It was the moment I had been waiting for all my life; acknowledgement that my passion and dedication to writing was proving fruitful. Since I was a little girl writing became the one friend I could turn to that listened to me without judgement. As human beings it seems as though we have automated ‘critique buttons’ that make us constantly undermine the people around us but my pen never did that to me. It taught me to love and loathe in equal measure and gave me the strength to be whole again. But I didn’t always want to write; growing up I had dreams of becoming a singer one minute and the next I believed that teaching was my calling. I used to write from the sidelines as a hobby, cultivated by my love of reading, unaware that writing was the key to me becoming the ‘real me’. Writing allowed me to succeed and triumph beyond anyone’s, least of all mine[s] expectations and it was not until university that I realized who I was. I was always a late bloomer and although writing was an inherent part of my legacy I lacked the self-confidence and esteem to believe in myself.
Blogging gave me the validation that I craved and allowed me to connect with a group of likeminded bloggers who have my back no matter. In virtual or ‘real’ reality these bloggers taught me to appreciate who I am as a writer and to accept that it is not ‘bigheaded’ or ‘boastful’ to admit that I have talent. I always underplayed my writing ability because I was made to believe that it was just a ‘hobby’ I would grow out of and all the journals, the secret letters and stories that were taken from my hands as a child only created a ‘reverse psychology’ process, making me more determined to write in the process. Abused as a child and bullied throughout my teenage years and adult life I was once a broken shell, caught in an imprint of the past and writing was my only way out. Teachers in secondary school read my short stories in shocked silence unsure whether to believe it was a fictional or non-fictional account of my childhood. I changed names but the story was the same and at the time I was hiding multiple secrets that noone knew, not even my closest friends. It used to make me feel ashamed that I had parents who weren’t around and I didn’t want to see the pity etched on their faces. Blogging showed me that I shouldn’t be ashamed of my past because the past taught me to write and share my story with others. Writing is unselfish but at the same time it helped me overcome my fear of trusting others; I had trust issues growing up because my parents abandoned me and my stepmum abused me, I lacked self-confidence because I was told I was worthless and I cried myself to sleep because the bullies made me believe I was ugly.
But that is all over now, the past made me a warrior and I use my pen as a weapon against my haters. I write because it gives me a reason to get up in the morning , I live and breathe words and the faint ink smell pervading the air as I scribble furiously on notepads gives me the satisfaction that only writers know and love. Without writing I don’t think it would be an exaggeration to say I would not be here because it is true. My love of reading and writing combined allowed me to escape the demons of my tormented past and forge a new future where I would win accolades for my works. Winning ‘Best British Blogger’ alongside Luke Christian was a dream come true and living proof that I shouldn’t stop writing, even when the haters burst into my ‘safe space’ with guns a’blazing. I will never let them win and as much as they would love to see me fail that it is never going to happen. I waded through the depths of hell to get to where I am now and it only proves how far I have come since my ‘dark days’ because all dreams can come true. I am living proof that dreams can become your reality and noone even your harshest critics can take away your crowning glory from youWe are all winners, no matter how traumatizing your past is there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. It took me 22 years to recognize that I could be successful and winning Best British Blogger and UK Blogger’s Blogger of The Month only solidifies my claim to a prosperous career. I have stood up with my head held high and acknowledged that we should not ‘underplay’ the talents we were born with because inside all of us is a seed waiting to be planted. Go ahead and plant that seed because the seed will turn into a sapling whose roots are the key to your success. I watch my seed grow day by day getting stronger under the light of positive thinking and the dark figures who haunted my thoughts have faded away. No more nightmares and cold sweats in the middle of the night only an assertion of blossoming self-belief that puts a smile on my face. It is strange because I never thought that ‘seeking validation’ would be a positive trait of mine but working hard for my craft and getting credit for it can never be a bad thing can it?
I work day and night to pay the bills but there is a fire under my arse, the long hours I work to be able to live only make me more determined to become a full time blogger and that is a sentiment I am sure Luke agrees with too. Bloggers are more than just writers but photographers, creators, influencers, marketers, strategists and entrepreneurs who juggle several occupations to keep themselves afloat but we would not have it any other way. Is there a new life waiting for us at the other side of the dung heap? Perhaps, perhaps our 12 hour days and 24/7 blogging stints might never get us awards or monetary value but all that matters is that we are sharing our craft with future generations and teaching them to appreciate blogging as a true art form. I want there to be an age where blogging is seen as a valuable job, where we are not mocked by our peers for ‘playing at our hobbies’ because blogging is so much more than that. I live, breathe and I will eternally rest as a blogger and nothing can stop me from living my lifelong dream.
Do you believe that us bloggers deserve more recognition and what are your thoughts on me winning ‘Best British Blogger’?
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