From breaking taboos surrounding period positivity to open explorations of abuse, sex and bullying, my own personal experiences have made me realize that we should be more open and honest about ‘taboo topics’ in order to help others speak out about their own experiences. Which is where ‘Breaking Taboos’ come in, a monthly series where I challenge ‘perceptions’ of topics like IVF egg donation, dating, sex and more, to demonstrate how raising awareness can show others that its ok to speak out and ‘live their truth’.
While I have been open about my own struggles, today I would like to share an anonymous readers struggle with infertility and how using IVFÂ helped her get pregnant and raise two beautiful girls, who brought joy into her life. In fact , reading her story-which she asked me to write for her- makes me smile, knowing that while not all IVF processes lead to a ‘child’, it gave her the strength to keep going and never give up. It also showed how important it is for us to create an open and healthy discussion on IVF egg donation. But most of all, her beautiful story challenged my own perceptions of infertility, which is why I decided to partner with ‘Egg Donation Friends’ to share her story, with you my readers, many of whom have emailed me asking to create a ‘taboo series’, where I share anonymous readers stories, and thus here I am!
Man & Child By Jimmy C Shoreditch, Brick Lane: Fashion Street
Let B’s story commence…
Hi my name is ‘B’ and I have been a reader of Faded Spring’s content for quite some time and I love how she is never afraid to challenge taboo topics and confront them head on. It was when I was reading her post on being ‘period positive‘ that made me decide to reach out to her, after I emailed her saying that I believed she might have something called PCOS (Polyistic Ovary Syndrome), which creates irregular, painful periods, excessive body hair and difficulties getting pregnant among other signs and symptoms.
You see, I have PCOS and for many years it would break my heart knowing that I was unable to have the child that I had always wanted. My partner was so understanding but foolishly I felt like I had failed him and I prayed that he wouldn’t leave me for a more younger, more fertile wife. It seems silly of me to say that when my partner is the most loyal, most loving and understanding man in the world but I was so afraid of what the future might hold. I would cry myself to sleep most nights and wondered what was to become of me. I saw my friends having children and as much as I was happy for them, it broke my heart and I am ashamed to admit that I had felt jealous. As a Christian woman for the first time in my life, I felt angry at God and I stopped going to church, I stopped praying and I turned my head away, because I could not face why he would not reward me with the children I so desperately craved. I thought I had done something wrong and had struggles with anxiety and depression for many years.
When I was first diagnosed with PCOS, the doctors had told me that I ‘might have problems getting pregnant’ but ‘infertility never crossed my mind’, in fact I thought it was something that was so rare that I couldn’t possibly be infertile. But as the years went on I began to lose hope; I wondered why there were mothers who clearly didn’t want their children and why I, who so wished for a child to complete her family, was not given the chance to live out her dreams. It did not strike me as fair and there were days where I did not want to leave the house. Slowly I sank into a deep and dark depression and I felt empty inside. I lost my job and at times lost my will to live. If it wasn’t for my partner’s unwavering support and guidance, I’m not sure if I would have been here today. But then something happened and for the first time in years I felt a glimmer of hope. Could it be that the child I so desperately wanted was being rewarded to me at last?
As I wished to remain anonymous, you have to forgive me if I don’t go into too much detail about what type of PCOS I have or what type of In Vitro Fertilization I used to have the two beautiful girls that I have today and as much as I would love to share the ‘full story’ with you guys, I am not at that stage quite yet where I am ready to show the world who I really am. But I will tell you this, when I reached out to Ana to share my story, I did it because I wanted to show that no matter what your doctors say or how many of your friends are having children, there is always hope at the end of the tunnel. Never give up because one day your dreams will be answered. I wanted to show how my beautiful girls turned my heartache into tears of joy and showed me that God had sent me these hardships to ensure that I would be the best mum that I could ever be. And I am a damn good mom; it took me nearly a decade to have my two beautiful girls and when they were born, I found faith once more. I can almost sense Ana rolling her eyes not being religious but I know that secretly deep down she is happy that I have found myself again.
When I found out that I was pregnant with twins, I couldn’t stop myself from crying tears of joy. I felt like all the dark clouds that seemed to follow me wherever I went had disappeared and a rainbow had come and showered me with its glistening glory. I felt empowered, I felt scared but most of all I felt a happiness unlike anything that I had ever felt before. It was a miracle and when my twins were born just before Christmas day, I knew that Santa Claus had given me the best Christmas present that I could have ever wished for. When I see them laugh and play with each other it makes me smile and when I see them support each other through thick and thin my heart swells up with pride. I will raise them to become the girls of our generation; I will teach them that we should treat others fairly and without prejudice or discrimination, we should be thankful and above all be independent women who will do their bit to make the world a better place.
Without IVF, I might have never had children and I warn you, while the road is never easy and you might have more than one bout of IVF treatment, know that whatever is meant to happen will happen. I wouldn’t want to wish my years of pain on anyone but without them I might not have been the parent that I am today , without it I might not express gratitude and above all it made me a better wife, a better friend and a better parent. As the years go by and I watch my beautiful Christmas miracles grow older, I thank my lucky stars that my suffering is over and all I feel is joy.
Thank you Ana for helping me write this post and for sharing it on your blog. I am truly thankful for your friendship and who knows maybe one day, I might show my face!
Have You Ever Experienced Infertility Or Know Someone Who Has?
*Disclaimer
Please note this is an Anonymous post by ‘B’ which I wrote for her and was written in paid partnership with eggdonation friends who aim to break taboos surrounding IVF and infertility.
Aw!! This is such a heartwarming story and I’m so glad things worked out! <3 Congratulations on your little treasures B – I'm sure they'll have the most amazing start in life, being so wanted and loved! xxx
I am so happy to hear that B has her twins, how lovely to hear a happy ending. My ex husband and I experienced infertility, we underwent lengthy IVF processes and endured so much heartache. I can totally relate to this, thank you for sharing. Xx
This is really interesting to read. I had fertility treatment to become a mother and it was a stressful process but worthwhile. Thanks for sharing B’s story.
I’m a doctor and my Gynec friends have a lot to say on the topic of psychological issues associated with infertility. Many go through clinical depression even as they try the IVF and other modalities. In our hospital, there is even a counsellor whose sole job is to talk to such would be parents and make them see a clearer picture!
Great post! Thanks for sharing this woman’s story.
What a lovely story. A close family member has also had twins via IVF recently. I think it’s more common than we think -people just don’t talk about it for fear of judgment.
Oh I loved reading this – i have been so blessed to have 4 children and am so glad B got hers. Kaz 🙂
This is such a heart-warming story. One of my best friends could not have had her son without egg donation. It should definitely be discussed more.
I am very happy to hear this story. I have several friends who have struggled to get pregnant and I have struggled with how to support them without sounding patronising as I was lucky enough to fall pregnant relatively easily. I also know someone who had a baby girl via egg donation with I believe is incredible.
Such a heart warming read, I need to share this to my friend who has been undergoing IVF from past 2 years but is yet not able to conceive and has got 2 miscarriages. This story can be a motivation to her to just continue with a positive spirit .
I don’t see this as “taboo”. I had 3 miscarriages before my firstborn. We were starting to think I could not carry but with another attempt and under full care from my obstetrician I went full term and delivered a 3,90kg baby boy who now is 24yrs old. But what if I could not. I would have to think of adoption or “hire a tummy” in my case. Methods that were considered as being “taboo” as well. What irritates me is those that breed like rabbits and don’t value the role they were given, while those that really deserve to be “Moms” struggle to have children. But then, like my Mom says, That’s Life!
Congrats to B, she is a special Mom. To all trying to conceive, hang in there you will succeed and have a dream come true.
What a heartwarming story. I don’t know anyone whose has fertility problems but a lot of people I know don’t have kids so who knows how things might change in the future x
Is there still a taboo around infertility/IVF? There shouldn’t be. Many people struggle everyday with infertility and numerous failed IVF attempts. Good you are raising awareness about this.
Shame they is still taboo about infertility. I have PCOS and I’ve been TTC for over 2 years, not easy but its great you raised awareness.
I’ve had friends struggle with infertility and it’s so hard to deal with. I am glad B got to experience motherhood, it’s happiness like no other!
I thought the world had become more accepting when it came to IVF. I’ve always viewed it as another way to help women become pregnant, and thought other people felt the same! Lovely story – very heart-warming!
I know several women who have been blessed with beautiful babies through IVF.
If there was a taboo around the subject, it is definitely not in my circle of friends. We see many miracles in the field of medicine and many bring health and joy to families.
That is all I care about. Those who wish to quibble over it are idiots. I’m sorry to be so direct.
Well done you for raising some awareness. This is a lovely story x
This is a beautiful post. I have to agree with the anonymous writer medicine is not definite don’t just trust in that doctors opinion who knows you can a different outcome.. it is such an amazing story.. thank you for finding the courage to share it. It’s not easy sharing these kind of infos .
Thank you for a heartwarming read, “B.” I am truly happy that you were blessed with twins! God is always good. Put your trust in His Wisdom. Stay blessed, and thank you too, Ana for giving “B” the chance to share her story of hope.
It’s truly amazing all of the different treatments that are available today to help couples conceive. My wish is that no one ever would feel shame for needing to rely on one of them. While I don’t know anyone who’s had an IVF treatment, I do know of another kind of woman who is turning to technology. A neighbor (and dear friend) has a daughter who graduated last year with a degree in pharmaceuticals. She’s nearly 30 years old, just starting a very demanding career, and at some point would like to have a family. She’s frozen some of her eggs in order to keep her options open. x
Thank you for sharing her story. I have watched several of my friends go through the IVF process, and I now feel grateful that they were willing to share their stories with us. Their children are a blessing. I have even watched a friend receive her daily injection, which she said hurt like hell, but was worth it. Ouch! I am proud of all women that are willing to go through this process to have their children. I have a cousin at the beginning stages, and am seeing the difficulty it creates in a relationship to sometimes have these taboo conversations. Some people are more mature, but some are not ready for them .
I don’t really know where to begin , first congratulation to the mommy ! thousands congratulation to her! is not an easy road and not everyone who follows this road is a winner , I’m glad it was her case . Around here is not a taboo subject, most of the mommies I know had her babies or at least the first one thru IFV, but I also know how hard is for the woman’s going thru it to talk about
What a great post. It’s a subject close to my heart. We went through ivf (many times) to conceive our son. While I openly share this I know of many parents who don’t. That is such a shame. It certainly helps having posts like these
Beautiful story of courage and patience no matter what. I’m glad she was able to ultimately give a healthy birth and be blessed with motherhood.
That’s so great that she was able to do that and have to children of her own. I know my ex had issues with her ovaries that made it so we were unsure. And if we hadn’t been able to have our daughter I know we would have wanted to have an option like this.
What a heartwarming story. Thanks for sharing.
I love the openness about this because so many people struggle with IVF and egg donation and conceiving a baby on their own. I would donate eggs but I think I am out of the age range now.
It’s so important to give voice to those topics that seem taboo to discuss. It’s what I value about being a sex educator. I did struggle with infertility, but my journey did not end with the blessing of child. I do love to hear when it turns out differently for others. Thanks for sharing B’s story. 💛💛
Thank you B and Ana for sharing this story, so many people suffer in silence, lets break the tabboo and speak of the struggles. I know Ana is an advocate and its always a pleasure to come and read what she has come up with
What a beautiful story! I’m so happy for B :’) I know someone who has PCOS and it’s really hard for her :'( I’m thrilled that you were able to have kids, being a mom is such a blessing!
This is a great series that allows people to share their stories without being too vulnerable by giving up their identity. In our home, no subject is taboo. A beautiful post.
I have a friend who are undergoing the same situation. I am sure this will give her a sense of hope and positivity to still believe that there are ways to get pregnant and own a child. Thanks for being so brave to share your story.
I think that the more people share their story on this, then less people will feel alone
i really like the way, you have put across your thoughts. This is really sensitive to talk about these topics. I never heard of anyone who came across IVF but yes this is very sensitive and emotional topic.
Congratulations ‘B’ on your twins.
I was amongst the fortunate ones, able to conceive without medical assistance – though I did then go on to have very complicated pregnancies and c sections both times.
In my mind, whatever the medical intervention needed (whether it’s IVF, a surrogate, a C section or treatment throughout pregnancy), whatever it takes to bring those beautiful babies into the world is what we do.
Congratulations again. This was a brave post 🙂
Without going into detail I fully understand B. My situation is similar but I am not at a point where I am ready to talk about it. She is brave to tell her story and I wish her and her family the best.