Ever since I can remember, I feared being alone. I hated the way the kids in class would point their fingers and laugh. I hated to see the look of pity on adults faces, as though my inability to make friends was all my fault. But most of all I despised how being alone made me feel… worthless, unwanted and alienated. When I was left until last to be paired with someone during P.E I wanted to disappear and when they asked us to get into pairs I could feel my heart in my mouth. I didn’t want anyone to know that I was a ‘loser’, that the only reason that people didn’t want to get to know me was because of how different I was to the rest. I was buck toothed, wore no make up and had frizzy hair and next to the groomed ‘popular girls’ I looked a ‘raggedy mess’, at least that is what they used to say to me. My aunty would tell me to pay them no mind, telling me that they were just ‘jealous’ but what would they have to be jealous of? I was crippled with anxiety, was suffering from depression and had confidence issues, I could see no viable reason as to why this would be a ’cause for jealousy’. But then I realized something, when the bullies told me they ‘picked on me’ because I was a ‘pushover’ and ‘weird’ it was because they were insecure about themselves. They were hurting inside and wanted to make me feel as bad as they did on a daily basis.
But I was hurting inside too, coming to secondary school I thought the days were I was being abused were over but I was wrong. I was manipulated, called names, ignored, had work destroyed and was made to feel alone on a daily basis. I cringed when I was surrounded by the people who were meant to be my friends, who thought it was okay to spread rumors about me and knew I would let them ‘talk me down’ because I had noone else to turn to. There were times when my so ‘called friendship’ group would leave me out in the cold and decide they didn’t want to talk to me because I made one simple mistake. I forgave them for their transgressions but whenever I slipped up they would ignore me and leave me to eat lunch on my own and I was forced to see my peers look at me with pity and disgust. Of course I am not entirely blameless, I lied about a lot of things to get their attention but that was only because I knew it was the only way that would ‘ensure I wasn’t alone’, even if I was alone inside. Having someone be friends with you just because they pity you is a horrible feeling but I was willing to sacrifice my dignity if it meant that I could keep up the pretense of having a ‘friendship’.
I longed for lessons where the teachers would put us into groups or pairs but when it came to P.E I was almost always picked last. H + C would make a pact to take turns in going with me but of course that never happened and I would feel humiliated when it looked like I had noone to ‘go with’. So I began skipping classes, shoplifting and rebelling against my foster mum, all because I was hurting inside and I didn’t want to show the world how alone I really was. I was embarrassed that me, a 14 year old girl couldn’t make real friends and did everything in my power to pretend the bullying wasn’t happening. It is quite telling when I look back; out of everyone who was meant to be my friend, there are only three from secondary school that I actually talk to and that’s because they were the only ones who actually genuinely cared. But I digress, it took me so long to admit that those people were not my real friends that being alone scared the crap out of me. I had fake friends who were willing to hurt me to hide their own insecurities and made me question who I was for such a long time. Was I a girl who had few real friends and had no idea how to spot a fake friend or was I a girl who had been hurt but was stronger than people made me out to be?
It took me a long time to be okay with the notion of being alone and I believe the turning point was when I started blogging. Blogging is a solitary occupation but you are connected to your blogging brothers and sisters in more ways than you can imagine. Just through a quick click of a mouse you can make a difference and share your story with thousands of others who understand what it was like to have been alone. When I first started going to blogging events on my own I felt anxious, worried that people would point and laugh at me like they did at school. That very rarely happened and when it did I held my head up high and embraced my ‘alone state’ because I knew that it was finally okay to be alone if I was the one to call the shots. When I sat in cafes on my own or went shopping on my own I was paranoid that the bullies were back, whispering in the shadows like they had done so many times before. I used to think that people who looked at me a ‘little funny’ were talking about me but I realize now that was my own paranoia talking. The day that I felt comfortable sitting down for food or even something as small as a coffee by myself felt liberating and I have done it many times since.
I used to think that people who were sitting on their own were lonely and not doing it out of choice but I was wrong. Being able to take some time away from your friends and family is meditative and nurturing. While I crave daily social interaction I also now ‘enjoy’ my own company because I have learned to be okay with who I am. I am never going to be the most popular girl and nor do I want to be. I have been inside the ‘secret circle’ before and let me tell you it’s all a sham. The sheep mindlessly flock to their leader but by tomorrow that popular girl will be dethroned and she will go back to being seen as a nobody. That is not true friendship and while I might have less friends than I used to the ones I do have are kind, loyal and always there for me. We have shared each others pain and nursed each other to health. Through thick and thin we have been a beacon of hope and made sure that our friends knew that we would be there until the very end. So regardless of what society might think, regardless of how your past has conditioned you to feel, being alone is not degrading, ‘loserish’ or an ‘indication of being lonely’. Instead being alone- but striking a balance between the two- can help you feel liberated, independent and stronger than ever. It took me 23 years to be confident enough to go to places on my own but better late than never…
Why Do You Think It Is Okay To Be Alone
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i always take time with my self and i think its something we need to relax and gather power. And also i love to sit alone and be lonely sometimes its because i cant find one match me so myself is the only one match me lol. I think you have gone through alot of rough times when you done to the secondary school
Sorry to hear about how crippling school was for you… I have to admit although I was in the same situation I lived inside my head and in my head I was in Leah Land which was never lonely.
In my 20s was worse for me and then when I was single for a while being alone used to haunt me but eventually , like you, I started to value me time. Nowadays in my relationship I tend to really cherish the time on my own and I am lucky my wife understands that need. I am glad you have come round to it too x
I think it is a wonderful thing to enjoy time alone. Pure happiness is pure contentness.
I think it’s really important to learn to love your own company! It’s really important to take time for you! xx
I much prefer my own company for 90% of the time and it certainly is ok to be alone
First of all You are Gorgeous, beautiful and You are ENOUGH Ana. I know you know that now, and I am happy for you.
My heart bleeds for the young Ana, yet see how all that has made you into the strong woman that you are today. And yes its okay to be alone sometimes! Keep shining!
Thanks for sharing your story. Your experience though it was tough and harsh at times, has shaped you into the woman you are today. I also enjoy and embrace my alone time. Sometimes you just need those moments to recharge yourself.
I know how you feel about PE at school. That always used to happen to me. The teacher would get people to pick a team and no one would want me on theres and i would get chosen last. In the end the teacher would tell me where to go cause i would just stand around doing nothing. Thinking back now i wished i had just walked out of PE because what was the point if no one wanted you on their team. It’s awful, can never understand why teachers do that
I totally understand this. It’s something I had to learn for myself and I’m so glad I did. Sometimes it can be lonely but also empowering at the same time. This is something I’m trying to teach my daughter than she can play on her own or find fun things to do without having to be with others..although balance is important.
I love this post, Ana. I crave for real friends. I have a small circle of friends but they are too far away from me. At times when I need to talk, I wake up an hour or two earlier than everyone else and I just sit and think. Sometimes I talk to myself, mostly reaffirming statements that I am great in some way. I was never a popular girl in school. I was more focused on my books than on boys, but there were days when I asked myself, am I that ugly that no one is interested in me? Everything is behind me now. I am a happy, content woman, with a loving husband and three kids. I remember a meme I saw years ago. It said, “Do not be jealous of the most beautiful and sexiest girl in your class. Give or take 50 years, she’s going to look like an overdone baked potato. Believe me, she will. Work on your heart, not your hip.” Have a blessed day.
That was an incredibly powerful and moving piece. You must be in a very good place to be that open, honest and empowered to share your life and your feelings in that way. Many would certainly envy you for it and it is clear you have been through much pain and learning to come out the other end much stronger than ever. More power to you.
Interesting post this. I find I need to balance the two and have both time on my own and time with other people.
Being alone is better than being surrounded by people who don’t respect you or who aren’t worthy of your time. I think there’s great empowerment in being able to be content in being by yourself. Good post 🙂
Firstly that dress is gorgeous, a lot of people are scared to be alone, they fail to realize that being alone helps you grow as an individual, it teaches you a lot of things.
I’ve come to read a lot of your daily posts, and you always come across as so open, honest and intelligent. Aside from the fact that you are stunning and so well dressed, your intellect and emotional connection with readers is a skill that few have.
When I think of role models, I think of whom I would want my daughter to look up to. It certainly isn’t someone that puts superficiality at the forefront of their life.
A great post to share.
Oh, it’s totally ok to be alone. I would LOVE to find some time to be alone honestly. It’s not easy in a house full of kids, but I do what I can 🙂
I read every single words you wrote as I didn’t want to miss any detail on how you felt. You know why? My 7 years old gal also couldn’t make friends, and I was so worry that she will be alone when she grow up. How would she feel and what can I do to help her. I am going to encourage her to blog, to express and to feel better. Thank you so much for sharing your inner though. You are doing great and you definitely have many real friends here.
Don’t mind but it seems that you had a really tough and negative time at your school. Sorry about that negativity. During my school days I too feel lonely many a times but I had my sports to take my mind out of it. I always take time with my self to think about me. It gives me power to remove that negativity and really it works. I made lots of friends.
Yes blogging had made me more open.
Nice to know more about you…
I am always alone but am trying to see it as a positive rather than a negative experience.
I think not only is it ok to be alone, it’s really important that we also make peace with being alone. I think it can be tough for some people as I think some people are a lot more co-dependent than others depending on what they have been through in their lives….looking absolutely stunning as always x
Having moved around a lot. I have come to value the true friends I have so much. They really are precious and rarer than I realised when I was younger. Good for you for finding a way to be more comfortable with yourself.
I’m an only child and always thought it was “wrong” to want to be on my own. As an adult I realised I enjoyed it and actively sought out my own quiet time to both relax and as a coping mechanism for stress. Thank you for sharing your story
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This post is another example of how the painful effects of bullying shape our lives. So many aren’t as strong as you-I’m so glad you allowed those experiences to shape you into a strong woman!
I can completely relate to you, I went to an all girls school, it was picky and cliquey permanently. It was like a constant rotation of people being friends with different people because you’d done something to offend someone (which in the adult world was so trivial). I remember feeling lonely a lot and I’m glad I have a small group of very close friends as an adult rather than a huge group of good acquaintances.
It’s good to hear you’ve found people in the blogging community with open arms, I’m forever meeting people who I’ve known online for ages now and feel like they’re becoming some of the best and most encouraging people in my life.
No child should ever feel like this. Sorry the school kids were nasty. look at the beautiful woman you turned into. My oldest is in Middle school and I see the bullying first hand. Its Horrible
Beautiful lady, beautiful blog 😉 good luck!
I love reading your blog posts and I am so thrilled how you have taken a creative path as your outlet and to help other girls/women who have struggled with similar things. Whenever I make it to my first UK trip, I totally want to get together for lunch!! xoxo
Thank you so much that means a lot, I always love reading your posts and you are both a beautiful person and a talent to be reckoned with! I would absolutely love that, please do let me know when you come to the UK I would love to go for lunch! Lunching/dinner is one of my favourite things to do. Have a wonderful day xx
I remember feeling anxious about being alone when I was a child. But now, as an adult I crave space and ‘me-time’. I like sitting on my own in coffee shops now. Perhaps that’s because it’s out of choice now!
I love that you wrote a heart-felt post on this because it is important to be confident in who you are, even if you are alone. The strongest and most confident people I know are the ones that took time to be alone and really figure out who they are.
Such an honest, emotional post. I know exactly how you felt back then Ana, and how you must feel now. If only back then, spotty faced, braced-teeth and greasy hair, we knew what we now do. It’s more than okay to be alone – don’t forget that, ever xxx
Kids can be so very cruel and I’m sure your story will resonate with a lot of people, myself included. Thanks for sharing such an important issue. Love your blog x
I’m just like you. I love more to spend time alone and I’m more inspirational than I’m in some wrong crew. I’m very creative person and I rarely can find new friends like me to understand me and support me. I love your dress it’s apsolutely amazing when I was reading your post dress really disturbed me in reading but as good think because you just look amazing! I just can’t wait to read your next post!
Kind regards,
Marko
It is unfortunate that others let insecurity translate into treating others poorly. I am glad you were able to rise above. And you are right, your blogging community has your back.
When I lived alone in Boston, it was a bit of an adjustment but it was also a great time for me to be me. I love that time and allowing myself to just be in my own “me moment”…
I never really understood why so many people are so afraid to be alone in life. When I was single well I wanted to have someone to share moments with I was OK being alone. And now that I’m married I am still OK going out and doing things alone actually I enjoy my alone time sometimes .
I am so so sorry to hear about how you were bullied. Kids can be so mean! I too was very shy and awkward growing up, not having a single friend throughout junior high. I’m so glad blogging has helped you feel more at peace with doing things on your own. It’s definitely helped me get the courage to reach out to people and meet them in real life – something I thought I’d never do. And I’m loving it! Keep doing you girl – you’re doing great! 🙂
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I believe that the key in life is to accept ourselves the way we are and work within our strengths and weaknesses. It’s very OK to be lonely as long as we are happy and productive
I have been alone for three years (since my daughter was born) and I love it! I have truly taken the time to find out who I am as a person and reach my goals as a mother. Loving myself more and more each day!
When I was a single mom, a lot of people wanted to hook me up with a great brand-new has been. Are used to say to them, ” it’s better to be alone and happy then miserable and stuck with someone.”
Everyone wants people to love and care for them, they want friends and family to spend time with too. But there is nothing wrong if at times there is no one and having “me” time and enjoying your own company is equally important.
There is most definitely nothing wrong with being alone, I’ve come to terms (most of the time) with the fact I will always lead quite a solitary life.
Its funny you should write this post today as I spent my day again alone entirely alone. I am separating from my husband at the moment and I am at a crossroads in my life. I am now wondering what it is like to be single again and I guess more alone. However, when I muster the courage and dip my toe in the world again I know I won’t be scared to go it alone.
I too was a bit of a loner when younger as I arrived in another country at the age of 9 and found it very hard to make friends. It also took me until into my 30’s to feel comfortable on my own in cafes and restaurants. But I’m good with it now like you and often enjoy me time on my own x
I love this post – it took me all my adult life until I was in my late thirties to be comfortable and ok with being on my own. Kaz
I am someone whose comfortable being alone and actually celebrate it big time. This was a great post.
I’m so sorry kids were cruel to you. I am raising my daughter to be kind. If I ever hear she’s turned mean, she’s in a world of trouble. I always tried to be kind growing up–I had my moments, but then I felt awful.
Personally, I LOVE being alone. I think it’s the only child in me. I cannot be around people all the time or else I get cranky. Being alone with a good book sounds like heaven to me and I try to do it at least once a day.
Just recently made a post on affirmation saying “I am content”, Reading this post just makes that so real. And it is very true to attain happiness if we believe and follow it
I have never been afraid to be alone, in fact i am an introvert and i enjoy the company of myself. I love being with people too and be surrounded by friends and family but i need more time to be alone. Thanks for sharing this wonderful reading.
I relate to so much of this! It took me such a long time to learn to accept that it’s okay to be alone. I really enjoy my own company these days!
I used to be so afraid of doing things on my own. A trip abroad on my own fixed that though!
I must admit, I prefer to be alone most of the time. Of course, I usually have the OPTION of calling a friend or family member if I really want company. I think HAVING to be alone would be much sadder than being alone because I want to be.
I have found that the ability to feel comfortable being alone is a little bit of a superpower. It takes some practice to be at peace with yourself enough but it is so rewarding
Growing up in school, I hated to be alone. I’m an introvert, but prefer to face the world with a friend by my side. Since growing up, I’ve learned to love spending time alone. I enjoy the peace and tranquility that I have when I’m alone.
I’ve thought many of the same things. Once I got divorced, I was forced into being on my own with my son. I hated being alone, but now I embrace it.
What a touching and insightful post. I can totally relate to how blogging helps. It has helped me get out out of my shell.
Learning to be alone is so important. I struggled with it up until a few years ago.
definitely nothing wrong with being alone. So many people rush into relationships of love or friendship only to come out broken or damaged. It’s good to take things slow and let it come to us.
I love this. I will not try to kiss anyones tail end. I’ve had to come to the harsh realization that my family loves me and I have very few friends… not friends that I grew up with but friends that would do anything for me and vice versa.
I have learned it is okay to be alone in the past few years. I used to hate to go out to eat by myself. Now it is time I enjoy. That is a beautiful dress.
Before I was married I cherished my alone time. I still do but I don’t mind the company of course.
I love how your confidence just radiates through your words and your photos. Much like you, my journey wasn’t lilies and roses either. But it made me who I am today–as I am sure yours did as well. Being alone doesn’t make you lonely.
Love your statement. Always ok to be alone. 🙂 Inspiration comes and hits you when you least expect it!
XOXO //
I think it’s okay to be alone because you should do what makes you happy. I was “that” mean girl in school. I’m an entirely different person now, and it makes my heart so glad to see people who were once picked on by me thriving and being everything they already were, and more. Congratulations! 🙂
You are an amazing and lovely person. There are too many mean people in this world who should not be trusted. But I myself have come to terms with the fact that sometimes, rather than walk with a group of fake friends, I’d want to walk alone instead.
Depression is an issue that is coming up a lot in the modern society. Expectations are getting higher, and there are more demands than ever. Maybe the people of modern times are less resilient? Or maybe the stress of today’s lives just aren’t suited for the average human. I sometimes wish that I could just be a bird, or an adored puppy. Life is probably easier in their shoes.
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I’m sorry you experienced such hardships growing up! I’ve been following your story from back in your ‘how to spot fake friends’ post and it’s amazing to see how you share your struggles and still come out with your head held high, to convey a positive message. I experienced my fair share of bullying in elementary school, and as an only child, sometimes felt alone and desperate for people to like me. Through the years, however, you learn to enjoy your own company and become more independent. Thank you for sharing, Ana!
Your story is always inspirational Ana. I know what it’s like to be alone, but for very different reasons. I was made to switch schools and I was always a bit on the shy side. I ended up not having a friend in school for two years. And then I was so desperate for a friend that I would do or say anything, just to be in a friendship. Being alone is better than having those kinds of friends for sure. And it is good to be along in order to regroup now and again.
You have a lot of experience in your school days that i believe had made you very strong emotionally, and that is a great thing. Being alone can sometimes be a boon, the world’s greatest inventors have utilized their time and done it all alone and i completely agree, choose friends carefully 🙂
Well said sister. I was bullied a bit in school as well, but I was so distracted and full of energy that I could just ignored them. There was days when I would just start crying in the school, but I had a couple of friends who will always be there for me. Whit the time passing I learn that nobody can tell me what I am, only me. It’s true that I only recently had the courage to go and sit in a coffee shop by myself. I had no problem going alone to by food to go, or go shopping, but sitting for a while was a bit strange. I’m happy that I did it. It was a great experience. Now I have to work on my stupid jealousy problems :))
I know it wasn’t easy for you as a kid what I love about you its that despite what you were through as a child you didn’t let it bring you down but rather made you stronger
That’s exactly what I tell my kids – the people who are mean are hurting inside. Kids are not born mean, they develop it as a coping strategy. Some of us wouldn’t dream of saying things to hurt others, but not everyone is the same. The fear of being alone (or, should I say, not socially accepted) is a valid one, especially for kids. I guess I had the same fears as a kid and teenager – now as a 50 year old adult, being alone is my favourite thing!
I agree with what you said, they are insecure about themselves and want you to feel bad as they did. I am glad that you have a gone a long way since then. You are amazing in what you do.
Great post. I go out alone a lot. I enjoy being alone.
I was an only child and found it really lonely and now have six children so am never lonely, but sometimes I do crave some time to myself
There are times when it is better for us to be alone. I am married and have three grown up kids, and as much as I love them, I need some alone days for myself. I am happy though that they understand my needs. Usually they let me sleep in and they take care of everything in the house. Growing up, I was not very sociable because I felt I was not pretty. My best friends then were books and my dogs. My favorite hang out was the library. It was okay. Really. Nothing’s wrong with that, right?
I definitely think it’s okay to be alone, I love spending some time on my own whether it’s at home or a day out, I think it’s good to appreciate and enjoy your own company x
I think it’s healthy to be on your own at times. It’s good to take the time to get to know you are as a person x
I love spending time alone. That way I feel that I am more productive and I can finish my tasks easily.
I think I have always preferred my own company as I’m shy. It was tough at school being picked last for PE and teams. I hope my children are comfortable in their own skins and happy whether they are alone or in a group.
Going through such hardships as children can help to make us that bit stronger as an adult. I was bullied a lot at school too so can sympathise with you it is hard to cope with as a child and knocks your confidence considerably. Over the years yo get used to spending time on your own and eventually you quite enjoy doing so. I look forward to having few minutes to myself now.
Your honesty is so beautiful. I couldn’t write like this. I want to say: “you showed them. look at you now!” But I know this is not what your post is all about. I’m so annoyed that PE teachers do that “pick your partner” thing. I hope it’s stopped in schools now.
What a journey! I think you have a really healthy perspective on friendship and being in your own company 🙂
i think the key is being happy with yourself and your own company first – how is anyone else gonna appreciate you if you don’t yourself. thats how i think anyway! thats why il be floating around different cafes around london enjoying my own company :ppp
Oh my goodness, I was tearing up reading this. Apart from the foster mum, you are describing my childhood and my teenage years. It took my a very long time to realise that my “friends” weren’t true friends. It also took me a long time to be comfortable with my own company. Sending you hugs and love xx
I don’t mind being with people but I do enjoy being alone, I love it to be honest. When I was working, I would savor my lunch time, slowly eating my packed lunch while reading a book. Time is somewhat slower when I’m alone and I get to relax more, I love it.
It took me a long time to be okay being alone. Well before I met my now husband, I was a serial ‘girlfriend” I always was in a serious relationship and I didn’t know how to be alone. I finally was able to just be single for quite some time, and become happy with me and know I am okay on my own. I think that is what helped me be a good wife, is I know I am fine alone, but I want to be with him
It is ok and very important. Being comfortable with yourself and spending time alone is a healthy thing. Another fab article thanks for taking time out to write this 🙂 x
Your story is so powerful. You didn’t let anything stop you and I really hope the my boys will grow up and be the same way. Thank you for being so vulnerable with your story.
I love being alone, I live for moments when I can simply enjoy things by myself. I don’t really like interacting with people that much, it’s just something that I got used to as I got older. I think it’s not that bad to be alone. Some people would rather not, but I definitely enjoy it.
I’m from the middle of nowhere, so being young was a totally different experience for me. It’s hard to explain to people who actually had options for friends – but I digress. My husband and I always talk about how mean kids are and worry about when our son and daughter get to school. Hopefully the anti-bullying campaigns continue! But as an adult, being alone can be awesome. I like a good dinner or weekend away to refresh.
I haven’t been alone in a really long time, not sure I’d even remember what that’s like but its totally Okay to be alone. I don’t really want to be alone, but if I had to be I think I’d be okay!
The pre-teen and teenage years are some of the worst. It’s such an awkward and intense time. Everything feels much more detrimental than it is. I was also, and sometimes still am, afraid of being alone. I hated it as a kid, and now as an adult, it’s situational.
Being a wife and mother AND working a full time job, I actually love time away on my own. I love the solitude and choices that I alone make. I am happy to have a meal alone, or go away to a hotel overnight on my own.
In fact sometimes I crave it!
The the ability of kids to do such horrible things to their own friends is quite scary! I admire you for letting us read your dark days in school. It’s absolutely empowering and encouraging! Anyhow it’s true what you said it’s okay to be alone there is nothing wrong with that as long as we feel secure and content about it.
I love this post as always well written. To be honest all my life, I’ve always loved spending time with myself, I used to love being alone at times that’s may be because I had so many friends and never was alone. But now I completely get why we need to be alone at times. I feel once you start loving to your own company, it’s addictive. I always looks forward to some alone time
It IS okay to be alone! it’s that ‘ME TIME’ that keeps us level headed and at peace when the world around us is busy and hectic. feeling comfortable while alone with ones self is important… it doesn’t mean you’re not loved, it doesn’t mean that you’re anti-social or that something is wrong with you… it simply means you love yourself enough to be alone with your thoughts and to be content and in the moment. Love this post : )
our alone times and moments are truly the best parts of our lives but we don’t know, it defines us and molds us into the strong person we all become today, your has made you the stronger woman you are today Ana, keep being you and always be real. you are absolutely the best.
Very good and touching post Ana. You really have gone through a lot and you’ve survived as a winner. You’re looking gorgeous, you have an amazing blog and you even are comfortable with being alone. Those old bullies sure have plenty of things to be jealous! 🙂
I used to be the weird one too but luckily I wasn’t that badly bullied and I had some real friends too. However, I think that the first 9 grades at school are quite brutal – bully others or get bullied was how it worked (at least in my school). Fortunately, it’s all behind now.
First, that dress is stunning. I love the color and the cut. Secondly, I completely agree, there is nothing wrong with being alone. I think you get to know yourself so much better when you can stand on your own.
I often joke that I prefer being alone to anything else. Of course, this isn’t always true. It’s nice to have friends and family to share your time with, but at the same time, I really do enjoy my moments with just myself and my thoughts.
I’m so sorry for the hurt and pain in your past. Thank you for being vulnerable. I am an introvert and being alone greatly helps my creativity but I can’t imagine not having my tribe.
I really appreciate the words you say about loneliness. I think there is a great difference between being alone and being lonely. The world is full of people who keep us company but can’t make us feel less lonely. We can stay alone and not feel lonely at all.
I adore your dress! It’s perfect with your complexion.
I love the color of this dress on the girl… it was such a pretty shade that complimented her skin tone… just lovely… simply lovely!
I love love love this look and so awesome of you to share your story! Happy to hear that you are confident now and you are right– better late than never. 🙂
It’s so hard for people to be alone. So many people I know are in the wrong relationships, just because they don’t want to be alone!
I love your dress, you are stunning! I also agree with you: it’s totally fine to be alone. I actually need lots of “me-time” 😀 x
My mummy loves her own company but also craves the attention and company of friendship but, like you, she has been burnt by fake and toxic friends so it very wary of letting people in. She can take or leave people that come across as users. So sorry to hear about your school experiences 🙁
I enjoy having time to myself but it’s got to be a choice rather than an exclusion. Strong post.
There was a time when my husband and I looked as though we were going to split. My daughter has moved out, so that means that I was facing being alone. I thought about it and feared it, but then I got to thinking how I could go where I want and do what I wanted. Suddenly the prospect of being alone was not too bad.
It makes me so sad to read that you were treated this way 🙁 I know how much it stings to be teased, I experienced the same in school. I love that you are self-aware enough to recognize that it’s ok, and even good, to be alone. It makes you a stronger person and allows you to grow. Thanks for sharing your story!
I have always been fearful of doing things alone. I am sorta co-dependent on my husband because I like us to do everything together but as I am getting older things are getting easier and better. I now relish my alone time and have even started eating lunch out by myself sometimes. I think it happens when we stop caring so much about what others think and also realize that everyone is so worried about themselves that they rarely are caring about what you look like out in the world.
I love how you turned those challenges into your story and your strength! Keep inspiring girl I love it
Beautiful words (as always) Ana. For anyone who’s been bullied, we can feel the hurt with you, just like it was yesterday. It wasn’t until I was ok being alone .. that I was able to start attracting high quality people into my life. Once I figured out who I was and learned to love her .. it showed on the outside too and my life went in so many new and positive directions
Such a great lesson to learn – it has taken me many years to realize it’s okay to be alone, and I only wish I could have learnt it sooner!
This is an interesting post indeed and something a lot of us can relate too. I believe it is okay to be alone but yet you still it is also important not to be isolated either. Social media can be like a therapy for many because you can share your story and find a lot of others who share the same experiences. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and your experiences.
I love having time alone, I didn’t when I was younger but now I am older I have to have some alone time every day or I go crazy xx
I remember all too well how mean kids can be. Being outside the circle of the popular ones meant a lot of lonely days for me. Thank god for good friends who saved me from them and myself! I too like to be alone from time to time but I don’t miss those solitary days one bit!
Thank you for being so open about your story. I know how crippling that experience can be. But I agree with how powerful and rewarding it can be to be alone!
This is such an important subject. I think it’s so important to be okay in your own company. Since moving out I had the pleasure of many afternoons to myself etc. but I guess I never really had a problem with being alone especially if you give me a good book. Being alone doesn’t mean you’re lonely – I think that the important thing about it.
Lea, xx
I was just thinking about this topic the other day. I feared being alone so much that I never experienced living alone. I wish I would’ve now.
This post reminds me of my life till now. Believe me, most of the things that you have mentioned above about your life are similar to mine. It’s tough to be alone most of your life but it teaches us a lot and helps in finding our true selfs. So nice to have got to read this story of yours. Being alone is not a choice rather its a circumstance, it is okay to be alone because you won’t get hurt for sure. 🙂
I was always taught that we need to learn to love ourselves and be alone with ourselves first. If we can’t stand ourselves, how can we expect anyone else to? LOL. I think too much emphasis is put on having to have someone else these days.
It’s absolutely okay to be by yourself. But it’s also okay to say you don’t want to always be alone too.
There is definitely nothing wrong with being alone and being comfortable with ones own company. Where we have to be careful is if we are feeling alone, as that is a different kettle of fish
When I finally get out of the toxic relationship I’m in I think I’ll be thankful to be alone. Although I have the kids so it’s not quite the same.
Louise x
I enjoy going out alone and blog alone from home. Agree that it can feel deliberating at times. It’s great to have genuine people around us and it’s okay to be alone sometimes. This is such a good read.
Your dress is so lovely! I guess being alone for an enough time is very esential in our growth as mature ones, but being alone for quite a long time is something really disturbing. Enjoy alone time everyone!
I’ve definitely experienced extreme loneliness in my life. Now I try to embrace the alone time and take it as an opportunity to chill and gather my thoughts xxx
I find my self alone a lot but I’ve been trying to turn it into self reflection time.
Being alone is often looked as a negative thing. People often see this as a problem that needs to be solved. However it does not need solving, in fact, it’s not even a problem.
I’m so sorry school was such an experience for you. I really feel like genuine friendships are very hard to find & once you find them you should hold on to them. The part where you mentioned about going to blogger events alone, I felt that too in the starting but now I’m happy with blogging & very excited to go to events as I get to meet so many new people.
Being alone is something that I have gotten used to. I too would be picked last in PE etc. Although I had friends at school none were my best friends so I was often dropped to the side.
Oh you look very lovely on that dress. I think we all have that fear of being laughed at while being alone. I agree that it’s perfectly fine to be alone and independent.
When I was younger I hated being alone! I was picked on myself and just wished people would want to hang out with me. Now that I’m older though, people love to be around me. I grew up to be pretty and successful if I don’t say so myself…. so people are always trying to use me. So I love being alone these days. Alone is better than being around the wrong people
I agree, being alone is healthy. We work on teaching our kids this. We do not want them to depend on others for happiness or acceptance.
I think you should feel comfortable in your own company and then being alone will never feel scary. I’m having to get use to this once again ever since my divorce. It’s easier said than done though.
I went through being alone when I was in college and I felt really lost but then later I think I’ve regained my composure and thought being alone was okay.
When you’re younger you think you need lots of peoples approval from you, however as you get older you learn that it doesn’t matter. Nicer, but fewer friends are most important.
Being around used to scare me as well, but through the year I learned that it’s a whole lot better than being surrounded by people who are fake or don’t truly care about you. 🙂
Today there’s a whole trend about being alone and solo travel (I say that in reference to my job as a travel blogger), but I actually have always enjoyed being alone at times, since childhood. When I was a teenager, if no one wanted to attend a concert I really wanted, I’d go by myself and always had a lot of fun. I still do this today. One day I was vlogging inside a museum, the receptionist looked at me in disbelief and said “look at you! I wish I could have fun by myself like you do”. That’s what got me thinking that this is really hard for several people. Nice reading about your experience!
Your writing is so honest and beautiful . Even i feared being alone but i now i feel loneliness has its own beauty.
When I arrived to the United States I felt this isolation too, especially in school. Not knowing the language or the culture did not help at all.
I’m sorry school was such a difficult time for you. I couldn’t imagine going through school life without a friend. I do think having alone time is beneficial though, it gives me time to slow down, reflect and just breathe.
i so relate to this post, really feared being left to be paired during P.E, i think i still feel a little out of place if i have to go to a party alone!
I never really clamored for attention growing up. I had a competitive streak, yes, and I got ostracized by so-called friends when I was in high school which was fine, too. I learned that seeking attention just to be liked is an act of desperation. It’s better to get to know yourself more and love yourself for who and what you are, improve on what needs to improve and just seek happiness on your own and not the approval of people. At the end of the day, they will see confidence and genuine happiness radiate from you and you attract the right kind of people who will be there for you and with you. At the same time, being alone doesn’t necessarily mean being lonely. I really wonder why some people think that.
Personally, I think that it’s absolutely fine to be alone. I do not prefer to keep myself surrounded. G lots of people all the time, it feels too congested. Staying alone is what I enjoy and it rarely happens that I feel frustrated because of that, but still I love staying on my own and being alone.
It has taken me years, to mast the art of being alone! But now in my 30’s plus a mother, I still feel alone! But alone and complete! Weird I know!
It’s awful that you had a difficult experience like this. I somehow relate but not because I was treated that way but I chose to be alone most of the time and even now I find social interaction quite draining. Your experience makes me sad though because you didn’t want to be alone.
I always try to take some time for myself and be alone with my thoughts. Humans just need it… we cannot just react to outer stimuli and engage with the world if we don’t know who we are, what our inner motivations are… and this can come only with introspection and, yes, loneliness.
Great post! It’s so important to be able to feel comfortable being alone x
Choosing to do things alone is so challenging, but I completely understand what you mean when you say it also felt liberating too because that’s exactly how it felt when I did that for the first time recently. I really did just want to go and have a meal by myself, but thought everyone else there would judge me for it… turned out that no one bat an eyelid and that has been life changing for me! x
This sound like you are writing about me! That all happened to me at school and I felt the same. Even as an adult I was shy and suffered from a social phobia and depression. Having kids has helped me overcome some of it and also, blogging has too. I don’t have any ‘real’ friends apart from my mum, sister and husband. I do have friends that I talk to and go out with sometimes, but not the kind where I can open up and tell them anything.
Love this post! So true! Being comfortable alone is so important.
Alone time helps one to have time for themselves. It helps to identify who you are and where you want to be. That’s not something a friend can decide for your. Alone time is needed to recuperate from daily activities and to gear the body up for the following week and months after.
School is such a tough time. I remember feeling very similar in primary school to what you describe. Luckily things changed for me in high school but those years of being bullied impacted me for a long time and I became a bit of a clown to make sure that I always was in the centre of attention and not lonely.
I have really found my “place” and identity through my faith in Jesus and genuine friendships I have made in the church. Feeling genuinely loved and accepted by people makes such a difference and has liberated me to step out of my comfort zone more often – and be comfortable on my own.
Alone time burts out things you know weren’t there but does exists from the start
Such a great article! The first time I was truly alone (and not by choice), was when I moved from Europe to New York City on my own to pursue a carrer in dance.
It taught me so much and now I truly know HOW to be alone and still feel good about it 🙂
Thanks for sharing!
Love from Austria,
Theresa | http://www.primetimechaos.com
Blogging has also been a way for me to feel okay with being alone. Like you I have always been a bit of an outsider but blogging has helped me to connect with others. I will certainly never be the girl who is constantly surrounded by friends or whose schedule is filled with social obligations but I have learned to be okay with that and embrace who I am.
Thank you for sharing your story. I think it is so powerful to share struggles and help others realize they aren’t alone even when they feel bullied or isolated.
You’re one beautiful woman, young lady! 🙂 I somewhere could relate with your experience as I too feared being alone. But honestly, in the recent times I want/love nothing more than being alone. The feeling itself is beautiful. 🙂 Thanks for sharing such a beautiful post with us <3
Love,
Oindrila
beforbeauty.com
I had a rubbish time at school as well very much what you have described was part of a group but very much alone and not one of the girls neither. It was hard I amnow happy in life with the people I love Close and on hand and that’s all that matters to me
I see this was written in May. I hope you’re not feeling alone as much anymore. Honestly, I still go through that struggle every now and again. But what I’ve recently learned is that when you feel alone, use that time to reach out to people that you love and care about. Or reach out to someone you’ve been meaning to catch up with for awhile. And hopefully from there, you can talk to them about what you’re going through. If you feel that’s too personal, use that time to volunteer at a place where others feel alone, too.
Also, immersing myself in the blogging world definitely helped with the notion of feeling ‘alone’. Making e-friends and belonging in a community is a great feeling to have.
Sending so much love to you. You had such a tough time when you were younger. As a teacher I am so sorry that no one spotted the bullying was happening and am very glad that you have found peace through blogging x
I completely agree. It’s good to understand this and be comfortable in your own company. Blogging by has helped me in so many ways too- including this one! Love the outfit too x
Very moving and powerful post. You should be so proud!
Plus, such a gorgeous dress
I think we all need some time to ourselves every so often and it’s about finding the right balance x
I’m so sorry that you had such a rough time from other kids, they can be so cruel. I think it’s always better to be alone than to feel lonely with the wrong people. I have learned to feel comfortable in my own company at long last!
really well said. It has taken me a while too, but I really enjoy my own company now, as odd as that may sound 🙂
I am really saddened to think that you had to go through so much heartache at school from horrible insensitive people. However as an adult you now have the strength to over come this and often its nice to have time out , to eat out alone or have coffee on your own just so that you get “me ” time and it also helps you to be more comfortable with your own company. Too many people think they need to have people around them 24/7 this I don’t think is necessary . As much as I love having lots of friends and spending time with them, I love my own company and look forward to days when I can be home alone.