Throughout the ages us Britons have had a love/hate relationship with the word sex; from the rowdy Romans who sought to bring pleasure and fine entertainment to our intimate rooms to the overt gentility and regressive Victorian attitudes towards sex in the 19th century, its clear that sex is a cultural taboo. In many cultures, including those stemmed in religious belief sex outside of marriage is frowned upon while the sexual revolution of the 1960’s saw Modern Britain develop more lax attitudes towards sex. Sex was often seen as a deed designed to ‘church’ a family instead of an act of pleasure or intimacy and the liberalism shown towards sex in the 1960’s helped eradicate age old archaic limitations around discussing and being open about sexual intercourse.
Now I am well aware that sex is a conscientious topic and many will find it uncomfortable that I am so open about speaking about sex but it’s because I believe we all have a duty to educate younger generations about sex. Without sex we would not have family and without families we would all be strangers. Without sex we would develop no intimacy with our partners and without knowledge of sex and its dangers we can potentially doom our youths to having unprotected sex with fatal consequences including transmitted diseases. I grew up in a strict but liberal household but I was repressed when it came to discussing sex with family and even friends. I was never popular with guys and the guys I did sleep with I realized were using me for their own gratification. For years I was pulled from one guy to another until eventually I found my footing and discovered a new phenomenon- sex toys.
I discovered that I could still have a healthy sex drive and enable self-pleasure without the need of a man and I felt liberated. I was taught-through education and peer influence- that women needed to be the ‘enabler of male pleasure’ yet when it came to our own, our pleasures were cruelly dismissed. It made me wonder why women were constantly upheld as ‘sexual objects’ in the digital media and digital narratives and yet when it came to women ‘engaging or being open about multiple’ sexual intercourse’s society were quick to condemn. I have lost count of the amount of times I have been told I am a ‘slapper’ because I have slept with more than one guy and yet men are told that they immediately qualify for ‘legend status’? How does that even make any sense? Why is it not ladylike for me to have an open and healthy sexual discussion when men relay their ‘exploits all the time’? Is it any wonder that teenage parents become too afraid to tell their parents because of the attitudes towards sex and how many automatically blame the woman?! Um hello it takes two to tango and FYI I know brilliant teenage mums who are far better than many parents twice their age!
My point being is that it is ok to talk about sex and if toys become part of a young persons needs than let it be. I discovered toys during A-Levels but I honest to God wished I found it earlier. It might have saved me a lot of heartache and make me realize that I don’t need a man to make me happy. It was during my ‘self-discovery’ phase (excuse the pun) that I found Perlesque and their range of sophisticated ‘grayscale’ sex toys. Designed for solo and partner play, Perlesque’s five product collection all features the same sleek, grey design, with an entwined figure eight logo ( otherwise known as an infinity symbol).
Traditionally associated with the idea of ‘sexual unification’ and ‘two becoming one’ Perlesque’s reinterpretation of the ‘infinity symbol’ has led it to amassing a cult following with solo riders like me, who aim to be open and honest about topics surrounding sexual discourse. Because lets face it, sex should be celebrated; regardless of whether you believe in sex after marriage ( which I believe is beautiful) or have regular sex outside of marriage, toys can help you relieve tension, discomfort and release endorphins to make you feel happier. When I am stressed or finding it hard to let off steam toys enable me to reconnect with who I am as a person and in some ways boost my self-confidence. I might struggle with the way I look and have body confidence issues but Perlesque showed me how toys can help you feel empowered and body positive. Which is why I was delighted to discover that Perlesque was eager for me to share my own positive sexual mantras and reassure all generations, regardless of divide that it is perfectly normal to talk about sex.
In fact I believe that it is so ok to ‘talk about sex’ that I chose two innovative toys- Eris and Eirene- to demonstrate how it made me relax and feel self-assured. Eirene is a large ergonomically shaped bullet designed for internal and external stimulation while Eris is a small but powerful rabbit, catered to solo’s and partner adventurers alike. Eris is made from soft silky silicone and uses seven alternating speed functions so you can set your ‘desired speed’. Each speed increases in speed until you get to the sixth speed which creates pulsing vibrations that created distorted speeds to get your pulse racing. Whilst it was a lot of fun alternating between each speed to find the right momentum I found that speed 4-7 were the best functions to use and will allow you to feel satisfied in no time.
The rabbit ears are the most excellent addition to any sex toy I have used and as a first time ‘rabbit’ user, I found it was far more effective than a dildo, vibrator or simple bullet to make me feel fully satisfied. The ears made it easier to find the G-spot and if you are planning to use this as a couple, it can allow the partner to give you pleasure on your own accord, rather than toys specifically catered to a certain ‘sex in charge’. That is what made Perlesque even more lovable, their gender neutral sex toys designed by women had an open and committed ethos to creating a collection that neither compromised gender boundaries nor sought to pigeonhole toys under the ‘straight umbrella’ as many sex toy companies seem to do. In fact a dear openly gay friend of mine recently ordered Eris to use with her girlfriend during Pride and she said Perlesque could not be any more fitting. With the Orlando shootings robbing 50 dear LGBTQ men and women of their right to live, the poignancy of gender neutral toys that celebrates love and pleasure in all forms is bittersweet. Let us all celebrate sex and speak about sexual discourse regardless of sexual differences because it is ok to talk about sex.
The larger of the two toys Eirene, provides an entirely different delicious experience; a large ergonomic bullet, Eirene is a perennial product to help consumers achieve in the words of co-founder Rea Deacon ‘fulfillment’, bringing back communication and intimacy while celebrating the act of pleasure’. The idea of a toy as a ‘communicator’ might seem alien to solo adventurers like myself but it showed me that I needed to ‘listen’ to my body and not ‘repress’ my urges simply because my environmental or cultural climate prevented me from doing so? Noone should ever have to feel that ‘owning’ sex toys makes them a bad person or that they must fight their urges simply because there is such a negative discourse around sex.
Screw the haters and listen to your body because its pretty good at telling you what you want, even if you refuse to heed its advice. But back to Eirene, with four different speeds I found it to be less powerful than Eris but nevertheless with enough speed to make an impact and satisfy my needs. The one thing I will say is it can be tricky figuring out the on/off button but all you need to do is hold the on/off switch for two seconds to get the party started. Eirene is probably best used as a combo approach during foreplay rather than sole play because I found the vibrations although powerful did not satisfy me to the same extent as Eris. Then again that might have something to do with the rabbit ears …Both toys, although different in their approaches made me feel ‘sexy again’ and after having my confidence knocked time and time again by men it made me feel like a tigress who was in control in her own desire. It showed me that I shouldn’t feel uncomfortable about being proud of my sexual identity nor should I worry about what controversy it could cause. Because lets face it, it is about time that women showed that it is ok to talk about sex!
Do You Believe We Should Do More To Encourage Open And Healthy Discussions Around Sex?
I think it is perfectly healthy and natural to use toys, their is such a taboo around it, when it is funny that 99.9% off the world, use them!
It’s crazy that nobody talks about this. Most people have them (or lots of them) and yet won’t say a word. A few years ago my best friend was selling her house. She was out of town and there was a showing so she said “quick go over and put these away” I was too late .. and pulled into her drive just as they were walking in. She had an offer within an hour of the couple walking through. True story. They were newlyweds
I absolutely love this, we need to stop making sex such a taboo subject, I’m not saying sit round the dinner table and discuss with your parents, but for goodness sake there are so many STI’s and unplanned pregnancies out there that we should be more open to discussing safe sex and what we like and don’t like. Toys are great and everyone should try them! xxx