Why There Is Nothing Wrong With Having A One Night Stand
I was always someone who categorized herself as being a ‘relationship’ kind of girl, who wasn’t into casual dating, was ‘judgey’ about one night stands, and who didn’t like to have sex on the first date. But then something changed and I realized that A. there is nothing wrong with having a one night stand, B. not everyone you sleep with has to be your ‘boyfriend’ and C. when you are not after something heavy and just want something light and fruity, a ‘one night stand’ can be the perfect way to alleviate stress. Before however, I was conscious of how others would view me, and surrounded by people who were very much about the ‘relationship train’ and would make cutting comments about women who would have one night stands, I would internalize their remarks and feel uncomfortable with the ‘idea’ of a one night stand.
Gradually over time, I began to be more open minded with my attitudes towards sex, being more open to the idea of one night stands, and listening with fascination to my friends sexual escapades. But I remember the moment when I had my first one night stand; after years of only having sex in relationships, something changed and eager to see what all the fuss was about, I hooked up with a guy from the bar, who I knew barely anything about, and went back to his to ‘get the party started’. Truth was it was an awkward and cumbersome experience, I felt weird after, and while there were ‘promises’ to keep in touch and get another date on the road, nothing fruitful came of it. I felt deflated and dejected after, so it took me a while to get into the one night stand crowd, especially as I always felt more comfortable having sex with ‘people I knew’ as opposed to complete strangers who for all I knew could be serial killers.
And while my first one night stand experience was disorientating, over time when I came into the ‘online dating world’ something changed to transform my perceptions around casual dating and one night stands. After the first one night stand that I had, I had several other one night stand experiences (although it was never my intention for it to be a ‘one time thing’). It wasn’t until recently however, that I began to see the benefits of one night stands. The first ‘meaningful one night stand’ I had was last year, someone who I had been seeing for a few months, was my ‘type on paper’ and who I had an intense ‘physical and emotional connection’ with. I wasn’t intending for it to be a one night stand, in fact, I was hoping that our relationship would last, but as circumstances would have it, he completely ghosted on me, became the invisible man, and was a bit of a tool.
At first things seemed to be perfect, he wined and dined me, was flirtatious and had a beautiful smile. As the night drew to a close and I started to go, the passion exploded and we could not let go of each other. One thing led to another and the bedroom became our parlor. He told me I didn’t have to do anything but in that moment I wanted to. And while the sex wasn’t extraordinary, the cuddling and the kissing was great, and we slumbered in each other arms as morning rose. He lived in another country, so while the promise to keep in touch was insistent, he did what he had done several times throughout the time that he was seeing me and completely blanked out on me, even though he had previously urged me to come and visit him, and I was ready to book the flights there and then.
I remember saying to a good friend of mine after I had sex with this guy, that I was worried it ‘was going to turn into a one night stand’ (which I didn’t want it to be) and that I would feel a bit ‘off’ if nothing else came from it. But as time has passed, I realize that I am grateful for the outcome of that ‘one night stand’. Not only did I then start having ‘sex on the first date’ if I felt like the chemistry was there (and I wanted to have sex) but it also made me more open minded when it came to casual dating and one night stands. In fact, between then and the time that I met my now boyfriend, I went on to have several more one night stands, although only two of them were intentional one night stands but more on that later, and with each person had a different sexual experience that A. showed me what I did and didn’t want from a ‘boyfriend’, B. allowed me to express myself sexually and C. let off steam. So while I do prefer relationships, I have also had positive one night stands, and can see why they are popular in mainstream society.
In short, don’t knock it til you try it.
But why is there nothing wrong with having a one night stand? From having the freedom to express yourself sexually without strings or expectations attached, to having some light relief after breaking up with an ex, here is why a one night could be beneficial for you.
If You Don’t Want A Relationship But Crave Physical Intimacy A One Night Stand Can Sate Your Sexual Needs
To be blunt, if you are feeling horny and want to get that ‘D’, a one night stand can sate your sexual needs oh so satisfactorily. And while some of us might be looking for relationships, for those of you who don’t want a relationship but crave physical intimacy, a one night stand might be the perfect sexual remedy for you. From hooking up with cute guys in bars, to meeting guys on Tinder, who have already said that ‘they are not after something serious and enjoy being single’, a one night stand could be your ticket to outstanding sexy times at Bone Town Central. And while for me I do prefer having sex with the same person, for that brief phase where I was having sex with different people pretty regularly – I call it my sexual awakening era- having one night stands were fun because there was no strings attached, no expectations and you didn’t need to worry about whether the guy was going to text and call again, unless you were super ‘into him’.
So for example with my boyfriend, while I didn’t know that we were going to have sex that first date, I did know that once I liked him, and shared the majority of the next day together too, that I definitely wanted it to be more than a ‘one night thing’ and was relieved that we continued to see each other, as our attraction grew. But for one of the guys, where the sex was premeditated and it was labelled as a ‘casual thing’, I knew that I didn’t want a relationship or even a date with him, and the feeling was mutual, so we had some fairly standing bonking and then bid our goodbyes only to not see each other again.
While there was nothing remarkable about the sex we had- in fact you could say that my sex life with my boyfriend is far better than anyone I have ever been with- it did the trick and gave us both the physical intimacy that we needed in that moment in time.
A One Night Stand Could Be The Light Relief That You Need To Get Over An Ex
The saying goes that the best way to get over someone is under somebody else, and while a one night stand wont solve all of your problems, it could be the light relief or rebound that you need to heal from a breakup, especially if it was recent. The only thing I would say is if sex is on the cards, you make your intentions clear from the start and tell your date/hook up that you are not after anything ‘heavy’ as you recently broke up with your ex and just want to have some fun while your heart heals. Just make sure that you are both on the same page, because there is nothing worse than having a one night stand where suddenly expectations are nurtured, and the other person ends up wanting more from the liasion than you did. So after seeing the ‘Invisible Man’ disappear into the shadows, I needed some light relief to get me ‘over him’, hence queuing the line up of one night stands or casual date scenarios that I had after him. After Invisible Man, there was the ‘Player who didn’t like to be seen in public with me’ although we actually had two dates, so that doesn’t count, MR Call Me Daddy who was older and a problematic character, The Older Teacher who was the perfect one night stand because it was light relief without any strings attached, and we both didn’t care about seeing each other again, MR Love Island Wannabe Bodybuilder, The Bowie Enthusiast (again not a one night stand but someone who would take the piss with me and in the end I bid him adieu), The Army Drop Out (the perfect one night stand material, although he actually wanted to see me again), and the Sweet Puppy who was my last one night stand before meeting my boyfriend, D.
So while you don’t necessarily need to or have the desire to go on a rebound bonking session, believe me when I say that is a great way of getting it all out of your system before you meet the right person for you.
One Night Stands Can Show You What You Do And Don’t Like In The Bedroom
If there is one thing that I have learned from having one night stands, it is that I have been educated on what I do and do not like in the bedroom, as well as teaching me to try new things. For example with some of the guys I had a one night stand with the sex was great i.e. The Army Dropout and Love Island Wannabee were both great one night stand material because they were ‘focused on my pleasure’ and wasn’t purely just about satisfying themselves, which MR Bowie and Call Me Daddy, were definitely into. And while I like being dominant at times, I also like being dominated (but not in a BDSM sense as I am not massively into that), with a guaranteed orgasm in store for me if you A. are good with your hands, B. get turned on by turning me on and C. don’t just think of your own sexual pleasure. In other words, I like it when someone takes charge and does things that they know I like in the bedroom because it shows that they are thinking of me. With Bowie for example, the reason that things never worked out with us was because A. he never made me a priority and always put his own needs and interests before mine (like on our first date where I had no say on where we went to and he took me to a place with one vegetarian option) B. made sex all about him, and then was confused when I wasn’t having an orgasm and C. the last time he saw me, the sex was not even considering what I wanted, and not only hurt me- in fact I was literally bleeding- but he didn’t even think or want to do anything to ‘get me off’.
And with MR Daddy I felt uncomfortable with him not only because of the hardcore BDSM aspect, but also because of his degrading comments on women, feminism and his attitudes towards sex. In fact just like Bowie, he said that ‘normal sex bored him’ and wasn’t into pleasing the woman, something which was not ok with me. My boyfriend however is the very opposite, not only do we have fantastic chemistry sexually, and have a wonderful sex life, but he is also someone who constantly makes me laugh, is kind, considerate and an all round good bloke. But since we are talking about sex, my experience with one night stands gave me a better idea of learning my likes and dislikes, meaning that the next time I would be in a relationship, I could be vocal and direct about what turned me on in the bedroom. After all, there is nothing I like more than a guy who likes to make me scream on demand. A one way ticket to Orgasmville here we come.
There Is No Harm In Trying Something New
Just like anything that we do, trying something new and outside of our comfort zone can be scary and tumultuous. I remember the first time I had a one night stand, I felt like I was going to be physically sick because as someone who has major anxiety, the idea of having sex with someone you don’t know can lead you to overthink everything from ‘is it a waste of my time if nothing else happens’ and B. what will other people think. Now, I am more open and outspoken about my bedroom activities and my attitudes towards casual dating/one night stands is far more positive than it was several years ago, because I have seen that there are some positives in a scenario where neither party gets hurt. After all unlike relationships, casual dates or friends with benefits, one night stands come with no strings attached because there are no expectations set. Besides how can you know whether one night stands are for you or not when you have never given them a go? And the best thing about trying something new is that if you don’t like that something new, you don’t need to try it again.
In some cases though trying something new takes a few attempts before you can decide whether it is for you or not. So while my first one night stand was awkward, and I have had some awkward ones in between, there has also been sexual experiences that have been exhilarating, mind blowing and just what I needed to blow off steam. But again if something is not for you, you don’t have to do it again. So if you had sex with someone, who you are hesitant about seeing again, then there is no obligation there to follow up on another meeting- unless there was a promise to meet again- because no expectations are set. Plus if you are bored of hitting up men at the bar, or arrange casual dates via Tinder, then justonenightstands.com is a great website for hookups or naughty chat, because it is free to use and all members are on the same page in regards to one night stands.
Having Sex Is Actually Great For Our Physical, Emotional And Sexual Health
Having sex doesn’t just feel incredibly good, but it is also excellent for our physical, emotional and sexual health. Emotionally sex can make us feel more powerful, empowered, happy, tranquil, active, at peace and even more passionate, with sex being a proven boost for our mental health. In fact having good sex, whether that be in a relationship or a one night stand can soothe stress and anxiety, because having that close physical intimacy, even when it is someone you don’t know, releases your body’s natural “feel-good hormone.” This is because sexual arousal releases a brain chemical that revs up your brain’s pleasure and reward system, boosting your self-esteem and happiness too. So if you are having a one night stand, you will still reap the emotional benefits of a short term hookup, as it can make you feel desired and can be a prescription for a healthier, more sexually fulfilled life. Having a one night stand also has physical benefits too. Not only can having sex improve your libido but for women having one night stands or sex in general, it can increase vaginal lubrication, blood flow, and elasticity, all of which make sex feel better and help you crave more of it. What’s more, good sex like a workout for your pelvic floor muscles. When you have an orgasm, it causes contractions in those muscles, which strengthens them and creates a strong pelvic floor. Having a good pelvic floor is also important for avoiding incontinence, something that will affect about 30% of women at some point in their lives.
Furthermore, people who have sex also have higher levels of what defends your body against germs, viruses, and other intruders, which seems like a great excuse to get yourself laid. For example, research concluded that having sex created a lower blood pressure, in a study that showed sexual intercourse lowered systolic blood pressure. And while sex is good for our mental health, strengthens our pelvic floor and is a great form of sexercise- did you know sex uses about five calories per minute, four more calories than watching TV- sex also helps keep your estrogen and testosterone levels in balance. When either one of those is low you begin to get lots of problems, like osteoporosis and even heart disease. In fact research goes further to say that men who had sex at least twice a week were half as likely to die of heart disease as men who had sex rarely. And if that wasn’t incentive enough to get jiggy, did you know that orgasms can block pain as they release a hormone that helps raise your pain threshold? In fact studies have found that vaginal stimulation can block chronic back and leg pain, and genital self-stimulation can reduce menstrual cramps, arthritic pain, and in some cases even a headache.
Because it lowers your blood pressure and risk of heart attack, helps in women’s bladder control, improves sleep, and eases stress to name a few, a one night stand might be just what the doctor ordered.
A One Night Stand Is Less Messy Than Friends With Benefits
When it comes to getting down and dirty, while many might prefer a friends with benefits relationship, because there is a degree of familiarity, for me I don’t feel that casual dating always works because there is an element of attachment and need that cannot be fulfilled by a ‘half relationship’ as I would call it. And while I wouldn’t declare that having a one night stand is a good idea if you are not in the right headspace or are looking for a relationship, ultimately I do believe that it is less messier than friends with bens, as you are not expecting anything from the person that you have sex with. And as someone who gets attached to people who she likes pretty quickly, I would say that I prefer one night stands because at least you don’t need to worry about whether they want to see you again or not as it is mutual transaction, with the exchange being sex and company for short term use only. Although when I was having one night stands I was looking for a relationship, I enjoyed the sexual encounters that I had along the way before I met my boyfriend because it was a way for me to have fun, let my hair down and express myself without needing to commit to anything or anyone, because they would be on the same page. Plus I don’t know about you but I don’t have sex with my friends as that is just more emotional drama than I can handle. After all what is more likely to cause you stress, catching feelings for someone who you have had casual sex with over a period of time or having sex with a number of different people? A friend with benefits sounds good in theory, but those kinds of relationships get messy, quickly. Avoid the emotional massacre down the road and get out just as quickly as you got in.
Now that I am in a relationship, I love being able to share that physical and emotional intimacy with one person, who gives me butterflies everytime we meet. But coming from someone who went from Anti-One Night Stands to everybody say free love, I can certainly say that there is an appeal to no strings attached sex, as it can be exciting with different people all the time. Whereas when you are with the same person, but are not in a relationship with them, one way or another someone is guaranteed to catch feelings, meaning bye bye friends with bens, and even worse bye bye friend. If however a one night stand becomes a ‘two night’ stand, then it’s no longer a one-night stand; it’s instantly transformed into a booty call or potential friend-with-benefits situation. For example , MR Player who didn’t want to see me in public, ‘booty called me’ to come meet him a few days after our first date. But unlike our first date where he at least made an effort, the second date was more of what I would call a ‘fuckfest’ (not that I was complaining about that) where we were meant to go for drinks, but he evaded the ‘promise he made’, didn’t meet me at the station, and then told me to go back to his. He tried to get me to go upstairs immediately but I wasn’t having any of it-he was also drunk-and then we did have sex it was fantastic, true, but I couldn’t help feeling like I was a booty call, something I was not comfortable with. Whereas the first date he actually made the effort by taking me out to dinner and then drinks. But more on this interesting character another time. My point being that one night stands end up being less messier than casual dating as no feelings, expectations or familiarity is involved and you get to scratch that god damn itch without your date lurking outside your door, hoping for round two. And let me tell you something, when you are horny as F**k and have had a dry spell, there is nothing more satisfying than a good ol’ bonk sesh. Because let’s face it being sexually frustrated sucks.
What Are Your Thoughts On One Night Stands?
Please note this is a collaborative post but all thoughts are my own and are not affected by monetary compensation