Women who like younger men get typecast as ‘cougars’ looking for their ‘toyboy playmate’ while men who like younger women are seen as ‘legends’ who can get ‘young attractive women’ with their suave, silver fox looks. The paradox between the two genders shows that women who are attracted to younger guys are seen in a negative light, whereas men are praised for doing the same, because for some bullshit reason ‘women should date men their own age’. And don’t even get me started on the attitudes towards women or men who are attracted to ‘someone older’ , who are categorized as ‘just in it for money’, ‘golddiggers’ or in some cases to ‘boost their status and position in society’. Age shouldn’t matter when it comes to relationships, but unfortunately in our society we are conditioned into believing that ‘dating’ , specifically ‘online dating’ has a ‘cut off point’ , where anyone over a certain age i.e. 40’s – 50’s does not deserve a chance to find love. And for women it’s even sooner; imagine my incredulous reaction when I read a tweet about Laura a ‘current Love Island Contestant’ who is 29, dating ‘Wes’ a 20 year old man. The tweet simply said ‘Why is this old lady on the show. If she wants to find a ‘husband’ there are plenty of old men online’. Isn’t it ludicrous that people think ’29’ is a cut off point for women, because lord forbid they be allowed to be single at that age. I mean come on, why aren’t you married and having kids already? Boy bye.
Even my own experiences as a 24 year old woman has been marred by societal expectations. I have always been attracted to guys that are older than me- and have only dated someone younger than me once- and the average age gap is usually 9 years. To me an age gap, whether the guy is 28 or 40, is no big deal as ‘age shouldn’t matter’ when you meet someone you connect with, but to others who make comparisons to me ‘dating’ or being ‘attracted’ to ‘old men’ (dude since when is a guy who is 32 or 34 old?) , I find it pretty disrespectful. You shouldn’t assume that women who are attracted to older men are ‘in it for the money’ just as you shouldn’t make faces at men who like older women, because at the end of the day, we are all entitled to finding love, regardless of whether you are 20 or 50. It’s like I always say, I will never settle for anything less than true ‘chemistry’ in a relationship and am quite happy to wait until I find the right person, just as much as I applaud anyone who finds the one they want to call their beau, regardless of how old that person that might be. I remember a reader asking me a question in regards to ‘online dating’ that struck me so vividly… they asked me how ‘old was too old’ and what they meant by that is what age would I consider someone to be too old for me to date, and the truth is, we should never put an age limit on dating, because your perfect soulmate could be someone that you find at 50 and that is the God’s honest truth.
I remember when I worked as a community nurse and one particular scene touched my heart; a lady of 70 years old who had suffered a stroke, was being hoisted into bed, by me and another nurse, and despite the pain she was clearly in, when her husband, a 55 year old man came into the room, you could almost read the emotion and love in her eyes, even when the rest of her body was frozen. And when her partner came and squeezed her hand, it took all my strength to not tear up, because they were a prime example of why age shouldn’t matter, because unconditional love triumphs all. Which leads me to my next point; it’s time that we created a positive discourse around ‘online dating’ and de-stigmatized the notion that an ‘age gap’ is ‘disgusting’ or ‘dis-genuine’ because I know plenty of couples and partners-same sex and opposite sex- who still fancy each other just as much as they did when they first met, so we are wrong to follow our ‘pre-conceived notions’ when they are so clearly contrived. After all, let us look at online dating sites like ‘Tinder’ and ‘Bumble’ which seem so clearly catered to a ‘younger generation’, when dating should not be so ‘exclusive’, whereas even ‘dating events’ that claim to move beyond the ‘swipe right and swipe left ‘ concept, still ‘pigeonhole dating’ in age groups, without taking into account A. the older generation i.e. 40’s and overs and B. the fact that many singletons are attracted to people that are younger or older than them, and that’s ok.
I want to reinforce the idea of a positive dating experience for older singletons- whether it be because of divorce or simply dipping their toes into the dating pool at an older age- I can honestly, hand on my heart say that it is never too late to find love. The saying goes that there is a soulmate out there for all of us, but in my mind, we might all have more than one soulmate, so even after a divorce, or a separation from your partner, don’t be discouraged to date again. Just remember to take your time and don’t settle for someone who is not worth your attention. Even if you go on a dating site and do not find love, meeting a wide variety of people- whether that be older or younger than you- can also allow you to make friendships, which in a world that is conditioned by loneliness and isolation, can be a gratifying mercy indeed. Let us break down that wall and leap over that barrier, because when it comes to online dating, age shouldn’t matter and that is a fact. There are dating sites to suit all tastes; whether you are looking for dating sites for over 50’s, ‘sugar mummy dating sites (Although I don’t really like that term, some women do define themselves as open to ‘sugar baby’ relationships ) or anything else, never feel ashamed of being attracted to someone who might be outside of the supposed societal rules and guidelines. After all we have our own free will, so if you are a divorced Dad of 60, looking for a younger woman that is ok, just as it is ok for a younger guy to be looking for an older woman to have a relationship with. We all have our kinks.
I should also point out why we shouldn’t be so quick to judge those who are older, from going on dating sites, because why shouldn’t they be able to access ‘love or lust’, why should someone’s age be a hindrance for them finding the one? I mentioned earlier that I am usually attracted to guys who are older than me, but I have a friend who is in her 30’s and attracted to men who are younger and I completely support her in all her dating choices, because as she quite rightly said ‘ age is just a number. But chemistry is everything’. And she is completely right, while I might date older guys because I find them more attractive, less likely to play the field (which is a myth they can be total players too) and more mature, my friend will often meet guys on nights out, and she likes that she is able to have fun and have a laugh, even though she is just as frustrated as me that we keep being attracted to the wrong people, who are definitely not worth our time (AKA Fuckboys) . What I am trying to say is that often we feel like we have to ‘do things by a certain age’ because the people around us are all happily married and having children, when that is not the case. Whether it be going to university at a later age, chasing your dream job when you are older or even joining online dating sites, age shouldn’t matter regardless of the circumstances. Because you are worthy of love, never forget that.
What Are Your Thoughts On Online Dating At An Older Age?
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I think it’s really nice that you’re posting this. Love has no limits and that includes age. We shouldn’t judge people for dating who they want to date. Age shouldn’t matter even when you didn’t meet online. It’s all about finding that person you connect with and can picture sharing a life with.
I really don’t care about age gaps, my husband is 10 years older than me and we are the perfect match! Don’t think people should be thinking about that when dating!
You’re right, age doesn’t really matter. But in my case, I would not date a guy who is older than me by maybe 10 years. A five year gap would be just right for me. But that’s just me. Anyway, my husband is the same age as me and although they say women should have older men as partners, I think I hit the jackpot with my husband 😀
I totally agree that age should not matter online nor in our society when it comes to love. However, there is still a double standard that exists and one must have ‘thick skin’ to proceed in what society deems as inappropriate. I love the story when you were a community nurse and the 70-year-old woman with her 55-year-old mate expressed the love that was true. That is something that would make me tear up, as well, and who are we, as a society to deny someone that right? It happens all of the time, but kudos to those that are not politically correct and do live life according to their own rules. (fb name: Addie Cotoure)
This was a very interesting and refreshing read ! For us , there is no age limit to date… everyone needs a companion … for all you know you may just find someone to connect with !
I think life phase is a much bigger indicator of compatability than age alone. If you’re having similar experiences and have similar goals and values, that’s a foundation for a strong relationship going forward! My sister met someone 15 years her senior in grad school and they’re a wonderful couple.
Also, there’s a reason male movie stars often hit their prime in their 30’s/40’s and even 50’s. It’s a good-looking age for many men! 🙂
As they say, age is just a number and it’s true because age really doesn’t matter at all and yes there is nothing wrong with dating someone who is elder or younger than you.
I completely agree! you are never too old to find love. And in this era online dating is everything. And in regards to age gaps my brother is 31 this year and his girlfriend is 50. I think it completely depends on individuals and their maturity levels etc…
Very well said. I also think love should not be bounded by some random figures of age. Online dating trends are anyways going high.
It’s so true, age when dating is yet another of these situations and pressures from society to conform to some sort of standard. It’s so wrong. It should only be about the connection.
You are absolutely right, age is just a number and should not stop someone from finding love no matter what their age or their partner’s age is. And I certainly don’t think that 29 is old!
This should totally be our next topic of discussion at a bar when we meet :))
Haha gurllll you have no idea how much we need to catch up on! I miss you xxx
The age doesn’t matter, of course. If you are doing this online, try to get a little help from someone who knows about surfing online would be a great idea!
I have been watching a program on TV called Bride and Prejudices which focuses on families who are unhappy with the partners their children have chosen and one included a girl who was marrying someone almost the age of her grandfather. I think it’s your own personal choice who you date and as long as nothing untoward is going on it’s no one else’s business.
There’s no age restriction for dating. There shouldn’t be a restriction for online dating either, just make sure you have someone who knows about web surfing to make things easier:)
I love this Ana. Love is love, it’s as simple as that. Have I ever had a large age gap relationship? No, but not because I am against it, just because the people I have met have been a similar age.
This is just another example of women being shamed no matter what we do. If we date younger than us we’re cougars and if we date older we’re sugar babies. It’s so lame! My parents have a 26-year age gap and they’re one of the happiest couples I’ve ever seen.
Loved this post! #boybye honestly, people need to mind their business. We, male, female, whatever should be able to do as they please!
the sad part is that even I judge myself about this 🙁 or society does. thank you for addressing this issue. I felt quite relieved and content after reading it
Great post and very inspiring. We have a saying “Age doesn’t matter as long as there’s a love and passion on it”.
Age should not matter in a relationship. My Great Aunt was 20 years older than her husband and they were married for over 50 years
Yeah sure, love doesn’t have any age. Nevertheless I believe that 10 years are already the limit otherwise you just fall in love on the sexual basis or into the energy of the young person, reminding you of being young again but you won’t be able to keep up anymore. And the question is from what age does it count 16, 18, 20 etc? Can you specify it genderwise? So many questions are coming with this topic!
Thank you for posting this article. My husband is 10 years older than me but we get along pretty fine. It is a learning experience for both of us. He, being a history buff loves telling me all stories about what happened when he was growing up. I love teaching him about newer tech stuff that he finds hard to grasp. 🙂 Age is just a number. We are humans, not statistics.
I think she gaps are irrelevant. People should date who they want and they do but society should not judge x
I do agree that age is just a number but I do think that if the gap is too much you’re at different stages of your life and it can be tough to build something long lasting (although not impossible) x
so true. I believe that age is just a number and it doesn’t matter who you fall in love with
I agree, age shouldn’t matter and hello its already 2018!
But in my experience, its easy to get a decent date (of course hooked-up) via online. Less complications.
So true! Why is it different for men and women? An older man is a silver fox, while an older woman is just… old? So unfair!
Age definitely doesn’t matter! You can have a loving relationship with someone of any age and it shouldn’t bother anyone. Love is love!
I totally agree with you. My wife is 4 years older than me and I don’t care what people think.
We completely agree with you – age shouldn’t matter when it comes to finding love. As a society we are very stuck in our ways and this is one of the very last taboos that need to be addressed x
I had the opposite experience. I was mostly seen with younger men and I married a person 10 years older than me. And we are fantastic! There are no rules when it comes to love!
Totally agree with age not being important. They are someone for everyone in my opinion and 2 times I have seen that is with my brother ( he is 7 years older than his fiance) and my mum is married to my stepdad who is 15 years older.
Yup age doesn’t matter. Age is just a number. Love is not about the age ❤️❤️❤️
I’m a firm believer that age isn’t the biggest factor, it’s about connection and love when it comes to relationships. My dad is actually starting to go back into the dating scene and it’s been a learning process for him, especially as he not in his 20s or 30s. The last thing people over 40 need is stigmatisms society tries to place on what and how they should date.
Oh my days, I love those boots!And definitely age is just a number!
I really find it so hard to believe that people are so busy making rules for loving someone. I mean it is something that just happens and can’t be controlled. When there is already so much hatred in the world, people should allow others to love and live in harmony.
Age is just a number and I agree that age should not matter. Everyone is worthy of love.
A great thought-provoking post as usual. Really enjoyed this. I certainly have been challenged about the topic of age and dating. I believe if you guys share the same values, respect and love one another then go for it (well in moderation, let the guy be out of secondary school! haha). And yes timing, everyone’s path is different we should not compare our lives or dating preferences to others. God made is differently and has a unique plan for us all! Exciting stuff
Ana i couldn’t agree more with you on this! I find age to be an absolutely ridiculous thing, you are just as old as you think and feel and that means if you connect with someone age is useless!! Wonder why the society as you mentioned loves a man liking a young or younger woman and does not love a women who likes a younger man!! Or a girl if she likes a much older man!!!
I definitely agree with the double-standards of societal views on age gaps in romantic relationships. Regardless, even if someone doesn’t agree with another person’s choices, they have no right to outwardly comment in a disrespectful manner.
For me, I never worry about age, I’m old. But yes ,ever since I was young I always preferred an older guy, I honestly do not know why people make such a big deal out of it.
Those who love deeply never grow old; they may die of old age, but they die young. A very famous quote from Benjamin Franklin. Love and aging are bever related. The society has many examples where two people have a vast gap in terms of ages but still are in deep love.
In as much as she doesn’t matter, the society is usually so quick to judge us which is obviously not nice since as many agree, love should not be restricted by age issues. An dgood thing is that nowadays, people are no dating and even getting married no matter their age gaps.
I love this boots socks combination! Age is defo just a number 🙂 x
I couldn’t agree more. You’re raising a few interesting issues here Ana, and I wholeheartedly share your opinion: people have to stop judging, labelling or making assumptions. Love has no age, barriers, frontiers or colour.
You made so many great points! And these are especially true as you get older.
I completely agree! Love is love and age shouldn’t have any impact on that. I find it so frustrating how women in particular are labelled in relationships like this.
Love can’t be caged and restricted. Who cares about age? My bf is almost 10 years older. I can’t imagine me with anyone else he is the absolute love of my life. I never even think about our age difference. Although yesterday while he took me out flying the other pilot did ask if I was his daughter or girlfriend. We got a giggle out of that.
The thing is the stereotypes stick because the gold-diggers and cougars but it out there they need that attention that comes with their title whereas majority of the genuine ones keep their relationship between two people. I met my current partner online and 2 kids 7 years and a proposal, still going strong he is younger by 2 years.
I am an ‘older’ lady – at 47 I have been online dating for a little while now. I have been seeing someone for a month and really believe I have found someone special. Kaz
I totally agree. We worry too much about menial things such as age but this is irrelevant if the couple get on well. There is 8 years difference between myself and my hubby and that seems to work for us.
Age is but a number, I agree … love is love at the end of the day and if people fall in love then people should cherish it.
Is there is a real connection based on true love the age should not be a concern. I am currently 43 and my girl 33. As long as it is not obvious like a man being 60 and the girl 18 which is the ideal for the men going on these European/Asian romance tours. Still it is an interesting topic indeed.