Learning to express gratitude when you are surrounded by your own s**t is easier said than done and sometimes I want to pull the covers over my head and pretend that the world doesn’t exist. The voices in my head spread poisonous thoughts into my subconscious and convince me that my misfortune is all my fault. Sometimes I believe them, convinced that I am a failure and that everything I try to do right always goes tits up. It’s hard to break out of the negative thought cycle and most days I am wading through a pile of my own issues, struggling to come up for air. But then I think to myself, no matter how bad things are (which believe me it is at an all-time low) remember to always express gratitude because somewhere out there, there is always someone who is worse off. So pack up the pity party and stop feeling sorry for yourself because you might have hit rock bottom but you always manage to find a way out. You have been abused, bullied, mistreated, been without food and water, on the verge of homelessness but despite all that you have survived and that is all because of expressing gratitude. I am truly grateful that I am able to speak freely without being carted off to jail like Miss Turkey who wrote a controversial poem about the president and I am truly grateful that no matter how little funds I have I know that I will still have enough money to live. I am struggling granted but I have realized that wanting to hide and pretending my problems don’t exist has a dangerous impact on my state of mind. So instead of running the other way I will confront my problems head on; I will let the tears dry and remember to breathe, what’s the point of panicking when that time can be used to solve my problems?
I have no idea how I am going to solve so many issues in a matter of weeks but I have done it once and I know I can do it again. Sometimes you realize that you are on your own and instead of resenting people for not offering to help me or seeming indifferent to my tears I should use it to kick my ass into action. I am grateful that the negative life experiences have made me a stronger person and while I am overly emotional and sensitive, never mistake my tears for weakness because tears are my way of coping. I used to hide my tears afraid of what people might think but now I am grateful that my body allows me to cry because no matter how s**tty it makes me feel I know that my emotional state is what makes me a good author. Remember that I might not condone the ‘positive thinking’ mantra because to me it is a farce but what I do believe in is being grateful for the things I do have in life and trying not to focus on what I do not have. At the same time I am a realist and I know that if these issues are not solved I wont be able to live like I have been living. It might seem cryptic but I am not ready to talk about it, at least not yet. I know I don’t have a lot but at the same time I know I have the support of my readers and even if I go beyond the point of rock bottom just knowing that my readers love me and my words is more than enough support to get me through each day.
So no matter how bad things are always find something to be grateful about everyday, even if it is trivial because it will help you live through the chaos. A friend of mine and a few bloggers I know keep what they call ‘Gratitude Journals’ and at first I scoffed thinking it was a load of marketing crap but the more I read into the mantra the more my opinion changed. Soon I wanted a journal for myself and everyday I don’t list all the bad things that have happened but talk about what makes me happy and relive my own personal fantasy. Now I am not going to lie to you and say that it is a permanent fix because it’s not and I admit that I am truly unhappy. However it does allow me to put things into perspective and allows me to focus on my breathing and retain a calmer state of mind. So I express gratitude that my mind allows me to communicate via the medium of a pen (or keyboard) how I feel and know that the only person can judge me is myself. I might judge myself harshly but I am grateful that I am able to critique and perfect my portfolio of life, skills and more.
How Do You Express Gratitude?