‘Wounded hearts in mournful symphony, Soft spoken caresses like daggers to the heart,Hearts a-breaking in untimed unison, Fresh salted tears falls into grit and torture,Red puffy eyes no more, Smiles all round its a new year, Freshly picked optimism in a bed of blossoming roses, Friends a-laughing and chuckling with glee, For we may be single this year but who cares?
For so many years I let myself be mistreated and abused simply because I thought I had done something wrong. I put up with name calling, physical abuse and bullying because I didn’t know my own self worth. I despised who I was and being in a relationship or a friendship with an abuser/ bully felt like the norm to me because I didn’t know any better. I was trapped in a downward spiral to the bottom and I thought that the only way I could feel better was to ‘look’ as though I was popular or have a boyfriend because I didn’t want to be the only woman left standing. So I settled for second best, in my love life, friendship and engaging with peers outside of my social circle I let myself be seen as the butt of the jokes and laughed at their pet names for me and tried not to mind when I knew that guys were only after one thing. I was so naive and young but I know better now that I am worth more than second best and what is why I am happy to be single this Valentines day.
I have never been lucky in love or been swept off my feet in a fairytale romance. Instead the order of the day has been stalkers, obsessive exes and being used to gratify their own pleasure rather than a relationship based on the bond between two soulmates. But do I yearn for that kind of love? Maybe, all I have ever wanted was to love and be loved in return but I have never been in love. At the age of 22 there was times when I thought I was madly in love but those heart-aching emotions were turned to ashes within a few months. I have never been in love because I have never allowed myself to be. I am repressed and mentally damaged after a tulmotous childhood and those naggling fears about the way I look and how I appear in the eyes of others have been detrimental to me shutting off and not showing who I really am. But there is always time for change and I know that someday my heart will heal and learn to love again.
My last two proper relationships ended quite abruptly;my last boyfriend cheated on me with five other girls and his excuse was that he was ‘high’ on magic mushrooms and ‘didn’t know what he was doing. A close friend of mine at the time told me that the ex had cheated on me with five other girls but when I confronted the ex about it he only admitted to one person who he was good friends with and they just ‘had a laugh’ which as you can imagine is a euphemism for sex. I was hurt nevertheless, especially since it seemed to drive home how unloveable I was when it hadn’t been the first time that it had happened to me. The boyfriend before was charming at first but we were two completely different people- I had ambition he didn’t, I was a social butterfly and he was a recluse and the gap between us seemed to widen as the relationship grew. I was in love with the idea of being in love with him but not in love and as harsh as that seems there is a reason. He didn’t make an effort and towards the end of the relationship just wanted to stay home and be intimate whereas I wanted him to hang out with my friends. I began to see that he was using me for sex and my friends told me that I should dump him and that is when it turned nasty. When I dumped him he still tried to persuade me to go home with him but I was not having any of it. What followed was a series of poems that he had written about me and messages that implored me to come back to him. As a way of getting back at me he started messaging my two best friends at the time who were underage and tried to get them to meet up with him and have sex. I told them to block him but one of them didn’t and continued to message him ( she was 14) but thankfully nothing transpired (to my knowledge). He began stalking me and my friends but noone believed me because his mum was best friends with my aunty. Even to this day his mum still sends me birthday and christmas gifts and I believe it is because he has asked her too.
So with my bad relationship history should it come as a surprise that I am happy to be single? At 22 years of age I have no intentions of settling down yet despite my fierce independence many of my friends are surprised and even confused that I want to be my own and I quote ‘ Ana needs to find a boyfriend’. I don’t need to find anyone, yes I have been alone for a while but it does not bother me in the slightest and I intend to keep it that way. If love happens to come along then I will grab it with open arms but for now the single life becomes me and I am glad that I am not tied down to anyone this Valentines day. This Valentines day is about loving who I am and cherishing that I have the strength to overcome anything and for us singletons practicing self-love is an essential part of our Valentines traditions. So while most of my friends have love to give others I need to give back love to myself and in turn I will learn to love again.
What are your thoughts? Are you single or taken this Valentines day?
Oh girl, you are absolutely stunning and deserve to be in a relationship with someone that treats you way better! I think sometimes it is great to take a break though to learn to love yourself without anyone else’s help. That kind of love will stay with you.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being single, and I think it is very healthy to love being by yourself and putting yourself first. If and when the right person comes along then that is just a bonus, but your happiness does not have to depend on another person.
The right person will come along when you least expect it, honestly I really do believe that it was fate when myself and my husband first met x
I’m so sorry to hear about your bad history with relationships 🙁
I am in a relationship, for 8 years now. We are basically married!
I love love your skirt, where did you get it?
Your a very beautiful person inside and out you will in time find your Mr Right someone who will treat you with the up-most respect, someone who will love you and treat you the way you deserve to be treated xx
Very open post, I think you’re still young and sometimes dating ourselves are what we may need more but I’m glad you’ve come to a realisation. TBH when I was involved with someone, valentine’s day bypassed me mentally lol – it’s great that others like to celebrate it but I think you can show your love anytime.
Sorry to hear about your bad luck with guys so far! You just do you and the right one will come along when you least expect it 🙂
I’m so sorry you had to go through such horrible relationship experiences. Being happy single is a great situation to be in – hope you spend this V-Day treating yourself with the love you deserve!
Those boots are amazing! I will be single this Valentine’s Day unless a miracle happens!
I truly think that you are wise beyond your years, and that the heartache you have encountered at your young age has given you that wisdom. It is never easy to deal with so much abuse and even worse to try and overcome it, but I have faith that you will find what your heart truly desires when the time is right. I had to kiss many frogs before I found my prince at the ripe age of 28, so there is definitely time. xx
There’s nothing wrong with being single – I spend most of my 20’s single on Valentine’s Day and honestly had a great time! x
We’re not really Valentine’s Day people, but I’ve never understood the pressure to be in a relationship for Valentines… it’s no different to any other time. Good for you lady!
I’m single and i like it. I don’t do traditional relationships and hate valentines day. I’m not a romantic and also have another good reason for hating it
It’s never easy to deal with relationships like this, I think it’s great that you had the strength to walk away while some women wouldn’t and just deal with it as it is. It’s nice to stay single for the right reasons, it will give you more time to improve as well.
You are not unloveable and the horrible past experiences you’ve had are no reflection on you, they’re going to merely prove how good a relationship can be when you find someone special. x
In my opinion it is better to be single than to be with a wrong person. I’m sorry you haven’t had much luck in your relationships and as much as I believe everyone needs that special someone in their life at some point, it will happen when it happens, no need to feel pressured about it – being single is not bad and sometimes it’s exactly what we need to discover who we are.
At 22 you’re still enjoying life, and I think for me in hindsight settling down into a long term relationship can actually hinder loads of great opportunities or days/nights out and connecting with people and working on friendships. Isn’t it funny as well that you associate valentines with being in a couple.. I always found it more fun when I was single lol. x
Ana you are just so gorgeous and such a beautiful person! You deserve a person who is just as beautiful as you!
Self love is by far the most important of all. Love is out there and it will come to you at the right time, never lose hope!!
You will meet someone when the time is right, there’s no rush, you’re 22 and beautiful, enjoy being single.
I feel your pain with unfortunate relationships from the past. Never feel bad about spending Valentines Day single .. those have been some of my favorites.
I loved being single on Valentines Day, I would go out with my friends and just have a laugh. Relationships seem so focused on showing the other person you love them enough when the day comes around, so forced! You are so beautiful Ana, don’t you ever forget that. You’ll find someone who is worth all your worth one day, and like my older sister always says ‘when you know, you know’ xx
Good for you! I’m not the biggest fan of Valentine’s Day, such a commercial commodity. Self love is everything!
Valentine’s Day is about love, not about a boyfriend. So what if you are single? You can still spoil yourself, take a pampering bath, buy yourself a nice box of chocolates and a bouquet of flowers. Enjoy a glass of wine and watch a cheesie movie. You are only 22, love will come. You still have wounds to heal and that takes time. You need to learn to trust again and that’s not easy. But until then, all you can do is to love yourself. That’s the first step.
I’ve never celebrated Valentin’es day to be honest. I don’t see the point in it – whether I’ve been with a partner or not.
I must admit that you look absolutely stunning on these photos! ;))
You will find the perfect person soon. Enjoy your single days. They would be gone soon.
I’m single for sure for this Valentine’s day. But I don’t think you will be single by then, Ana!
You’ve got plenty of time to find love, or love to find you when you least expect it 🙂 Enjoy Valentines Day this year xx sometimes its nice being single 😉 x
Women, who LOVE independence and responsibility for their own lives… sometimes prefer FREEDOM! I hope I didn’t write anything wrong!
Do what is right for you. Your still so young as well and have plenty of time for a relationship if and when your ready.
I’m not one for celebrating valentines day although I’m taken. I don’t see the need to rush into relationships or always have need for a partner. I think it’s best to just see how things go and you never know, you may find someone you never even imagined being your other half!
There is nothing wrong in being single, you are absolutely right in waiting for the right person that will treat you with respect.
Sometimes being single is good rather than being with the wrong person. You’ll meet a right man some day in your life. So, enjoy your time now!