‘Dark matter oozing out of toxic waste, the stench of deficit humanity corroding our senses. Black hearts and dark minds caught in a freeze frame of empty promises. Decaying words buried in the icy darkness of the devils soul, the cries of lost children trapped in time. Humanity self-destructs in a window of broken dreams, the memories of childhood lost in translation. Look into the eye of the beast, the glare of bestial ferocity your weapon of survival. Deathless broken souls trapped in between worlds, the sycthe on the nape of my neck.’
Every day millions of children and adults are oppressed by a system that segregates us into camps. We are black or white, poor or rich and popular or unpopular but what are we without labels? Without labels society is unable to control us, afraid of the power we have as liberated humans. I welcome a world where labels does not exist for without labels we are free to be ourselves without the fear of judgement.
In my utopian vision oppression does not exist; an idyllic paradise awaits us where man is at one with man and nature is our external role model. As humans we can learn a lot from the way that nature operates and it is its spiritual atmosphere that will break us free from the chains that society instated. We must unite and put our past grudges aside and show institutional rulers that we are not made to be broken. We are warriors with a weapon of love and it is our love for our peers that will ressurect the human race.
I was once broken, a doll shattered in limbo without the support I needed to sustain me. I was young and weak, a passive vessel of negativity that made my life an endless hell. I often felt words like a whiplash to my senses and was afraid of what the future may hold. But that girl is gone, I am a battle scarred warrior with the strength and determination to change the world one step at a time and it is time to tell my story.
As I hover over my keyboard a thousand memories flit past, a scrapbook of the good, bad and the ugly. I wade through the dark swamp of depression, misty thoughts clouding my memory and I quickly scuttle into the endorphin rush of vitamin D, the sunshine rays driving the clouds away. My memories are defined by numbers; At the age of two I was abandoned by my mother whereupon my father raised me until the age of six where he met ‘E’ the stepmother that would control me until I learnt to be a warrior at the age of 10. At 10 I was raised in care, at 12 I was bullied and at 21 I was betrayed by the ones that were meant to ‘love me the most’. But in between those numbers is deprivation, I was starved, beaten and emotionally blackmailed by those who were meant to provide the love and security that I so desperately craved.
Perhaps another time I will tell you the full story, how I was nearly killed, how I lost everyone around me and how I began to take back the power that had been so wrongly taken from me. No matter what people say I am a warrior and my scars are a testament to my strength as a human being. I have been broken into submission and each time I have bounced back stronger waiting for the next hit to be deflected. I am not a victim, do not pity me; I wear my scars with pride and even in my darkest hours I knew at the back of my mind that I was fighter and noone not even my enemies could take that away from me. I am still healing from the lacerations that adorn my flesh but every night I caress the silver webs and promise them that it is going to be ok.
I laugh because life still runs through my veins and the bullies are left in the darkness, dead inside. I smile because words can no longer hurt me and the taunts are all but a distant memory. From now on I will no longer let ‘false friends’ into my life nor will I be pushed into doing something that I am not comfortable with. I will be an inspiration to those without a voice, who have been rendered passive by the oppressors before them and I will teach them how to fight.
But there are many who a trapped in time, too broken to see beyond their past. Without a family or many friends growing up I managed to trump belief and prove everyone wrong. Without love and encouragement I showed the world that I am not a ‘nobody’ but a somebody with the passion to succeed and what am I motivated by? Love, the intangible emotion that is so intense inside your heart; I am in love with life and will not let go of it no matter how many demons I am tested by. I am not religious by any means but I am a firm believer in positive thinking and it is that which defines my destiny.
How many of you have been betrayed by the ones that you love, how many of you have been subjected to torment that no human being should face in their lifetime? But how many of you have risen from the ashes to take back your identity from the thief that stole it to relinquish their own insecurities? That is all that bullies are, they are no stronger than you and don’t ever let them tell you any different. If I had a jar for the amount of times that I was told I was never good enough I would be rich because I showed everyone that I am not to be messed with.
A wise woman once told me ‘be the woman that you want to be and not the woman that society wants you to be’ and I hold the ethos dearly to my heart. I am not a coward nor am I oppressed I am a fighter with a passion for social justice and will never steer from the strength of my convictions. I want you to look to the past and see how you can use it to shape your future for it is here that your courage truly begins.
‘Will you join me in the fight against the oppressor or will you be broken into submission?’
Photography: Jumanna Khanom
Dress & Hat : Asos
Heeled Sandals: Dorothy Perkins
Bag: New Look