Growing up I found it difficult to distinguish between ‘real’ and fake friends, because I was conditioned into thinking that both sets of friends were the same. But what is a true friend and how can we tell the difference between a real and fake friend ? A true friend will be there to wipe away your tears and to help you through your struggles, no matter what time of night it is. But a fake friend? A fake friend will drip poison into your ears and relish the thought of you suffering as they rise in power. A true friend will tell you straight up if your being a wanker but a fake friend will sit and listen with their false sympathies, all the while concocting a master plan to get you out of the picture. I had many fake friends growing up but did we ever stop to consider that we might all have been fake friends at one point? Lets admit it, that friend of a friend that you found just plain annoying but still pretended to like anyway? Why? Because you are afraid of ‘hurting that person’ when in reality you are already hurting them by pretending to be their friend. If I don’t like someone I wont pretend to like them, I will be civil but I will never give them the impression that I want to be friends with them because that is just plain wrong and I know how hurtful that can be.
When I came to secondary school I was a painfully shy gawky 11 year old who clearly lacked confidence. I had just been taken into care a year earlier by my foster mum and while I was beginning to rip away the bandages from the past, my heart still felt sore and it hurt… badly. My first day at secondary school was normal , I sat in a drama lesson and a girl named H beckoned me to sit next to her and we fast became friends, eventually best friends. It all happened so fast, one minute we were buddies and the next we fashioned ourselves as ‘soul sisters’ who would support each other through everything. It all changed about two months in, our friendship group grew bigger and soon I was being left on the shelf. H met C and since us three shared our classes together it was me who became the third wheel and I was painfully aware of what a lone figure I cut. It wasn’t bullying at this point, rather a case of ‘natural selection’ and because I was seen as the weakest I became the person who my ‘friendship group’ cared for the least. They used to run away from me during lunch time because they thought it would be funny to watch me cry and made fun of the way I looked. I had thick frizzy curly hair, buck teeth and a unibrow, in short I was seen as a figure of fun. What started out as me being seen as the third wheel transformed into years of bullying, where I would be called names, ignored, left out and have my property damaged.
I was bullied by people outside of my friendship group too but it was those who called themselves my friends who hurt me the most. They were meant to be there for me but I couldn’t tell them anything, despite H & C’s hurtful behavior towards me I still forgave them everything and kidded myself into thinking that it was just banter. Of course it wasn’t, would a real friend spread rumors about you, tell the boy you liked that you fancied them and delete your work and see it all as one big joke?! No, but a fake friend will talk smack behind your back, a fake friend will use you for their own vindictive purposes and a fake friend will lie to your face when you finally have the courage to confront them and make out that you are some crazy ass bitch . Lord knows how many times I tried to break up with my fake friends but truth is at secondary I had no one and I sure as hell didn’t want to be seen as one of those losers who ate alone. I remember one week where the entire group decided to freeze me out so I hid in the toilets eating my lunch, watching the salt tears plop onto my sandwiches in disgust. I wanted to have the confidence to eat alone and not give a care in the world but truth was I cared too much. When I was meant to give a geography presentation in class but my so-called friend flaked out on me, I was left almost in tears, afraid of what people might think about me standing on stage alone. In fact I remember a classmate called V calling out ‘whether I actually had any friends’ and that is when I broke down. I ran out of the classroom crying, sobbing as I heard the jeers of my classmates behind me.
I am never going to pretend that I am the worlds best friend because I am not but one thing I am not is a fake friend. In year 9 I met CJ, who became a good friend of mine and H’s, since we shared science classes together. H and C had not been best friends for a while and for a time me and H were on happier ground. We spent summers together and spent classes chatting about school and boys, until CJ came into the picture. There seemed to be this continuous cycle, I would meet a friend who I would get close to and then another person would come along and how I saw it, take that ‘best friend’ away from me, leaving me to feel alone again. It happened with H and it happened with CJ, hell even at uni it happened several times but CJ was different. CJ was great, she made me laugh, would invite me over for sleepovers and we would share our innermost secrets with each other. But then something snapped and her and H became closer, bonding through their love of making me feel like S**t. They used to have this game they would play whenever they would see me; point to the unibrow, point to the mustache and make an imitation of a ‘rabbit’ because according to them I looked like a goofy boy who noone would even dare fancy.
When I told H & CJ that I liked a guy called O, it was the first time I had admitted to a “friend” that I had liked someone, because despite my mistreatment, I thought I could trust them with this juicy piece of gossip. Except of course I couldn’t , they went up to him one day after class and pointed to me,shouting loudly for everyone to hear that I fancied him and him and the whole class laughed, as if the idea of me fancying a ‘guy’ who quite clearly thought he was out of my league was preposterous. When I came to class he would go red and his friends would point but instead of my friends supporting me they would join in and make s**t up about me, because apparently that was what real friends would do. I was getting sick of being treated like dirt and while most of the bullying I encountered was not ‘physical’, the emotional side effects were taking its toll. In year 10 everyone went to prom but I decided I didn’t want to go and do you know why? I didn’t want to pretend to like the people who had become my tormentors and forcibly smile my way through conversations that I didn’t want to have. I didn’t want to have to dance and sing to music with the bullies that were my fake friends and act as though everything was ok. I didn’t want to accept the blame for their own horrendous actions and kid myself into thinking that it was my own fault I was being bullied, because I knew that it wasn’t true.When I was told by K that the reason so called friends bullied me was because I was a pushover, it was almost as though they were excusing their behavior and blaming my personality for making them call me names and making me feel worthless.
Hmm, let me think about that for second? Because who doesn’t love being told that their parents don’t love them, that they have no friends and that you are so ugly that even guys will recoil in disgust. Yes, your right, I can see why I am friends with you, because I love wallowing in the drama and making myself look like I am a victim, NOT. Well, shocker here’s a news flash, you guys may have apologized in a year book for -and I quote- ‘anything bullyish’ that you may have done but the truth is you hurt me way too many times for me to ever consider you to be a real friend. I realize now that you were never going to be the one who would stand beside me when I was in pain or mop my tears when yet another bully made a comment on my weight or appearance and that was something I knew a long time ago. I just never had the courage to walk away but here I am walking away and finally telling you what I really think. You were never real friends because a real friend doesn’t target your insecurities , a real friend doesn’t make plans and then cancel to hang out with someone cooler and most of all a real friend will never ever make you feel as worthless and as small as you guys made me.In the words of Bebe Rexa, ‘F**k Fake Friends, you don’t need ’em.
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Sorry to hear you were bullied. I’ve had many fake friends and what amazes me is there are still these type of people knocking about during my adulthood x
I totally agree. I would rather have one or two great friends that will always be there for me than 20 so=-called friends who run a mile when the going gets tough – good friends are worth their weight in gold!
I felt your emotional and mental pain throughout this and it broke my heart. It even felt I was reading my journal because that was very very similar for me growing up. I was always seen as the ‘ugly, shy weird girl who kept to herself’.
And as we speak as an adult I have been going through that myself. A girl, who I have known for years and I have been her support system over the past year (as she was pregnant and even so hard for me cos I can’t have children, but I put aside my hurt for her anyway) and I recently asked her to be my assistant again for a photo shoot and for two weeks she said “yes yes, most definitely”. The night before the photo shoot I text everyone reminding the time. Never heard from her. On the day of the shoot, we all waited for half an hour for her. Later that afternoon I tried to contact her and sent her two msgs as I was worried about her. Got no response until later that night saying her ‘phone died. I’m so over my iphone what phone do you think I should get’. I was gobsmacked. She sent the message from her ‘ipad’ through to FB messenger. I said to her, she could have msged form FB, twitter, IG – hell we live in a social media world!! I would have understood if she didn’t want to be a part of it anymore but for god sakes let me know. Not ignore it and play me stupid!! Anyway, she has turned around and made feel I’m over reacting and shut me out. I’m more upset at that she has lied, turned it onto me and been so disrespectful when I have always been there for her through thick and thin.
You are a beautiful person inside and out Ana, and they are in your past. You walk straight ahead, conquer this world and continue to be your fabulous self!! xx
http://www.susanalopessnarey.com/how-to-be-your-own-handy-girl/
Oh lovely :/ it broke my heart hearing how this person who you loved and trusted took all your loving kindness and threw it back in your face. It just goes to show that sometimes the people we think we know the best are the ones who are hiding their true selves and it hurts us the most of all. I am sorry that this friend of yours flaked out on you and couldn’t be bothered to be there for you when you needed her most. She is not a real friend and although you shared so much together it is time to move on and leave her behind. Like you said to me, hold your head up high and be the woman you want to be, even if others try to cut you down or undermine who you are. Let me tell you something, you are a beautiful person and if this silly little girl is quite clearly jealous. You on the other hand, keep being awesome x
Oh wow. Something very similar happened to me recently too. Someone I have known for years and who I thought was my friend did her very best to destroy a film project of mine by completely mishandling it (after volunteering to manage it) and then cancelled for no reason at the very last minute. What is it with people? I don’t get it..I really don’t…I wish we would all be treated better! We deserve it. I’m sorry about your photo shoot.
It is only when we grow old that we get to know the difference between real and fake friends. Even when I was at school, I was a shy girl but I have seen a major change in myself now after growing up.
This one really hit home with me. I think if you’re someone who comes at relationships in the way you described .. open and honest .. that you expect others to as well. The idea that some people may have their own interests at heart is disheartening .. and takes a while to figure out. As I’ve gotten older .. I tend to keep one or two friends close .. and am friendly with everyone else
Wow! Thank you so much for your honesty and vulnerability! I can 100% relate to your experiences, unfortunately. I know that pain of constant forgiveness only to be followed by more hurt all too well. I pray now you’re at a place you’ve overcome that!! You deserve better!!
Sorry to hear that you were bullied as a child! I totally agree with you that we need to get rid of all the negative friends as well as relationships in our lives! I wish I would have had that skill to identify all fake friends in my life when I was in college!
I keep my circle of friends small, for this exact reason. It’s sad that there are adults that still behave in such a childish manner, but I’ve had it happen. If someone bad mouths other people to me, that they are pleasant to their face, is my cue to cut them out of my life. If they will do it to someone else, they will do it to me, and I just don’t have time for bullshit and drama. Thanks for keeping it real.
You described fake and true friends so well. Fake friend will smile to your face and stab you in the back when you least expect it. I myself choose to have only a handful of true friends…Everyone else is just “people I know”. I think you learn as you get older to see people’s true colors. No time for timewaisters.
Ana when I read your posts I really feel so sad, you have been through so much emotional turmoil from a young age. I think we have all had a few fake friends over time. As soon as I see them I move on, they are not worth the heart ache.
I’m pretty certain in secondary school I had fake friends but now I just can’t deal with them x
I seriously don’t understand why people are so mean, but you are right – who needs people like that. I would rather have only one GOOD friend that treats me right than fake ones any day.
I’m the same, I’d rather have one or two great friends then lots of fake ones x
You certainly don’t need fake friends, a small group of people who genuinely care for you and your well being is all you need.
I have had plenty of fake friends, even in recent years, and I think I have reached an age where I would rather have just one real friend than ten fake ones. I pity those whose friendships are not real, you’ve got to wonder why they act the way they do. I’m hugely grateful to have so many lovely friends, I have no time for the fake ones!
Amen to that sista! It’s a sad fact of life that there are a lot of fakers out there who seem to be your friends and then you eventually find out they are not but whatever doesn’t break you makes you! Aside from that looking stunning in that outfit x
I f**king love this post and I f**king hate fake friends. Like you I’ve had my fair share of them but unfortunately it appears I didn’t learn my lesson until college. I’m a lot more cautious now with people and I take my friendships a lot slower because of it.
I f**king love this post and I f**king hate fake friends. Like you I’ve had my fair share of them but unfortunately it appears I didn’t learn my lesson until college. I’m a lot more cautious now with people and I take my friendships a lot slower because of it.
I am so picky with who I call a friend now. I only have a few but I’d rather that than fake people!
I think throughout your life you only ever had a closer circle of say 2 or 3 friends that tend to stay with you through thick and thin!
Fake friends are toxic, but they help you to get stronger for sure! I’m really glad you shared this, as it is super heartfelt.
Great post, totally agree! Love the embroidered jeans!
It’s so sad how girls and grown women feel the need to tear others down – I’m glad you’ve learned to sort the quality ‘real’ friends from those who don’t truly have your best interests at heart. x
I love this post. Since I left home and needed to find more friends, it seems all I find are fake friends and I’ve grown enough to realize that fake friends are just not worth your time. I used to be the person with 100’s of good friends. I was friends with everyone. Now, I don’t give a f*ck and only have 2-3 really good friends. And that’s perfect for me! Thanks for sharing your experiences. (:
Wow what a truly moving post, this really resonated with me . What a disgusting group of people you had to deal with, I can’t believe you had to go through all that with such shitty people, how horrific. I’ve definitely had a few fake friends. I think in school especially it’s definitely a lot harder to walk away and cut ties with fake friends then because you see them everyday and as a kid you want to make friends. That’s definitely one thing I wish I’d done more in school was stick up for myself and call these people out earlier, because I do now and its amazing how much better it makes me feel knowing who’s the true friend and who’s the bullshitter. Makes it easier to cut the ties. It’s amazing how much happier it makes you feel, almost wish I’d learned that earlier in life haha! It’s like that phrase its better to have a small group of true friends then a large group of fake friends. Anyway I’m sorry for the crazy long post haha I’ll stop my rant now, can you tell I feel really passionate about your post? haha.
You are an inspiration and so so strong, brave and courageous, dealing with their bullshit and coming out of it a much better person then they will all ever be. You are beautiful inside and out and that is something they will never take away from you. You are a star so keep on shining Ana! 🙂
VioletDaffodils
xx
I’m so sorry you had to go through all this and it certainly seems like those people don’t deserve the title friends.
I had a huge circle of friends in my teens and 20s but now in my 30s I only have a small number of friends. I know they are there for me though and I can rely on them.
hahaha i had “soul brothers” too growing up. one specific on in primary and a whole group in high school. they called us the Smurfs lol. I totally related to this post and so true about how naive we were when it came to friends when we were younger. great post
After school real hardship began and I found out who were my real friends. it was a tough lesson but one i needed to learn
Better alone than in bad company has always been my motto. Fake friends are not friends, just remove them and do your thing. x
Yes, let out the frustration and it’s sad when children are bullied, just remember you have overcome the obstacles, all the best
I’ve finally learnt how to let go of the fake friends and hold on to those who really do have my best interests at heart. This is something I learnt to do in my mid-20s- before that I cared too much about things and people that were never important. So liberating!
Those pants are so adorable on you. I agree remove those people who are toxic in your life.
You are right, no one needs fake friends but it does take having a few of them to make you realise how amazing your true friends are x
I can relate to this I was very quiet at school and was bullied a lot and sometimes by people I saw as friends.
Over the years I’ve definitely learnt to remove people like that from my life.
Totally agree. I had plenty of ‘friends’ where they’d only contact me when they wanted something or wanted to talk about their latest problems. Fake friends drain your energy, so it’s best to steer clear and surround yourself by people who add to your life 🙂
I guess at one time or another, we all had fake friends and we only realize it once we were already hurt by them. I’d say it’s all part of growing up, part of knowing who we really are. It teaches us wisdom at some point and we become more discerning of the people we open up to and call friends eventually.
Yup, I don’t do fake friends. Been burned too badly. I’m sorry you had to go througn that. School is hard enough without other kids being awful to you too!
A good strong small group of friends who care and love you is way better than those fake friend types. They aren’t good for anyone and surely not even good for themselves?
Sorry to hear you were bullied! I only have one or two friends now in life due to having too many fake ones in the past. Jo x
It’s shocking how some human beings treat others. I was bullied in school because I wasn’t pretty and wore glasses and I left for college with really low self esteem. It took a long time and meeting my now husband to realise those people were the ones with the problems and that I was beautiful to someone and they would love me for who I was and how I looked. And I certainly had fake friends, who like you, I clung on to simply so I wouldn’t be on my own. Now I will confidently eat alone and think nothing of it, something I wouldn’t have dared to do when I was younger.
Hmmmm…….choose your friends wisely and slowly and with caution. Having said that you can never predict what “so called” friends will do or how they will treat you in times of trouble or hardship. I am finding out the hard way at the moment as I am separating from my husband and my “So called” best friend is steering clear of me…guess I don’t have enough money for her liking her anymore..Ah well…. Stay strong girl xxx
I’m so sorry you had to go through that. Finding true finds can be really difficult. It’s good that you understand what you need and don’t want in relationships.
Ugh, sorry about the fake friends. I can’t stand them either. I’ve had a few that I’ve had to cut free. I just don’t have the patience for people like that.
I love these jeans by the way. Gorgeous.
Fake friends are the worst! With social media these days, friendships are definitely getting harder to tell too. It seems that people who wouldn’t talk to you in person or give you the time of day offline will still be friends with you online to “boost” their own numbers… It’s kind of sad. With a more connected world, we are becoming more disconnected.
I am so genuinely sorry to hear how hard high school was for you Ana. It’s heartbreaking the damage bullies cause people. You’re beautiful and have come so far since then. Cutting out fake friends is the best thing for everyone to do. x
Man, so much of this resonated so strongly with me. I had a lot of issues as a kid because of the things I went through, and I had a lot of other kids around me who were awful to me because of it. I’m sorry to know you went through that, because I know how much it sucks.
But I’m also glad you became who you are because of it, and that you’re strong enough now to rise above it – because that’s incredibly inspiring, and some teen somewhere is reading this. Some teen somewhere is soaking up what you have to say. And it’s giving them courage.
Oh, and in the meantime – this outfit? Slay, girl. I love it!
This was heartbreaking to read. I can only imagine what you went through then.
I can totally relate why you were hurt more because the people who mistreated you were those you cared about.
That experience I guess has enabled you know yourself better and your worth. Their lose!
Sorry to hear all of this – secondary school is such a brutal and horrible place. Try to focus on all the positive changes in your life now 🙂
Helen x
I can only begin to imagine your angst and loneliness at what you went through. For so many people the past becomes a tool to justify everything that’s wrong and failing in their lives today. And while that’s understandable, it’s very admirable to see someone get past all that and make something of themselves. Kudos to your honesty and for sharing your story!
So sorry to read about these challenging times for you, girl. I think we’ve all had (and have) fake friends. Its always about the fabulous one or two who can always be there for you versus a group of so-so people. Know what I mean?
Sorry to hear that you were bullied. I’ve been bullied by own bench mates when I was in middle school. Every since I became very cautious about choosing friends. I am glad you have overcomed it. Wishing you loads of happiness. I love those embroidery jeans and you paired them really well,
This is something I needed reminding of, thank you so much for this. Major love x
No one deserves to go through that. Real friends are sadly, few and far between, but when you find them they are yours for life.
So many people pretend to be your friend and like feed off your weaknesses. I really don’t have many friends at all to be honest. I keep to myself
Making fake friends can be so disappointing. It’s good that you’ve realized you can move past that. Real friends are rare, but when they come along, they are worth keeping.
Fake friends are the worst. Over time, I learned how to distinguish them from real friends, but I also had to learn the hard way. It’s so tough that you had to deal with this after all the pain that your father and his wife caused you.
I completely agree I would rather two great friends the fake friends any day! Sorry to hear you got bullied, no one should have to go through that. much love X
I have not experienced any bullying via someone I thought was a friend, but I can imagine how awful it must feel. I have had toxic friendships before, but for other reasons, and I am glad I was able to walk away from the negativity.
I completely agree! I would rather have less true friends than more fake friends. I adore your jeans xx
This hits way more close to home than I would like to admit. I was switched schools when I was younger and had no friends for two years no matter how hard I tried. It was frustrating. When I finally made a friend I held on. But he was exactly like your friend H. I would later tell people that he was the type of friend one would say, “with friends like these, who needs enemies?” He would delight in me being teased and derided. All I wanted was a friend. Was sad that I took him back after we stopped being friends for a while because I was so desperate for any friend that it didn’t matter who I became friends with.
Fake friends are just here to mess up our lives. They’re toxic and they will keep dragging you down until they don’t have anything to do with you anymore. That’s something that I learned as I progressed in life. That’s also why I started building walls around me. So yeah, I agree, f— fake friends!
this post really touched me close. i just posted yesterday about my panic attacks and anxiety which turned into loneliness and no “FRIENDS”
I’m going to a school reunion in 2 months and worried about seeing the bullies and fake friends who made my teenage years miserable. Looking on facebook I think my life is happier and healthier because I might be shy but I’m also honest.
I absolutely detest bullies, but look at this way even though I’m sorry ou had to experience that we all have at one stage. The reason why the bully is because these idiots think you are weak and jealous of your natural beauty inside and out. You are lovely inspiring young woman xx
the title of this post reminds me of myself, i don’t have friends, i don’t keep friends for this same reason, the fake friends will always be the ones to let you down and be glad they did in pretense of being there for you. thanks fadedspring for this very write up and viola. you spoke my mind in full details to the benefit of the post.
I learned to let go of a lot of people because of this and it’s really important that you figure out how to distinguish which friends are for real and who are just using you. I’m sorry you had to experience this. It will really teach you a valuable lesson though.
Beautiful jeans. A girl I was really good friend with recently moved up north and didn’t bother to talked to me. She even had a leaving party and didn’t bother to invite me. I did a bloody lot for this girl.
So I understand your anger and your frustrating. xx
I was bullied too so know what you mean. Gorgeous outfit as always, particularly love those jeans 🙂
Great post Ana. I agree completely. No time to waste on fake friends.
I think it is easier to spot fake friends as you get older and I have certainly let go alot of friendships along the way
Oh boy I’m sure we all have at some point in our lives. This has been the first year I have just admitted to my self that I don’t have time for those kind of friendships.
I wish I had learned about “fake friends” sooner in life. It would have saved me a lot of trouble and heartache.
I am the master of picking out fake friends. Drives me insane! That is why I am so guarded and keep my circle so very tiny!
Great post. I totally agree with you. Its better to have few friends who are real.
Ugh, people can be so cruel. I hated high school, it’s hard to have any real friends at school when the only reason you hang out with those people is because you’re forced to be with them everyday. It’s great to see how strong you are now though.
Bullying – awful! Fake friends are plenty…even growing older I find them in their masses. Real friends can be counted on one hand…sad but true. thanks for sharing 🙂 x
It’s terrible when teens are building their personalities by bullying the ones less confident and less stronger than them. Highschool is a time of learning and discovering yourself. Making fun of others and bullying can have devastating effects for a teens life and that is really sad. I wish more anti-bullying programs would make children realize that all actions have consequences, some that you can’t undo.
I got bullied a lot too but you know what i never let any of them get me down. I have had it as an adult too and realised that the more you smile and let it all brush off you the more it frustrates them. They don’t have an angle when you don’t care so my advice is smile it all through 😊
Everything about this, yes! I just stopped talking to a few friends because it was all one-sided and it seemed like they weren’t even friends with me. It was rough but definitely better for me!
Love the shades and shoes, girl 🙂 Ughh, being a girl is so hard. Why doesn’t anyone tell you this growing up? I’ve been in a similar situation, too.
Oh love I have been there too, I had two friends just like you described above they were my friends when they felt like it (This was in Junior High) and when they got upset at me for the stupidest things they would make fun of me and hurt my feeling and bullied me around. You know what the craziest thing is I forgave them and moved on. I lost tough with them after Junior high I have seen them here and there but no longer friends. I have what you call real friends those that if they could would leave everything and come share their shoulder for you to cry on. You know I appreciate those experiences although they weren’t good they opened my eyes and know I know better. “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” 🙂 Stay strong my love <3
Reading this conjured up some emotions from when I was at high school. Like you I chose not to go to prom because I could not stand the thought of pretending to like the people who bullied me. I think as we get older we get wiser to the toxic and fake friends. Thank you for sharing this post!
I don’t know if I have ever really experienced fake friendships. I am an INFJ on the Myers-Briggs test, and I tend to have only a couple really close friends, I’m not so good at small talk or fluff. I’m sorry that you were bullied by these types of people though, it is so sad how people choose to belittle others when they have their own hurt that needs to be addressed.
Sounds like you have really been through it with so called “friends”. Sadly some lessons are hard to learn but I think something good can come out as you come appreciate true friends.
what a lovely outfit! I love it from head to toe!! x
Umm..not sure about that. I do need my friends even though they have let me down a few times but then we all are not perfect, right? But I hear you. Its better to stay away from constant negativity.
This is such a true post! You described the difference between true and fake friends perfectly and I can truly relate to this! I have been thru similar things and in similar situations in the past. We do not need toxic, fake, negative people in our lives! Also, I love your outfit. xx
I can feel you, love! Sorry for what happened to you. No, you don’t need fake friends. Real friends or true friends are hard to find but when you found them they will always be there for you, support you and will always love you. ❤️
xo,
Molly
http://www.allaboutgoodvibes.com
Bullying is the absolute worst! i’m so sorry you had to go through that. I even had a class at my college that focused around how horrible this is! It makes you stronger and in the end you are better off without them! They will not be as successful in the long run acting like that! Keep doing you and keep smiling <3
I’m right there with you on fake friends. Your posts always inspire such long comments from me but I need to share that I went through a horrible situation with “friends” a few years ago. I had a miscarriage and the next week several friendships from the same circle of friends were unraveling. One of the girls, who is a labor and delivery nurse, actually told me I shouldn’t care about the miscarriage because I never wanted children to begin with. You don’t need that in your life and I’m happy you are making positive changes.
It’s unfortunate that we all have to deal with bullying as kids. The worst part is when it is done by “fake” friends because it hurts twice as much. I know you love fashion, killer outfit in this post by the way, but have you every considered helping other kids? I think your insight would be so helpful to them.
It’s heartbreaking to read this all and I think what’s really sad is the fact that most of us have had ‘fake friend’. I was close with one girl at secondary school, my parents treated her like their own daughter, she would come to their birthday parties, eat lunch at my granny’s and play with my sister’s children. She was like a sister to me. Then she started lying, making excuses for not meeting me… and it all ended up with her stealing money from my parents and my Nan who genuinely loved her like her own granddaughter. Of course, I was in pain, but what she did to my loved ones for all the love, care and warmth she got just made me devastated.
Then again, you asked an important question there: how often are we fake friends? Of course, not to the extend of bullying someone or stealing their things but simply being nice to someone who annoys us ‘so as not to hurt them/be rude’. I think we’re sadly more guilty of that than we realise. Thanks again for provoking so many thoughts xx
Fake friends are the absolutely worst. I’m so sorry you dealt with bullying.
I really love this post. I recently had to remove some toxic people, fake friends from my life. I feel so much better, but a lot more lonely if I’m honest. Still, that’s NO REASON to keep these people in your life xxx
I love that you’re not afraid to share your authentic self with the world. You’re a fantastic writer, Ana!
This post is so true, and really hit home . Since moving to the north, not many of my “friends” have kept in touch, despite me messaging all the time, inviting them up to stay with me etc. It’s so good that you are turning it around and staying positive x
Bullying is the not so good thing that happened when we are young. I am sorry if you had experienced that. For having friends, I guess we only need a few as long as they are true to us.
We must be very observing of our friendships even as we get older. Life is fast and time is precious. Give yourself sure but be sure they have you in their hearts. Beautiful as always honey
Oh Ana, My heart just broke reading your post. I want to hug the little girl you were and tell you that you will achieve far more than those sad jealous girls every would.
I hate fake friends. I like to think I am a good one, but I have been let down so many times. Friends making plans, but you are never included. Putting on events and hardly anyone turns up. Putting so much effort into gifts and getting no reciprocation.
My best friend of several years who knows all my secrets suddenly became distant. She is getting married next week. I don’t know where, have not been included in the plans and no invitation either. It really hurts as I don’t know what I have done wrong!
All I can say is that you have become an amazing women through all this hardship and I think you are absolutely wonderful,
Oh and I love those jeans too!
Txxx
I agree! MUCH better off without them!
I agree! Fake people have no place in my life and I try to steer clear of them, which includes fake blogging “friends.” I find a lot of people like to say they want to prop each other up, but that’s really not the case.
I am so sorry to hear this. It is awful to be badly hurt by fake friends, it is really horrible.
Sure I did. I think we all experience fake friends at some point in our life. Totally hate the idea of them and the “friends” themselves
It’s hard reading as this sounds like me at school. My friends would lie and say something I didn’t to someone else in our friendship group. Which often led to my ‘friends’ circling me at the end of school and beating me up. I never understood why it happened but now I realise it was because I was easy to pick on and didn’t stick up for myself. I’ve had other shitty experiences then leaving school, being best friends with someone, only for them to ditch me when their ‘old best friend’ came back on the scene. And when my best friend moved away, she would constantly come down to see that girl, but never tell me. She tried to pin it on me, but I made so much effort. I have only a few friends now, because I constantly get fucked.
Fake friends are the worst. Sorry you had to deal with idiot bullies during your school years. I admit your post hit home, I too had fake friends during school years. The saying “Two’s company, threes a crowd” really hurts when you’re that third wheel.
I have never really been good at distinguishing friends, I was bullied a lot at school and was constantly worried that the friends would side with them. I still dont feel 100% around new people. X
Some say that you will know when you are growing.old, when your friends becomes fewer and fewer, and who remains are your loyal true friends.
Love this post I try to think this way all the time, love your outfit
I had so many fake friends during secondary school. Once I left school I thought it was all over, but it wasn’t until I had my first baby that I soon realised who were my real friends. I went from a whole bunch to just 2. But they’re the only friends I’ll ever need.
The older I get the more I realize I don’t have time to waste on people (friends OR family) that can’t be there for me. Your post is right on point. LOVE the jeans btw!
So sorry that you were bullied – I really know how it feels 🙁 it was only when I left high school that I realised that pretty much all of my friends were fake. It’s better to find out late than never though I guess
Kids can be cruel! Your childhood stories are very sad, but it seems that you made the best of it. Good luck, Ana!
Babe, first of all you look absolutely INCREDIBLE! I know what its like to have fake friends and you’re right, you absolutely dont need them! xxx
I’ve definitely have had fake friends. I make sure to keep them at bay and refuse to tell them anything personal about me.
I know that I’ve had fake friends over the years, I’ve also had fair-weather friends, those that change their friendship depending on the weather – maybe they are one and the same. I have very few, what I class as real friends. Sometimes it makes me sad, as I’d love to have a wider circle… I was bullied at school, by people who I thought were my friends, it was horrible, and I still have those memories, even though I left school over 20 years ago, it never leaves you.
I was bullied in school too! It’s amazing to see how you came out of that hate and rose above it. You are beautiful!
Wow. Middle school is terrible for everyone, but it sounds like you had an especially hard time. I did too; I can relate to a lot of what you’ve said. It looks from you pictures and your blog and that you have really come into your own since then; you’re gorgeous and at least on the outside look cool and collected. I wish I could say the same. All that isolation and bullying led me to drugs and then a very abusive relationship which left me scarred for life.
If you ever want to guest post on my blog about bullying…I think it’s a really important topic and you seem more open than most to discussing it (and able to do it in a coherent, well written manner) so just contact me if you do!
I totally agree, by the way, F fake friends. I’ve had way too many of them as well.
I’ve always thought friends are just travel mates that, after a while, I must let go, in order to keep a good and healthy memory of them forever and not to let the little tricks of life ruin our experiences together.
I don’t know if I’m right, by the way up to know I’ve been quite lucky. Maybe I’ve had false friends but didn’t realize that… who knows. Teen periodo is deftly the hardest for friendship…
But your point is right! It’s so painful to trust people who don’t deserve it.
No one needs fake friends in their lives. I have gotten rid of all the toxic people in my life so I can be free of negativity.
High school can be brutal at times, I have a 14-year-old and all the drama is awful. I think everyone experiences fake friends throughout their lives, I think as you get older you manage to spot them easier and steer clear xx
Fake friends really suck, and I’m so sorry you had these terrible experiences. They made you who you are though, and you are kicking it right now
Even as an almost 30 year old I find my experiences of fake friends at school still bother me today, I’m so cautious of who I trust these days
I’ve definitely been there when it comes to growing up with fake friends. It’s sad because when you’re young and bullied all you want is friends and you do a lot to stay with those fake friends for fear of being alone so you take anything. But I had to grow out of this. I have no tolerance for fake friends and just awful people. I’m fortunate to have great real friends and once you have that you realize the toxic of others.
I would much rather a few close friends then loads of fake ones! Ps. I love your jeans x
Love your amazing jeans! They are super stylish and I do want to wear the same this spring 😉 With love, Anna & 4Styler team
The problem with fake friends is that they’re there when the times are good but when you really need them, they’re nowhere to be found. Not needed at all.
I seemed to attract an endless number of fake friends when I was little it really was horrible and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I was to soft and too forgiving too though, I am far more selective now.
What an awful experience you had. I too went through similar stuff and I have ended up being a loner in my adult years. I don’t about you now but I still don’t have the confidence to walk in a restaurant and have a meal alone.
Those two girls were such bitches, I hope they have grown into better adults.
Yess honey! I am too compassionate and always want to believe the best in people even though they have shown their true colors and prove to me that they aren’t my real friend. It’s hard to believe in humanity sometimes when you see how people treat other people.
I have definitely encountered fake friends before! Now that I’m in my 30s, I have a good intuition about how people are, and can usually avoid take people.
BTW – Your outfit is super cute!
Nice post. Like what Bebe Rexha said from her go, fake friends come and go, like seasons. We don’t really need them.
Wow great and touching post. I know something about fake friends 🙂
Btw, Love this outfit 😀
Unfortunately my mummy had a lot of fake friends and still does. It’s a shame really as she can see it now. Being strong and recognising the signs helps x
Sorry to hear your story about fake friends. I think the best remedy for these people is to show off the real you! Just be yourself, they’ll definitely hate that.
I think almost everyone has had fake friends at one point or another, it took me many many years before I started distinguishing between real and fake friends.
Sorry about your school (and home) experiences.
I am sorry to hear what you went through. Unfortunately life can’t be so difficult sometimes.
I’m really glad I found your blog this week. You really have a lot of insightful things to say. So true about fake and real friends. I personally struggle a bit on being a real friend. By that I mean it’s hard for me to hurt someone’s feelings. I have a hard time with being brutally honest. 🙂 Great jeans, BTW. Honest.
Ugh this is so true! Fake friends are the WORST. I definitely like to keep my circle small for that reason.
I’ve had my share of fake friends throughout the years and as soon as I reached an age where I was more mature and emotionally stable I was able to let them go. It is so much better for your sanity to have a small circle that loves you and cares for you than a wider social circle of people who are full of s**t. xx
Totally agree with you hun! Unfortunately there are a lot of fakers out there, god knows what makes them act like they do! I would much rather have a handful of genuine friends then a whole lot of fake ones.
Love those jeans 🙂 x
Unfortunately, this has been my situation throughout my life – I’ve always been treated badly by others and I was bullied in primary and secondary school. I was also victimised at university too and in my professional houseshare, and I’ve been treated poorly in previous workplaces. The toxic friendship part is the worst because I’ve attracted a lot of toxic friends in the past. I’ve since ditched them and I am so much happier.
As a result, I don’t have many friends in my life anymore, I only have a select few in my circle. Also, as a result of being treated so badly by the majority of people who have been in my life, I’ve pretty much decided to keep my guard up, keep my distance and spend more time on my own (I’m an introvert). I’ve always had issues connecting with people because of their poor treatment and I am at a stage in my life where I am fed up of being kind to others when I don’t get appreciation in return. As sad as it might sound to some people, I don’t like people very much as a result of my experiences and I have very little faith in humanity. I spend more time in solitude and I am much more content.
Chichi
chichiwrites.com