My memories of wearing false eyelashes are to this day bittersweet. Although the first and second time that I wore false lashes made me feel like a movie star, it was the third and final time that made me feel scared to give false lashes another go. Fast forward to July 2015 and I was getting ready for my graduation ceremony. I had overslept and had 30 minutes to not only get dressed but to get my make up and hair done. I was stressed to the max and was worried that A. I was going to be late and B. I was going to be a raggedy mess.
I glanced down at the fake eyelashes that lay waiting on my bed and convinced myself to give them a go again. After all how hard could it be to put on the lashes myself? Except my hands were shaking and I was feeling sick; not because of the lashes but because the day I would collect my degree was here and I was scared that I was going to look as crap as I felt. I was battling sickness at the time, which meant that every little action was nauseating and it took all my strength to not throw up there and then. My ex friend A. had arrived and I asked her whether I should put on the fake eyelashes, seeing as I was too sick to make a rational decision myself.
Eventually she put on my fake eyelashes and while I cringed at what I saw in the mirror I had no choice but to make a run for it, otherwise I was going to be late for my graduation ceremony. My name was called and I collected my certificate, feeling deflated rather than elated. I had no idea what was going on but the day was about to get worse. As we took our family photos I remember looking at them with horror and disgust. This wasn’t me, I had no idea who this girl was and it was scaring me to look into her eyes. It wasn’t just the false lashes that didn’t look right but me, I didn’t like how I appeared in the photos and was upset that I had been captured in that light. Regular readers know that the memory of my graduation is not a happy one; from backstabbing fake friends to malicious emails from work, coupled with ill health I left my graduation ceremony feeling shaken when I should have been on top of the world.
I couldn’t shake myself out of the funk and while my health is much better and my confidence has approved, there is still a part of me that is scared to try fake eyelashes again. I am scared not ‘how they will look’ but of the memories that they will bring back. It seems weird to say that something so simple and as small as fake eyelashes can have such an impact on my life but the truth is that remembering myself in that moment does not bring back good memories. That being said, it has nearly been two years and I am ready to move on with my life. I want to be able to try on fake eyelashes again and not be scared of the memories that will come flooding back. I want to be able to find the right pair of lashes to make me feel more confident in photos and not worry that my eyes look too small but most of all I want to erase all the bad that came with wearing the lashes last time and replace them with positive memories.
I want to wear lashes again to remind myself how far I have come since I wore those ‘fated lashes’ , to prove that I can conquer my past and how I will let nothing cloud my judgement, even if the lashes were worn at a time where I felt like I was on a cliffs edge. My point being is that lashes became a symbol of ‘negativity’ and ‘depression’ but it shouldn’t have to be. When I see my favourite drag queens glue on their fake lashes, I see them grow in confidence as they prepare to perform. When beauty bloggers put on their lashes in their vlog tutorials, they are practically glowing in confidence and when I will put those lashes on, it be a fourth time coming but it certainly wont be my last.
Question is will I have the courage to try fake lashes again?
Have You Ever Tried Fake Eyelashes?
Please note I was compensated for this post but this does not affect my opinions and all thoughts are my own. Should you have any queries surrounding my disclosure policy please contact me using the form provided.
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