It seems like only yesterday that I started blogging; becoming a blogger was an unfulfilled dream of mine that I knew would be the stepping stone to a bigger and brighter future. Sure I was academic and book smart but I knew that I was creative too and I wanted to share that passion with the whole world. What started as a personal style blog evolved into so much more and for many readers it became an honest haven where they could be free to be themselves without judgement or condemnation. As I broadened my content, my role as a fashion blogger developed and I became a fully fledged writer who was confident enough to share her vision, her passion but most of all her story with the world. Yes I could put an outfit together, critique articles and write essays but what else could I do? I used to write diaries as a child but stopped half way through my teens because people would read my stories and it made me feel vulnerable and exposed. Yet when I started blogging I realized that what I had been through past, present and future might help another reader to find the strength and courage to be themselves.
So I did it, I wrote personal diary entries alongside my fashion and lifestyle content and it proved to be wildly popular. My personal diaries ranged from detailing my struggles with depression and anxiety to having the confidence to live out my dreams when I had lived much of my life with fear. While I might have held back as a child, now as a twenty three year old adult I had nothing to lose and the whole world was going to know it. I was abused as a child by my step mum, bullied as a child right through to adulthood and had crippling perception of self that led to a disorder known as body dysmorphia, something I struggled with for a while but never acknowledged until recently. Starting a blog was honestly the best decision I ever could have made and not only has it shown me how much I have been through but it opened my eyes to a new world of creativity where other talented writers and visual artists come together in perfect harmony.
Blogging made me realize how difficult running my own business was but everyday there was a new reward waiting to be claimed and I loved it. I loved the freedom, I loved the creativity and above all I loved the community. They say that blogging is a cut-throat industry and to some extent they are right. I had trolls send me horrible messages on social media and on my blog but I never paid them any mind, they were just keyboard warriors after all and couldn’t hurt me. But some went for the kill, bloggers that I knew in groups came for me because they were hungry for their next kill. I was told my content was rubbish and that they didn’t like it, I shouldn’t have let it bother me but it did. It bothered me because these people to my face had been sweet as pie but decided I was no longer worth their praise and decided to turn the other cheek. It was upsetting but there was light in the darkness; I found a community who would bend over backwards to help you make it in the industry, I found love and hope during dark days and a sense of unison that would seem forced if it wasn’t so obviously real.
Blogging was more than just an occupation or a hobby, it was my life and something regardless of monetary credit that I would do for the ‘love of loving’ and not the ‘love of money’. By day I do a job that I dislike because it pays the bills but in the quiet hollows of the night where the world is still I hear the tip-tap of the keyboard as I pummel it with my passionate words, imprinting my message in every sentence. Tomorrow will be a new day and back to work I go but for now my keyboard remains attached to my fingers, bleeding out creativity like its my very lifeblood. And in a way it is, without blogging I don’t know if I would still be here. When I was sick during my third year of university I felt low and weak, too tired to go on, even after I had graduated with a fantastic BA degree. Starting a blog was not a passion but a necessity and slowly I watched myself rise from the ashes like a Phoenix and it was magical.
In August I celebrated my first year as a blogger and the floodgates opened. So much had happened in one year that this will be the one year that I will remember for the rest of my life. I graduated, won two awards for my blog, lost two angels, met best blogger buddies and continued to live out my dreams without being told what to do. There was the good, the bad and the ugly but I never gave up on my blog, even when others had lost their confidence in me. I was never a quitter and I wasn’t planning to be now even if the odds were stacked against me. But something changed, I began to lose my passion and instead of enjoying my blog I would get frustrated. I wasn’t necessarily churning out content that I wasn’t happy with and in fact my posts were better than ever, it was something I had grappled with from the beginning and it was becoming far more evident as time went on.
But what happened? Tune in Next Week to find out.
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