live. If it wasn’t for my partner’s unwavering support and guidance, I’m not sure if I would have been here today. But then something happened and for the first time in years I felt a glimmer of hope. Could it be that the child I so desperately wanted was being rewarded to me at last?
As I wished to remain anonymous, you have to forgive me if I don’t go into too much detail about what type of PCOS I have or what type of In Vitro Fertilization I used to have the two beautiful girls that I have today and as much as I would love to share the ‘full story’ with you guys, I am not at that stage quite yet where I am ready to show the world who I really am. But I will tell you this, when I reached out to Ana to share my story, I did it because I wanted to show that no matter what your doctors say or how many of your friends are having children, there is always hope at the end of the tunnel. Never give up because one day your dreams will be answered. I wanted to show how my beautiful girls turned my heartache into tears of joy and showed me that God had sent me these hardships to ensure that I would be the best mum that I could ever be. And I am a damn good mom; it took me nearly a decade to have my two beautiful girls and when they were born, I found faith once more. I can almost sense Ana rolling her eyes not being religious but I know that secretly deep down she is happy that I have found myself again.
When I found out that I was pregnant with twins, I couldn’t stop myself from crying tears of joy. I felt like all the dark clouds that seemed to follow me wherever I went had disappeared and a rainbow had come and showered me with its glistening glory. I felt empowered, I felt scared but most of all I felt a happiness unlike anything that I had ever felt before. It was a miracle and when my twins were born just before Christmas day, I knew that Santa Claus had given me the best Christmas present that I could have ever wished for. When I see them laugh and play with each other it makes me smile and when I see them support each other through thick and thin my heart swells up with pride. I will raise them to become the girls of our generation; I will teach them that we should treat others fairly and without prejudice or discrimination, we should be thankful and above all be independent women who will do their bit to make the world a better place.
Without IVF, I might have never had children and I warn you, while the road is never easy and you might have more than one bout of IVF treatment, know that whatever is meant to happen will happen. I wouldn’t want to wish my years of pain on anyone but without them I might not have been the parent that I am today , without it I might not express gratitude and above all it made me a better wife, a better friend and a better parent. As the years go by and I watch my beautiful Christmas miracles grow older, I thank my lucky stars that my suffering is over and all I feel is joy.
Thank you Ana for helping me write this post and for sharing it on your blog. I am truly thankful for your friendship and who knows maybe one day, I might show my face!
Have You Ever Experienced Infertility Or Know Someone Who Has?
Please note this is an Anonymous post by ‘B’ which I wrote for her and was written in paid partnership with eggdonation friends who aim to break taboos surrounding IVF and infertility.