‘I will die tomorrow but I will die happy, I will die knowing that I grabbed life by the horns, In death I will remain a warrior, a pillar of strength, Death cannot change who I am for the worse, Dying is like reaching enlightenment- there will be light, Let down your guard and give me control of my own destiny, For I want to die on my own terms- take that death’
I was struck by how full of life he was, he didn’t want pity and above all lived life like he could die tomorrow. And that is the sad thing, he could because G suffers with Motor Neurone disease. It is very rare that sufferers survive longer than two years and G was diagnosed a year ago. It saddens me that this man in his 30s who was once full of life will no longer be around to celebrate the beauty of being alive and when I gave him my commiserations he told me that he had accepted the inevitability of premature death but was ok with it. It struck a chord with me, this brave young man had accepted that he had little life left to spare but he wasn’t going to sit at home and sulk about it. Despite his detoriating health he still administers his own medication and takes himself to hospital and out to places. G’s bravery is inspiring and has taught me to accept my own life with a fuller heart. G despite not being able to walk and being wheelchair bound is animated, lively and we spent 3 hours chatting about life and what he does to take his mind off the pain.
The incredible young man dedicates his time to charity and owns two websites which he said saved him from the brink of depression . Before he was diagnosed G was a business owner and used to party like there was no tomorrow. G told me that he was never happier than when he was diagnosed because he -like all of us- took life for granted. It was only when G became ill that he began to appreciate the little things in life and grew to savour every living moment because that is what life is all about. How many of you have walked through life without savouring the moment, without acknowledging how much your friends and family mean to you? I know I certainly have and like I said it would be very visible who remained your true friend in the darkest hour because the other false friends would go crawling into the woodworks finding someone else to ‘play with’ who was full of life and energy. G echoed my sentiments but courageously did not begrudge their cowardly actions because once again life is too short to hold grudges and he is right. I try to forgive and forget and even my own stepmother who abused me I do not hate or hold a grudge against. In fact I thank the bullies that made my life hell and I thank the stepmother who hated me so much because they taught me that I am stronger than I think. I am a warrior and noone can take that away from me.
Speaking to this man put my life into perspective; live life like it is your last because you never know what is around the corner. I want all my readers to think about G and how he remains positive in the knowledge of impending death and apply that to their own lives. Let us be positive and enjoy the little remaining time that we have left on earth. Rejoice those who mean the most to you and show them how much you appreciate them being there for you. I have been guilty of unintentionally freezing people out because of work but I should learn to put myself in their shoes and be more open in my communication. Living life to the full is to embrace every opportunity or obstacle that comes your way no matter how frightening it can be and saying yes more often than you would like to. Sometimes I am scared to try new things but I should change that and branch out of my little box. There is a whole world out there waiting to be explored and focusing on the negatives or being rooted in the past is not going to help anyone. For a while during my serious phase of depression where I was considering commiting suicide I couldn’t stop thinking about all the bad things that had happened to me and was feeling pretty darn sorry for myself.
Shaking myself out of depression was no easy feat but I knew I needed to wake up and smell the coffee. When was I going to learn that focusing on the past was not going to help me at all? The irony is some might suggest that me writing posts about my experiences with abuse, bullying and depression is focusing on the past but what I must point out is that I no longer focus on the past to ‘feel sorry for myself’ but write to help others and that is the big difference. It is ok to feel connected to the past and it is ok to look to the future but don’t let it take over your present. So join me in embracing a new tomorrow and let us teach each other how to live life to the full. Because without life and positivity we would be nothing but empty shells of the universes imagination.
Join me in the battle against negativity and start living life to the full today
Photography- Jumanna Khanom
Knee Highs- New Look