Dear Dad,
I remember the last time that I held your hand; I was 10 years old and had just been taken into care by my foster mum. You came to my new foster home and promised me that you were always going to keep in touch, that you would never stop seeing me no matter what. But you did and at the age of 10 I learned that my biological parents, who I was meant to call mum and dad, were not always going to be the ones to kiss me goodnight and hold me in their arms when things got tough. You blamed me for getting put into care, telling social services that I had exaggerated the extent of the abuse that I had faced at the hands of your wife and yet you were there, you saw with your very own eyes all the things that she had done to me. The names she called me, the lies she made me tell, the beatings I would get. I loved and still love you with all my heart but I wonder if you too blacked out memories from the past, because they were too painful to confront head on. After all no father wants to admit that he lost custody of his little girl because she was abused by his partner or openly admit that he could have done more to prevent the abuse.
I was six years old when SHE came into our lives and within mere weeks, she had moved in with us and was taking charge of the household. The abuse started off quietly at first, a few comments about my appearance and intellect but over time the abuse got worse and secure in her knowledge that she had entrapped you for good, she began abusing me in front of you. She alienated you from seeing all your friends and family and turned me into her own personal Cinderella, before your very own eyes this woman who you had seen as the ‘one’ became a monster, engorged with the fruits of my labor. Do you know how many times I cried myself to sleep or how I was so scared of what she might do some nights that I would lay awake with my eyes open in bed, so that she couldn’t hurt me when you were sleeping? One of the most painful memories of all was not the physical beatings or the names she would call me, even the mind games she would play with me were nothing in comparison to this event. I was seven years old and had come home to the news that you had married my abuser and the worst part of all was that I had not been invited to my own fathers wedding, his own daughter barred from the ceremony.
It was at that point that I realized I had lost you and when she gave birth to my sister P, the abuse got worse. I was barely functioning and when I came into school bruised and swollen, teachers immediately guessed what had been going on. That day that she beat me so hard that my head was swollen to twice its size you told me, in fact begged me not to say anything. But I did, I told the truth because I thought that they could make the abuse stop but it would be three more years before I was rescued and taken into care at the age of 10. I want you to know that despite what happened, I never blame you for any of the abuse, because I know that she was and continues to manipulate you too. It saddens me that you never got to see me grow up or that it took my aunty getting cancer for you to speak to her again. Look at what this woman has done to you, she controls your every move and stops you from seeing your own daughter. Even your own children, my step-siblings don’t even know that they have another sibling and that is the hardest part of all. Sometimes I wonder whether they will find out the truth and come looking for me, if they do I will tell them the truth. Not because you are a bad father, you are not,but that their mother treated me badly, because she wanted my dad all to herself.
I have tears in my eyes as I write this and it is not because I am upset about being abused or all the events that came after but because I miss you more than words can tell. I will never call anyone else my dad because you are still my father despite everything and I will never say a bad word about you because you are not a bad person. I gave you a second chance to be my father and you do what you feel you can. I have not seen you in 13 years but you still take the time to call me when you can, because in spite of my step-mums actions, I know that you still love me no matter what. I know that you can never have the strength to go against E’s hatred against me and even have my name saved as someone else on your phone. I know that she tracks your calls and I pity that you are stuck with someone as controlling as E. To you she may seem like the most amazing woman on Earth , after all you love her and that has to count for something right? But she is not who you think she is and behind those rose tinted glasses, I know that you are scared too. Of what she might do if you ever left her, of who you could turn to if things went tits up. I don’t want you to grow old surrounded by noone but her and your kids, I want you to to back to your roots and embrace the family that have always been here waiting with open arms. Because we still love you, no matter what.
I remember the last holiday that we had together, in Madeira where you are both from. I was 10 years old and we went out there for the Christmas holidays; I was scared of what she might do to me when we were so far from home that I begged my Aunty, your sister who lives in Madeira to let me stay with her while we were out there. She saw the scars, the scratches and the bruises and realized that the woman who you had promised to love until the end, had beaten me without remorse. She got in touch with social services and within a month of returning back home I was finally taken into care. But the damage was already done, do you remember what happened to me when I was out in Madeira, when my Aunt had an appointment to go to. How I was there out in the sea and you scolded me for almost drowning, as if it was my fault. Did you not see her out there in the water trying to hurt me, how she continued to hurt me time and time again and you still stood by and did nothing? I know I remember and the nightmares I had would plague me throughout my Tween years.
When I first went into care, you came to see me at first and we had supervised visits at your house where social services would sit in, to make sure that I would not get hurt. But she did hurt me, that fateful November night she ran after me screaming obscenities and threatening to do awful things to me. From that moment forth, I was never allowed in your house again but for a few months after you would come to my Foster Mum’s house and we would cook together. You were and still are a chef and those wonderful few months where we would bake and cook together, before going for a blissful stroll would make my heart burst with happiness. I thought that you would do the right thing and leave her but you never did and within months I was told that you could ‘never come and see me again’. You were the first guy to break my heart and the one man that I have truly ever loved, I still love you but it took me a while to accept that I might never see you again and it hurt.
At the age of 23, I am in a far better place than I was back then and I want you to know that I am ok, in fact I am finally at a stage where I could consider myself to be happy. I have been battling depression and anxiety from a young age and while it is partially rooted in the abuse, it also stems from being bullied so I don’t want you to ever blame yourself. At the end of the day, things happen for a reason and if we are ever meant to meet again we will but for now I will hold on to the memories of what we shared, in the short 10 years that we had together. How you kept strong when my mum left us in the middle of the night when I was 2 and a half, how you would treat me like your special princess that you said I was or how even now, though my memory of what you look like is fading, you still call me and that is better than nothing. This Father’s day you may be surrounded by your wife and kids, but I want you to know that I still love you just as much as they do because absence makes the heart grow fonder.
I love you Dad, forever and always,
From Your Daughter Ana x
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Father is one of the blessing that God has provided us. but am so sorry some people dont take care of this blessing
Yes sadly some people take their fathers for granted and for many like me, we don’t have a father around to support us. It could be sad but in my case I don’t blame him, after all she is manipulating him as well. Abuse is never easy to overcome x
What a heartfelt letter to your dad. I hope you get to see him again and catch up.
Thank you that is very sweet of you. Sadly I don’t think I will ever see my dad again but there is always hope that sometime in the future he will come to his senses and leave his abusive wife.
A really moving and heart felt letter, and extremely honest. Be proud of who you are now, that is down to you.
This is a very moving letter and I love how you said you are okay after all of this in the last para. It is never easy to let go and I am sure it must be very hard for you.
Wow! That was so emotional. As ever you write so eloquently, beautiful letter and I hope wherever your dad is he gets the chance to read this
I cried reading your letter to your father and I found myself in many of your words. My father was abusive all his life, very violent with me, and after the divorce from my mother he found a woman that hated me and my sister. She hated us so much that every time we went to visit she would make us clean her house. It’s been years since I last spoke to my father. He has a new daughter now, who looks just like me… the irony.
Ana I am crying reading this. As a mother I cannot imagine my children every hearing a cruel word or worse from myself or my partner. It is a sin you and to endure this. I wish I could erase it all for you. What an amazing woman you have become and you will go on to be an amazing Mother and your would will be healed xx
such a powerful letter. despite everything you’ve gone through, you are amazing and strong
What a heartfelt and honest letter to your father. Maybe one day he’ll come to his senses for you…
wow what a personal post. This was a really interesting read, thanks for sharing!
What a heartfelt letter – one filled with such emotion and heart breaking moments. Such tough and unfair things for anyone to experience!
You have been through so much. I loved reading this letter to your dad and really do hope you see him again someday.
Oh darling what an emotional letter so heart breaking – I really hope your father reads this and understands the pain you had to endure x
That was so emotional. And what an awesome letter hope you are ok.
Such a heartfelt and honest letter! It’s touching how forgiving you are, and I’m glad that you finally found ways to be happy.
That is a very moving and honest letter. I hope one day he’ll come to his senses and you’ll get to see him again.
I feel so emotional while reading this letter. You really have a great heart to let go of the past.
I really don’t know what to say to this… That was really powerful, and knocked the wind out of me…
So sorry you had to endure this. It must have been so difficult x
Beautiful words from your heart Ana; I’m just sorry that you still carry the pain with you. What you experienced was so unfair and unjust, yet you now shine with your beautiful personality and talents.
The fact that, after everything, you can still say you love your father is a huge testament to how far you’ve come as a person and how strong you are.
reading this broke my heart. A parent should never put a significant other above a child, but it is similar to situations I have seem far too many times working as a Guardian Ad Litem. I am glad you were able to tell the truth and get proper care. So many kids are too scared to say anything and think they need to deal with it.
This was such a beautiful and heartfelt letter for your father. Somehow I could sense the longing that you have for him. I hope someday he will learn to fight for you. I admire you for being so forgiving. You have such a big heart, Ana.
Oh sweetheart, I’m so glad that you are now at a point in your life where you are feeling empowered enough to share your story with others. There must be such a cleansing feel to do that. All of the abuse you went through as a young child is unthinkable. But while you don’t blame your father for the abuse, I think one day you will understand that he too was an abuser. When an adult stands by and allows abuse to continue on a child they are absolutely complicit in every single way. He may have been a good man but was weak and cowardly. I know you love him and that’s wonderful. But it still doesn’t take away the pain or the fact that he had a huge (and I do mean huge) part in what happened to you as a child. My love and heart go out to you. You are an amazing young woman. You are empowered. You are intelligent. You are beautiful. You are valued.
Yes my step dad aabused me too…I’m sorry this happened to you.
Tamsin 🙁 I am sorry to hear about your abuse, if you ever need anyone to talk to I am here for you. That was very brave of you to share that with me x
Your story is very moving. It made me sad. I really don’t know what to say because I have never felt abuse. But I admire your strength and love for your Father. I hope the wounds heal fully over time.
The most heartfelt letter I have ever read, reading this brought a tear to my eyes. Keep your head held high dear Ana, I hope one day your father gets to see what a beautiful person you are!
This was a tough entry to read. I’m sorry that you had this horrible experience and marred relationship with your father. You’re very strong for taking it head on. It sounds like he isn’t quite there. Good luck with healing. You get stronger every day.
What a heartfelt post/letter- you gave me goosebumps. i wish you all the best with your relationship with your dad (if he comes to his senses).
This is such a heartfelt letter. Thank you for being so vulnerable with your readers.
Much love,
Ashley | dearash.com
Such a heart felt, heart wrenching post to read. It is very admirable that you are able to share your story with the world and to put yourself in such a vulnerable place. It is obvious that you have grown from these experiences, and that is something amazing to see. Really beautiful letter.
I hope that one day Ana you will actually send a copy of this letter to your father. He probably honestly does not know this is how you feel or if he does maybe he doesn’t want to think all these horrible things happened. But seeing it written out in front of you reading it on a piece of paper might open his eyes .
I hope your father reads this, beautiful words and an amazing gift for writing!! Girls needs their dads and I hope you get to experience a great relationship with him one day
This is beautiful and inspiring post. Sorry you had to though such difficult things but glad to see you’re made it. Your outfit is amazing! xx corinne
Such a touching and emotional story! I really admire the things you put on paper!
This is such a beautiful and honest letter. I hope you can see him again someday. You went through a lot and deserve it.
Oh Ana, my heart just broke for you, and not for the first time. I am so very sad that you haven’t had your dad in your life in the way you deserve. He is missing out on such a wonderful, generous, talented and beautiful daughter. So much love to you this fathers day. xxx
How very sad, I had to come back to finish reading this post because I could not stop crying. You are a brave young lady who is a beautiful person inside and out. Its hard to forget but try and move on you have lots of good things a head of you.
This is one of the most powerful and raw posts I’ve ever read. I’m sorry that all this happened to you. I can’t even begin to imagine how difficult it all much be especially in the run up to father’s day.
I’m glad you’ve made peace with it but that couldn’t have been easy.
V <3
http://sirvikalot.wordpress.com
Gosh! That was a very personal post. I thank you for sharing it even though it was hard to read, all that emotion, at times. I think you’re an incredibly forgiving person.
What beautiful words. I really feel for you. I’m not surprised you wrote that with tears in your eyes. How sad in so many ways. I’m so sorry you went through what you went through. Only this year have I come to realise how hard Father’s Day can be for people. We just don’t think what others may be going through or have gone through
What a moving and honest letter I’m sorry to hear u are still carrying the pain with u .
I am so sorry to hear about everything that you went through. Sending big hugs!
so heartbreaking to read what you have been through but your level of compassion and forgiveness for your father is amazing and you should be proud of yourself!
I’m so sorry for the pain and abuse you suffered Ana. You are a very strong woman and this is a very generous and heartfelt letter to your Father. I understand it would not have been easy to forgive him and not put blame onto him for the pain your suffered. I hope you are reunited with him again one day.
Oh Ana, I am so sorry to learn that these things have happened to you. I am amazed that you are able to still care so much for your Father after everything that has happened. I hope that one day you are both able to enjoy each other’s company again.
This made me tear up. I find it very mature of you, at age 10 (younger and even now as adult), to realize it was the woman he chose to be in his life that was the reason for your separation from him. Even after everything you’ve gone through, it’s uplifting to hear you still care for him. I’m not sure I’d feel the same way, so I applaud you for that.
Such a touching letter to your father and so sad that you had to experience that. I’ve never been abused and I can’t imagine what you went through but it made you the amazing woman you are today to share your stories.
Wao! This is a heartbreaking personal story. I don’t know you but I feel like hugging you to help heal that little girl from the past. All little girls are princesses and should be treated with reverence. It makes me sad and angry to read about your past abused. I applaud you for your bravery and strength. These words say so much more about you. It talks about your resilience to overcome obstacles. Keep on growing. Stay kind and beautiful. Heal. And find a way to always fall in love with every new day and life. Hugs. Thank you for being inspirational. Keep on going Wonder Woman. We are our own superhero in life.
https://withlovewen.com
This is such a powerful letter. I admire your bravery in writing this and sharing it with the world, inspiring others to hopefully speak out as well
So sorry for the pain and heartache you had to endure. No one should have to deal with that. Stay strong and keep moving forward!
oh you amazing, brave girl. I am writing this in tears because I too have been through childhood abuse (physical, mental and sexual) and although my Parent’s are still in my life and we have worked hard to mend some of the damage, abuse truly is a scar that never heals. I am so so sorry you have gone through this, as a fellow survivor my heart aches for you but sharing your pain is beyond brave, your an inspiration and I am very proud of you.
charlotte xx
Oh Ana .. I’m so, so, sorry. In my life, there have been so many times the world has seemed dark. Where I’ve wished for circumstances to be different than what they were. Where I’ve wished the people I loved would love me in return, in a way that I could feel. What I’ve learned is that the only thing I can do is keep moving forward, and to keep planting seeds along the way. Those little seeds aren’t ours to make grow .. but you just never know. One day ..
I often say that some dads don’t realize how important they are. Hopefully you find peace.
I really hope your father reads this letter. It is filled with so much honesty, love and pain. I’m so sorry you had to endure the abuse from your stepmom. It doesn’t seem she faced any consequences for what she did to you. I can only hope in time you dad will come back to you.
I have a Father but i am not with him. So treasure your father as long as their with you before you regret it.
I’m sorry to hear you’ve been through so many.. you are a real inspiration for me.
As a matter of fact, yes, I have dealt with bullying — abuse and trauma, sort of. What you’ve been through is definitely worse though and the fact that you are expressing your thoughts about it, to us, to your readers, inspires me to get over my own trauma.. thank you x I truly believe in your Ana
This is heartbreaking Ana. You have such a beautiful soul and you are such a strong person. She sounds like an absolute evil woman. It always shocks me that there are people out there that can do that to children. With your dad, sometimes when it comes to the people you love you can be blinded by their actions and the extent of what one loved one is doing to another. The fact that he didn’t act is awful though, but I’m sure he has his reasons. You have gone through such a tough time and I just want to give you a hug. I hope you know just how much your strength and your posts are helping other people. xx
I’m so sorry for what had happened to you but look at you now. You look very beautiful and you seem like a strong woman. Being able to forgive your dad and avoid any grudge towards him is just amazing.. God bless you always
This is absolutely heartbreaking to read, I can’t believe how much you have gone through, and how brave you are to talk about it x
Im so sorry you had to go through this. I hope your father reads this letter. Very emotional and inspirational. Thanks for sharing.
What a deep letter. I am sorry to hear about your abuse. Good to know you are in a much better place now.
Ana it was so heartbreaking reading this, and its great that you have the courage to write it. You are such an amazing strong women and hopefully one day your Father will realise xx
What a wonderful and strong letter. You are so brave putting it all out there how you felt and feel now.
my heart broke into a million pieces while reading this! they say women go through abuse every single day and no one recognises the abuse men go through! You’re such a strong person! I am in awe!
It was difficult to read this post without that huge lump in my throat. I am sorry you had to go through so much pain at such a young age. You are so strong to have pulled through, and look at you now. Despite all the pain, the physical and emotional abuse, you emerged victorious. I know your father loves you too, and I pray that you would be as before, he your hero, and you his princess. Hugs, Ana!
I can’t even begin to tell you how much this resonates with me in many ways. The one that sticks out the most is how a stepmum can hurt her step kid. Being a step mum has been one of the most wonderful experiences in my life thus far and I love my kids as if they were my own flesh and blood, after all, they belong to the man that I am love more than anything in the world. The bond one can have with their step kids can completely remove the step part of it and just be a mother-daughter/mother-son bond and it’s so heartbreaking for me to know that wasn’t what was given to you. I want to give the little Ana you carry inside a huge hug, but in lieu of that I send you so much love. Know that you have a heart of gold! xx
This was so beautifully written it really pulled at my heart strings! You are such a brave and strong woman. You’ve probably needed strength most of your growing life just to get through to the next day. I promise you one thing though.. One day you will look back and thank all the hardship and pain you felt because it will mould you into the woman you are supposed to be.
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This was difficult to read. Abuse has has been part of my life. My dad used to abuse my mum. My mum took my sister and I away from my dad at age 4. We were allowed to see him again after supervised visits to go and stay with him once every 2 weeks. He was never nice to me as a child. He would call me names and would time to time physically hurt me – but not a normal tap on the hand. He would drag me by my hair or twist my arm for example. I don’t talk about that to anyone… I’m sorry that you went through this. But also thank you for sharing. Hopefully one day I will be able to talk about my past too
Ana, you show strength from speaking of your experiences. I’m so sorry you were exposed to that pain, and at such a young age as well. However, I’m thankful you found your happiness. Hopefully, true love will win in the end. <3
Oh this makes me so sad! You are such a strong woman <3
I hope that he reaches out someday, even if it’s not to ask for forgiveness but to try to spend time with you more often. I feel bad that he’s missing out on all of your achievements and your life in general. You are such a loving person, Ana.
What a beautiful letter to your dad, Ana. I always feel so sad when I read the stories of your childhood, but it’s great to read that you still love your dad, despite everything that’s happened. He should be very proud of you.
Louise x
Such a heartfelt message. I am sorry to hear that you had so much pain, but your message took a lot of bravery and I think it’s great!
A really powerful post Ana, I would like to say I hope you mend this relationship but I know you say that is unlikely. So what I will say is I hope you continue to grow stronger. I cannot imagine what you have been through and as a mother myself I cannot fathom how people can treat children that way. I am just glad you have the type of character who can make it through. Much love to you x
I have never faced abuse at the hands of a parent or a relative but I work with an organization that supports children from vulnerable backgrounds. I know that feeling when you are choked up remembering all the painful memories. I have heard traumatic stories of such young children over and over again and I pray that they learn to overcome the pain. You are really brave and I can’t say it enough number of times.
Very emotional letter, but thank you for sharing. It was interesting getting an insight into your childhood.
xx
While it is very sad to read your life story in the hands of a cruel step mother, I am happy to know that you are now thriving and being happy with your life because you know what, you deserve to be happy. Let no one take that away from you.
I have been in and out of depression. It’s nasty. It’s unkind and most importantly, it’s scary. But, I learned to train myself to be strong and learn to filter things (and even people) out that causes my anxiety and sadness. I’ve never been happier in my life in doing so.
The best comeback you can ever make is to treat yourself nicely. Love yourself. You deserve it! Keep the faith!
Aww Ana, this is so sad. To me it sounds like your dad is also being mentally abuse by this evil women
This is such an emotional and powerful letter, Ana. You are so strong, stronger than you know
I’m so sorry you had to experience that growing up. I can’t even begin to know how that feels. My husband was adopted and abandoned by his birth parents in his forties it still affects him.
You really had a very emotional and difficult upbringing. Your letter was very intense and heartfelt.
I am so sorry that you endured so much abuse, and that too from your “parents.” I can’t imagine growing up like that. I am a survivor of childhood abuse too, but not by my parents. My heart ached as I read it. But I am glad that you are in a better position and that you are able to articulate it in a letter. May God grant you the perfect healing to stand strong and may you find loved ones who will fill in the gaps of love that should have been given by your father….Amen.
I always read your blog in awe as I think you are amazingly brave to share all the horrible things that have happened to you and I hope that soon you will get the happiness that you deserve. Thank you for your sweet and kind comment xx
That is a beautiful letter. Wow, it seems like you have been through so much but you are doing amazing.
I had a tumultuous relationship with my biological father. He was a weak-willed selfish man. I stopped seeing him around 13 years old and gave him a second chance and he screwed that up. I saw him occasionally, the last time being 2001 before I moved countries. I was told he was dying 4 weeks before he passed away, when he could no longer speak due to lung cancer. After some soul searching I chose not to go to his deathbed. We stopped being father and daughter a long time ago. I know that my fathers abandonment has caused me issues with trust and I have difficulty letting people close to me. I wish you luck with your relationship with your father.
I am truly sorry to hear about all that transpired between you and your father and think you made the right decision r.e. deathbed. After all like you said, you stopped being father and daughter a long time ago, but nevertheless I know it must have pained you. I too have issues with trust and men because of abandonment and abuse issues and I wish us the best of luck in finding people who we can truly confide in. Thank you for your open and honest comment x
Thank you so much for sharing such a heartfelt story about your dad. It’s really beautifully written, Ana!
Anna || A Lily Love Affair
Oh darling. I am so proud of you for writing this letter, not just for your father but forbyou too. I know how hard this must of been to write. I do pray your father does get to read this.
Your post brought tears to my eyes. I am so happy to know that you are so strong after all that had happen.
Thanks for sharing.
XOXO //SINCERELY OPHELIA | NYC Petite Fashion Blogger
Oh my heart. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. No one should not have the love and support of their father.
Ana-first, let me say I love the dress you’re modeling. It is gorgeous-almost as much as you!
Second, this letter…it is so beautiful and touching. As much so as any of your posts…you are a great writer and you have such a big heart. Your capacity for forgiveness and grace amazes me. I am older than you, but you are a role model to me. I don’t know how you have forgiven this woman who was unreasonably cruel to you when you were only an innocent child; I am even more amazed by the fact that, though your father chose her over you and did not protect you when that was his job, you have not only forgiven him, but openly love him with your whole heart. You are a beautiful soul. I wish you only happiness for the rest of your life.
Thank you Elizabeth,
coming from someone who has been through as much as you have and still continue to do, it means a lot to me to say that you see me as a role model and I know the same can be said about you. You are very open and fortright about your struggles and it is truly gratifying to hear that you are a fan of my work. At the end of the day, the way I look at it is that my father is too being abused and manipulated by her, so surely I can’t not forgive someone who is in pain himself. He is a good person at the end of the day and just fell in love with the wrong person. I just know that in my case I would never choose anyone over my child and would never allow abuse to happen x
Ana, I have to tell you that my heart is breaking right here just reading all of this. First, I know where you are coming from in more ways than I want to admit. As for my father, I did experience abuse at the hands of him. I can understand the stress and strain but that doesn’t excuse what he did or allow him to get away with those things. I know that we are in a better place now but it took a heck of a long time. And as for your . . . I can’t even call her Stepmom because the name still has mom in it and she in no way deserves that title. The very thought of her doing this makes me ill. I have read books about this kind of abuse and it’s Scary. If you haven’t read A Child Called It, I’m not sure you should. It might trigger some awful memories.
But it sounds like this person is suffering from a personality disorder. This isn’t to excuse her behavior towards you or anyone else. It does not. But what I think it might do for you is give you understanding into what’s going on. There are several books on the subject. I might give one to your dad. If only so he can recognize some of these things as they are happening to him. I remember reading a book on it myself and realizing that I was in a relationship with a person who had a personality disorder. It didn’t make things right. But it did give me understanding, and ultimately the courage not to live in an unhealthy situation like that.
🙁 I am so sorry to hear that you were abused by your father, no child should ever have to go through that and it saddens me that a father would hurt his own son. The fact – from what I can infer- that you two are still talking is incredibly brave on your behalf and I can imagine it must have been hard for you to forge a connection with your abuser. I have read a child called it, my foster mum always read these true life stories and I would ask to borrow them. Such a sad read but beautifully written.
I always believed that E had a personality disorder or some form of mental imbalance too although mental health issues is never an excuse for violence or abuse. But finding something for my dad to read might open his eyes to what really happened. I think deep down he knows exactly what transpired but was always too scared to face his demons. Thank you for your thoughtful comment.
Your posts always make me well up in emotion!! Ana this is truly heartbreaking and I’m so so sorry you went through what you did. I can’t help but feel angry and sad about it, but you’re such a brave person and to write such a lovely letter to your dad, that says more about you and your character than you’ll ever know!
You’re a very strong young woman, Ana. This letter brought tears in my eyes.
I hope that your evil nasty step mum got charged for the abuse she gave you. From the sounds of it, she did not. No child deserves this and it is horrible you had to go through such things. Remember that we are all predestined for things and this past has led you to where you are today, which is quite different than where you would have been had you stayed in that home.
Unfortunately they are still together, the only thing that she got was 5 years community service and a criminal record which had made it difficult for her to get work after. But she didn’t go to prison, sent to court or anything. If this had have happened now she would most definitely be jailed for a good few years. Thank you for your sweet comment it means a lot . I too believe in pre-destiny and believe that all things happen for a reason x
You have been through so much in your life and I will admit I cried as I read this. Your step mum sounds like an awful person and it seems appropriate that you compared yourself with Cinderella as it appears that is who she made you. I hope your dad gets to read this sometime soon.
How very moving, and very touching. Sorry that you’ve had to feel such pain and sorrow.
Oh wow, your story is such an inspiration. Although I have never been abused, my dad left us too. My mom raised us by herself and gave us a good life and loved us to the moon that we did not feel the need for a father. That’s why we greet and honor our mother on father’s day as well. ^-^
It takes incredible strength and courage to write a heartfelt letter like the one you’ve written! I wish that your father (and step-mother) can see that you defied the odds by rising above past adversities. I can easily relate to your story since I was emotionally (and sometimes physically) abused as a young girl.
My goodness 🙁 that is awful to hear, so sorry that you too were abused that breaks my heart. If you ever need to talk you know where to find me hun. Thank you so much for your sweet comment, I don’t feel courageous but I do feel stronger through overcoming adversity x
Once again your honesty and openness are so refreshing. It sounds like you had a really tough childhood. On the brighter side it looks like you emerged as a strong, beautiful young lady. After overcoming all that, nothing can stop you in whatever you put your mind to
I’m so sorry that this is a reality that you had to endure and live with now today. Despite those atrocious circumstances, I feel as though you are a picture of hope for those who find themselves in similar situations. Thank you so much for sharing your story!
YOu are very brave to open yourself up like this for everyone to see. I hope you are able to reconcile with your father.
These are very painful and difficult memories to hold unto. My prayer for you is that you continue to heal deep in the center of your being. We are kindred spirits/sisters in some ways.
I admire your willingness to share this story and I wish you much love on this coming Father’s Day!
This has made me teary-eyed. I don’t have a dad (I have a biological dad, of course, but he didn’t really man up for us).
Oh Ana, I had no idea that you had such a tragic upbringing – when we met at House Festival last year, you were so upbeat and fun and friendly! I didn’t know that there was such a sad story behind you 🙁 as you know, I’ve recently been confronting some abuse demons myself, and found that writing my post about the abuse I received from my then-boyfriend very therapeutic. I hope writing this letter to your dad has been as catarthic 🙂 sending you lots of love and hugs, Becca xxx
Ah yes House Festival that was a lot of fun, it was so nice meeting you. I have this saying where ‘those who appear the happiest or usually the ones that are hurting inside’ and its true to an extent. I am ‘bubbly’ because I like to try and be positive about life but I have been through a lot of things like yourself that is never easy to talk about. I am real sorry about everything you have been through and you are so lovely. To think that anyone could treat you like that is disgusting. You don’t deserve that. Sending you love and hugs in return x
How was this woman not prosecuted?! How on earth can a father put a new partner first? I see from your letter how much you love him and I am so sorry that he has let you down so cruelly.
I have tears in my eyes reading your letter. I’m sorry you went through so much pain at such a young age. I don’t speak to either of my parents so I can understand feeling that kind of loss. Maybe I’ll write my own letter to him this year. xox
Michelle | She’s Not So Basic
Thank you so much for sharing. It took a lot of courage to share so vulnerably with everyone. It’s good to remember that you can always make it out of any situation.
This letter is so full of emotion. Letting go can be very hard. I have plenty of issues with my father.
You are so deserving to be happy, Ana. It is heartbreaking to know about what you went through. No child should be treated that way. Nevertheless, you pulled through. You showed how you still cared for your father, after all these years. If hear someone who thinks they are in the worst situation in their life, I will tell them, “Go read Ana De Jesus’ blog, Faded Spring. Now tell me you can’t get out of that rut you are in.” Thanks for being such an epitome of strength.
I am so sorry to hear that you went through this. As a mother, it’s really hard to understand how anyone could do that to a child.
this is such a heartbreaking post Ana… I’m sorry to hear about this but you know what, a priest once told me that everything happens for a reason .. some times life seems so unfair and unjust but I guess these obstacles made us a lot stronger!
thanks for sharing us your story and I really admire your genuine heart for still loving your father despite of all the things you experienced.
What an emotional letter. You’re such a strong person to come through all that. So glad to hear you’re in a happy place now. I’m glad you’re still able to have some contact with your dad even if you don’t see him
such a difficult post to read and no doubt to write. Sending you love xx
Ana, this must have taken so much courage to write this powerful moving post! All your struggles has moulded you to become the strong woman you are today. Keep it up x
Parents are supposed to protect their children and I’m so sorry to hear that this wasn’t the case. You are an incredibly strong person to speak openly about your past and I admin the courage it took. I hope that you can have a relationship with your dad as having mine pass away two years ago I really miss him in my life x
This brought several tears to my eyes Ana – what a heartfelt and emotional letter. It’s very noble of you to say that you’re not primarily upset by the abuse but because you miss him. Stay strong darl xx
Lots of love,
Marina Rosie xx
I am glad to know that you are happy after all you’ve been through. Life can get tough and in your case it was with you family life. Keep strong and know that you are a beautiful person inside out and you serve as an inspiration to a lot of people.
Its so important to be thankful for what we have in life, and one of those is having loving dads!
Such a powerful post. I know a lot of children are struggling with similar issues so it is nice to see how successful you have become. So glad you are doing okay!
Beautiful letter to your dad. Sorry for the bad situation with your step mother. Think about now and only live to what is ahead.
Idupe mula mebekel karma
Jele melah mula utang penadian
De bes sebet yening irage sengsara
de bes kendel yening hidupe bahagia
jele melah mula medampingan .
Hilang Jele nemu bahagia .
I remember this Balinese song , which is the meaning is
Our life is all about our Karma in the past life . We born and bring our Karma from the past life .
Good and bad that we face it now is just the result what we have done in the past .
Don’t be so sad if our life is so difficult and distress .
And don’t be so happy if we are in happiness
Time will pass , good and bad will always be together in life .
I like to read your article . You had all the pain and distress done and your happiness is coming . No one will take it from you .
I’m sorry with my poor English
Thank you Made that was beautifully put and I too believe in karma. A perfect example is a good woman like my aunty who has suffered a great deal in her life. Yet despite having cancer, being abused and being a single mum, she is the most inspiring person I know and I have every confidence that is happiness is coming for her like it is coming for me. Thank you once again, your comment truly touched my heart. I hope you are well x
I am so sorry that your dad let you down like this. I hope that one day you will get to see him again and rekindle your relationship
Bless your heart, you have a beautiful soul. Parents sometimes don’t realized the consequences or the impact their actions have on their children. Thank you so much for sharing this and pouring out your feelings. You are a strong woman, never forget that!
As always honey, such an emotional and powerful read. My heart breaks for you and I don’t really know what to say. I can’t even imagine how much it must hurt. I hope that one day your father realises what a mistake he made not to fight for you and comes asking for forgiveness. Giving you a big hug now Xx
Your story is so moving and you are a strong woman. I can’t imagine how you have endured all these years with abuse. I’m so sorry that happened to you. and I hope you are happy now, and I hope your dad reads this letter.
Um texto lindíssimo por uma miúda lindíssima por dentro e por fora! Tens o poder dentro de ti para seres o que quiseres. Parabéns pela maravilhosa alma e coração que tens. Eu não falo com o meu Pai e é melhor assim. Histórias da vida. Um grande beijinho
Sinto muito por ter ouvido sobre seu pai, mas agradeço o seu lindo comentário que realmente me tocou no meu coração. Eu acho que você tem um blog incrível, não tinha idéia de que você fosse português. Espero que você esteja bem
This is so heartfelt and beautifully written. I am so sorry for the loss and pain you have suffered. It is amazing what we endure and overcome. I have a 23 year old myself and he such a light in my life. I am so thankful that I get to be his mom. I too was once married to someone who had the potential to be abusive to us both. I am so thankful we got out. I do not speak of it much. You are so brave and wise. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
My daughter saw your picture and thinks you are SO beautiful.
Oh lovely. I’m so sorry. It’s made me so sad to read this. You are such a strong woman. xxxxx
I hope your father comes to his senses. He is missing out on having s relationship with his amazing daughter.
yes, i’ve been through psycologicall abuse from my father. I dont miss him or want to see him again, because he hurt my mother so much, that he just dont realize how bad he was. Is a life changing reallity when you left the place that was the center of the abuse. You turn out to be a great woman and so gorgeous by the way. Life is just like that, about moving forward. Keep the great work, You are amazing.
No child should ever have to live this way. I admire the strength you had as a ten year old to come out and tell the truth. I hope you know how strong you are!
I’m sorry to hear of the sadness in your relationship with your father. I’m estranged from my father and haven’t spoken to him in more than 6 years. Father daughter relationships are either special and treasured or like ours distanced and painful.
A beautify, moving and honest post where the emotion just shines through. I hope that you and your father can reconcile and have the father/daughter relationship one day.
I am so very moved from having read through your letter. It is hard to imagine what you must have gone through. I admire your courage and your ability to face and share such personal tragedy. However from reading the balanced perspective that you have presented in your recalling of past events, it is clear to me that you are in a very stable and mature place to address this the way you have. I sincerely hope that he is able to read this and that one day, he will be able to overcome his current situation to properly reach out to you and rekindle your relationship. He should be rightly proud of how his daughter has grown.
Firstly I’m sorry to hear that. The letters quite deep with emotion are lacking now a days . Salute your Spirit You Are such a wonderful woman
What a wonderful letter you had for your father. I know it is not easy for what you have gone through and I love how you deal with it. It takes a brave girl to be able to surpass all of that and I am glad you grew up with such mindset. Hugs and kisses to you and thank you for sharing your story.
This is so – much. So much pain , release and healing all in one letter. I don’t know you but I am proud of you for making it through the struggles you face, finding the peace you need and becoming a woman who could write a letter to her Dad to sum it all up. xoxoxo
Ana, you feel like family to me now. I hope you know that. I so incredibly feel your pain. I know we both have been through care and you know what… it has made us stronger. I hope that one day we can meet in person because I just feel so connected to you. This letter shows how big a person you are to be able to open up and still love. Forgiving is the hardest act sometimes, and you did it! XO
~ Via Bella
http://viabella-thebeautifullife.blogspot.com/
Such a traumatic event having her move into your life. A real life Cinderella story but the beatings are unimaginable. I can’t believe your dad would not intervene. Good for you for writing this. I know it will help others going through tough family events.
What a heart wrenching post. Everything laid bare but you forgive him as you understand the man he was before she came into your life and now he too had been manipulated. It is such a shame he couldn’t be there for you in your time of need x
A very impressive letter. It is also very strong of you to still love your father.
What a moving letter. I hope it helps to get all your feelings down on paper.
Your ability to still love your father is uncommon.
Continue being strong. Your love has conquered hate.
Im sorry you were abused by such a wretched person and the one meant to protect you didn’t. One day he will realize the mistakes he made and the daughter he missed out on.
I am speechless.. I could feel you with every word I read through. Stay blessed ana, you are truly amazing.
This was so heartbreaking to read. I’m so sorry you had to go through all that, and I really hope your Dad reads this letter. I think he would be proud to hear how strong you are x
oh I am so sorry and feel so sad reading this. You are a wonderful woman with such a huge heart. You are an inspiration. Kaz x
That is a really heart felt letter dear. I feel so sad that you had to go through that. You are so brave & positive.
I feel this post down deep in my bones. So close to home. We can work through things and carry on with life…but the hurt remains. The scar that blemishes our being.
Sending so so much love to you. I cannot begin to imagine what you must have been through, but am in awe of your ability to forgive. You are an incredible lady, never ever forget that. #PostsFromTheHeart
Very powerful writing. I am so sorry for everything you have been through. My dad is my world and it breaks my heart your’s wasnt there for you when you needed him.#PostsFromTheHeart
You’ve clearly grown into a strong woman without bitterness despite your ordeal. You should be proud of the person you are and I’m sure your dad is too. X
#postsfromtheheart
Such a beautiful, heartbreaking post. Thank you for sharing it with us.
#PostsFromTheHeart
What a sad story you have to tell, I do hope you are getting help with dealing with your past. You sound very grounded and settled now and I can understand why you still love your Dad. It’s a shame he can’t give you what you want. My heart goes out to you xx
#postsfromtheheart
I’m so sorry you had to go through this. I hope writing this heals you in some way. Sending love x #postsfromtheheart
Thank you so much that really means a lot to me that you have left such a lovely comment and found my blog. It was hard to write but cathartic too, I hope you are having a good day x x
Reading this just breaks my heart. I pray that you will see your father again some day and that he will realise what he has missed out on. #PostsFromThe Heart
It is shocking that someone can be so manipulated by another as to disregard their parental duty to protect their child. Your story is so very sad and the detail clearly engrained in your memory as you write as if it was only yesterday. I admire your continued adoration of your father and cannot begin to imagine how hard it must be for you not to see him. Undoubtedly the experience has shaped who you have become. You are clearly a survivor and have gone on to be successful. I really hope that you can continue to grow from here and that one day your father will have the courage to see you and hold you. #PostsFromTheHeart
Oh Ana, my heart just broke into a thousand pieces for you. You’ve been through so much. And you’re such a beautiful soul to write this letter of love to your Father. I only hope that he has your strength and is able to leave this abusive and toxic woman soon. Hugs Lucy xxxx #PostsFromTheHeart
This is really heartbroken. i hope you are doing great now #PostsFromThe Heart
I’m so sorry that you had to go through this in your life.
In my life, I have personally seen someone that our family trusted. He did mistreat one of my family members. But, from a glance, he looks like the guy that no one would ever believe could do any wrong. However, over the years people have learned really how he is. It was very hard and I could see the lasting impact it had on other peoples lives for years. I think the emotional manipulation is worse than physically hurting someone. Scars do heal over time, but emotional scars take a lot longer to heal.
It must feel good to have some closure on the unfortunate relationship with your father’s wife though? Maybe, one day he will see the real problem it has become. Sometimes people need to hear other sides of stories before they change.
I always say the world has its weird way of working it’s way out.
I am sorry that you have gone through this!!! Letters that are quite deep with emotion are lacking now days so your letter to your father is so powerful . I Salute your Spirit You Are such a wonderful woman, bless you always.
It was such a great and heartfelt letter to your father. Really outstanding. It must have taken so much courage and time to write this.
Ooh dear, Hope you are fine now. Everyone has some ups and down and now it has been 2 years, I hope you are doing great pretty girl.
Absolutely touched with emotions. I am speechless right now after reading this letter. #PostsFromThe Heart
Navy is your color, girl!