There was a time when I thought I was a lost cause; used and abused I had lost faith in men and eventually in relationships. I was happy for a while and told myself that I didn’t need a man to make me happy. When friends told me that I ‘needed to find someone’ I shrugged them off and said that no man was going to make my life complete as only I had the power to gain life satisfaction. And it was true, never have I believed that it was wrong to be single and I still don’t, in fact it is perfectly normal. Women seem to be labelled spinsters before their time and I am noticing that the older I get, the more that society seems to think there is something inherently wrong with me. I mean how dare I be living the single life and not be tied down to some guy I barely know… Except there is one little tiny snag, when I laugh off not wanting to find a guy and being ‘perfectly happy on my own’ I am in fact lying to myself, lamenting the trials and tribulations of being a girl who is unlucky in love. I just don’t know if it stems out of loneliness or is a genuine want to find a relationship. To be honest I have always been unlucky in love and over the years my ‘metaphorical wall’ has got higher and higher until it became a prison of my own making. When I am complimented I shrug it off and when I like someone I pretend they don’t exist. It makes me sound like a heartless bitch but truth is I am scared of getting hurt, ultimately I am scared of rejection. I despise being made to feel like a failure and when I think that I guy could never like me back I go straight into that mindset without a second thought.
Recently I met this guy who in my own words was my dream man; he was blonde, blue eyed and had looks that could kill. Best of all I was actually his type and much to my surprise I made the first move. You see earlier this year I worked with him only to never see him again until by chance months later. It was an omen I believed, a lucky omen that told me I couldn’t let him get away again. So I went forth with brave heart and secured a date much to my surprise but ever the realist I was convinced he would never text, except I was wrong. He texted within hours and it was a text with promise, or so I thought. But the conversation seemed a little stilted after that and I was convinced that he would stand me up. I was wrong again and he looked even better than I had remembered with that roguish twinkle in his eye we went into the cutest little cafe you could imagine. The date or rather the meet-up went far better than I expected and we didn’t stop laughing, nor did the conversation stop flowing. Time went by at the drop of a hat and when the time came to leave I lingered a little longer. This guy had quite literally bared his soul to me and told me things that I wasn’t sure he had told anyone else. It got me thinking, perhaps I wasn’t as unlucky in love as I once thought.
He was a complicated guy with issues but I like a challenge and quite in opposition to his perception of me I was able to handle his confession with open warmth and understanding. I admired his honesty and was a little shamefaced that I wasn’t brave enough to bare my own skeletons in the closet. I told him a few things of course but I didn’t tell him the story that I wanted noone to know. I kept making hints to meet up again but he would deftly bring the conversation onto safer ground. I couldn’t tell whether he was shy or just not that into me, and being the compulsive thinker that I was, the only thought that sprung to mind was there she is, the girl who is unlucky in love. It was a little unsettling to say the least but nevertheless the giddy ‘schoolgirl’ feeling I felt showed that I liked him at least. I couldn’t stop thinking about him and due to my anxiety I can become obsessive, as the thoughts whirl incessantly in my mind. I remember going on a dinner date with one of my good friends and she told me to stop being pessimistic. Her positive outlook almost convinced me that he would want to meet me again. Except I have been through this shit enough times to know how this merry-go-round works. I am the girl that never seems to get the guy, end of story.
I am a realist and deep down despite our chemistry I thought that he didn’t see me in that way and I think I am right. At the moment I don’t know the whole truth, the only thing is I like a guy that doesn’t seem to be that into me but I like him. It just seems to be my luck, the one time I actually make a move and the guy ghosts me out. He didn’t have to say yes if he didn’t like me like that but maybe I am just overthinking things as usual. He hasn’t done anything wrong and neither have I but I don’t know what will happen next and I think that scares me. I am to scared to ask him directly whether he actually likes me because I am worried the answer is already pre-determined, I am worried it will be a no and I am not sure how much more rejection I can take right now. It’s kind of weird because he seems to be a completely different person in text, one who I have to push to make conversation yet in person there seems to be no barrier. I don’t really know what to do but I know that its making my anxiety go through the roof and when I am in this obsessive state of mind, time seems to go still. It’s been so long since I have felt this strongly about someone and I barely know the guy. Could this girl, the Queen of being unlucky in love get the guy? Yet I feel that in one way we are kindred spirits, maybe it wouldn’t be corny to say that I see a bit of myself in him. We are both damaged souls but maybe just maybe I am not what he needs right now. I just feel humiliated again and I don’t know why…
Have You Ever Been Unlucky In Love?
Wow… Ana. Again, I can completely relate to this. I am struggling to tell this guy I like him when I know he likes me but won’t tell me directly. And when he tries to get there he pulls back. I just wish he would do something about it. But like your story, we are both damaged in love. I have gotten to the point that I go back and forth about love and if I meant for it. I now feel less alone.
Heart breaking but inspirational at the same time.
Thank you for sharing!
Ah bless you, it is a horrible time the dating game. I hope it works out for you and as cliche as it sounds, if this one doesn’t work out then it is for a reason.
I’m so sorry Ana. Dating is not as easy as it used to be. I was hoping by the end of the post to hear that you guys had hit it off and were still going out but it wasn’t meant t be. The strange thing is that most people find someone when they least except too.
Sometimes the mind games (even the ones you have in your own head) are stressful aren’t they? Frustrating and confusing! I sympathise with the feelings you’ve had. I think we’ve all been there at some point…
Dating can always be a bit ‘hit and miss’, but don’t give up! I found love through an online dating site and I think it’s sometimes much easier because people get the chance to explain what they are looking for right at the start. I hope you find what you are looking for soon! 🙂
That is such a horrible situation to be in and I know how you feel. I have been on so many first dates and then been ghosted by the guy that I’ve lost count. I tend to fall for people quite quickly which can make things even more painful. You will find someone who loves you for you! x
Well, from a guys point of view (which might be prejudiced because I have been happily married to my high school sweetheart for over 45 years) I believe you know when you meet “the one.” If you think he is that person, go for it.
I have been unlucky in love all my life! I am single now, contemplating dating again, but can’t face it! Good Luck – you are young and a beautiful soul, things will work out however they are meant to. Kaz x
Such a relatable post, it’s so hard to know what men are thinking! I hope this all works out for you, Ana 🙂
I find what you’ve said here so relatable! All my friends keep telling me to find someone even though I’m happy being single and very much focussing on my career! I’m terrible with dating and as soon as a guy shows any interest in me I freak out and end things!
I have been unlucky in love so many times I have lost count. This guy was obviously not the right one for you! x
I think your right to enjoy being single, I wish I had made more of the time I didn’t have to compromise and think of someone else. Rejection is one of the scariest things though, and difficult to rationalise, I wish I could just let those feelings go, You will meet someone, and just take it in your stride. Be comfortable in your own skin, as you are a gorgeous girl inside and out
Oh how I have related to this in my life… Until I met my current boyfriend. We have now been dating for 4 months and with him, he’s never pulled any “game” on me, and makes me feel so loved.
For the very first time I can say I am lucky in love 🙂
Sandra x
rustedbones.co.uk
I do hope you find love someday! I have had my ups and down’s and wonder if things are meant to last forever. I’ve been both lucky and unlucky. I choose to look at it as learning experiences and most important to love ourselves and be happy and happiness will find us.
My friend gets some really bad luck with men. She always seems to go fro the wrong type, really horrible and abusive. Hopefully you will find love someday x
I can totally relate to your struggles of dating. Living LA makes it challenging to date because I feel as though every guy is looking for the next best thing. Also the hardest is when you like someone and it doesn’t work out just developing that initial motivation to go out on another date with someone else. UGH! The struggle is real, but I am here for you girl! I know that special guy is out there for you!
xoxo, Candice
I hope u find love some day. I met my husband when I was 18 so not really got experience of dating. I think its good to be single if u are happy that way though.
I can’t help but wonder if perhaps he isn’t feeling the same way, perhaps he has been unlucky in love also and hurt many times and is afraid to get hurt again. Dating in today’s world is so difficult, and I’m so sorry you are going through this. I hope that you will find the right person and be lucky in love for once x
I think being unlucky in love is a right of passage for every woman right? And I think it definitely stems from taking on projects. I applaud your vulnerability!
After 2 failed marriages I am offering no advice as my choice in men sucks what I would advise is this guy has issues and he’s probably sat there worried sick that your just too good for him
Oh Ana, my heart aches for you – I have always felt unlucky in love. I have more security now but my current relationship has withstood a lot, probably more than it should have, to reach this point. Sending you a tonne of love, you will be luckier one day 🙂 H xx
Sounds like a tough situation to be in – I’ve been in similar ones myself and the worst part for me has always been the doubt and uncertainty. I hope things work out for you! <3
I feel you girl. I have had some really bad relationships in the past so I tend to avoid them now. I get the exact same responses about being single, it’s not a disease, it’s a way of life for god knows how many people. You will find your Mr Right, when the time is right, the person is right and you deserve all the happiness
ive definitely been in this situation! scared to ask but stuck to my gut instinct that he didn’t feel the same way. i ended up pushing him away and he was a good friend too. still don’t know how he feels about me.
I’m so sorry! The dating game is never easy, but you will find someone who is worth it! I promise!
I still don’t know how my husband has stuck with me as I have anxiety issues… alongside many others. I have been through this and in the end I sent a simple text being rather blunt then left it. I said to myself I’d of rather been single than with someone who couldn’t be open minded about the person they were with, or be able to be upfront and honest. I really hope things get better x
Love is a losing game, someone said. I don’t believe that, anyway. Being self standing is important and, as long as we are willing to love and be loved, love will be on the way, somehow.
I’ve been married for nearly 34years and so have very little to offer in this situation. The modern dating world sounds like a complete nightmare and I do sympathise with people who are trying to form relationships today.
I really never dated much. I met my husband in my senior year of high school and we have been together ever since. One day you will find the right person.
I’ve been deeply hurt and I know how you feel. None is perfect and you can hardly find someone the way you imagine him, but you can find someone close enough. Don’t give up hope. On the other hand, there is nothing wrong being single. Believe me, it’s much better than being miserable in a relationship.
I know how you feel. I believe you’ve read some of my posts about dating as well. We’ll get there, and in the mean time, enjoy life. Enjoy your friends and family and writing. That’s all we can do.
Oh, Ana. I feel for you as I too have been there. Love is truly a battlefield and I have proven that time and time again. I’m sure someday you’ll fimd your prince and you’ll know because it will feel right. No second thoughts, no doubts, no hesitations.
I am sure the right person will show up very soon Ana xo
I really think everyone goes through that moment, whether it is a permanent experience brought on by heartbreak or a moment of insecurity. I really think you should be open minded to love, maybe he is a slow mover…
Before I met my husband, I was unlucky in love constantly! As soon as I stopped looking, he came along 🙂 xxx
I totally get what you mean about this kind of thing making your anxiety go through the roof. I’ve had a stable boyfriend for a while and I still get nervous about things like this for some reason!! Hope that you have greater luck next time 🙂
I find that literally is the cat and mouse game of dating. It can be so frustrating.
I have been unlucky in love what was a great relationship that turned nasty. I have now found the live of my life and we are extremely happy
Aw, bug hugs sweety. It’s been many years since I dated (I’m a bit of an old chicken). I was always straight up with guys. If I liked them and wanted to go for a drink but didn’t fancy them I’d ask them out but tell them in the same breath I wasn’t after anything. They always took that really well and I have some amazing male friends because of it. If it was someone that I liked I’d play it cool for a few dates and then just be very upfront. I remember asking Mr Dad in a hotel room one morning if the relationship was exclusive … he nearly choked on his coffee and said ‘hell yeah!”. “just checking” i said cooly. “sometimes it’s just for fun and other times it’s more serious. I don’t mind either way … I just like to know”. Fingers crossed xxx
Dating can be so difficult, especially trying to work out what they guy is thinking which I did a lot of! I hope everything works out for you.
Oh my goodness, dating is so frustrating. I feel ya girl!
I hate when past relationships make you doubt everything good that comes along. Agree that you don’t need a man to be happy.
Your playsuit is gorgeous!
I’ve had moments of being unlucky in love, but it definitely builds character!
Dani x
Well, i’m not the luckiest woman in love either. I don’t think I will find the right on by haunting. I know some of my friends have found the big love via internet, but that’s not for me.
Aww, bless your heart Ana. I have a friend in a similar situation to you and she always says dating is much harder these days than it used to be. I hope you find love in 2017, but until that day comes please remember that you are awesome and loved by all your fantastic readers.
Louise x
I’ve always been a big believer that sometimes people can be TOO similar. You need to find the yin to your yang I think. Whilst it’s a scary thought to ask, and I know you’re afraid to ask, I personally would rip the plaster off and ask him how he thinks the date went and if he’s interested. You’ll always be wondering if you don’t ask and communication is the key :)!
I’m so glad that I don’t have to date anymore. It’s so hard and heartbreaking when it goes wrong. I really hope you find your perfect match soon. Hugs!
Don’t worry gal! I believe that everything happens for one’s own good! You’ll find your Mr. Right someday!
Oh my gosh .. I can completely relate! Dating is so darn hard and before I met my husband .. I forever in situations like you describe. Hang in there .. all it takes is meeting one good one! 🙂
Cute outfit! Great post. I’m in my 40s and single. Not looking, either. I’m too focused right now with work and my career. I had a client that was so sad I was single and said I’m a great person, I’ll find someone soon. It was pretty annoying.
The only bright side to this is that for each mistake you make, you have one less to worry about.
Opening up your heart to someone is so scary and dangerous until you find the right person, you’ll find someone who deserves you when you least expect it
This is the topic that me and my best friend always discuss in details, about women and how they are labeled if they do not act in certain manner.
Everyone deserves a good partner in life. I wish you will find yours soon and he’ll be all you ever needed.
I’m so sorry to read this 🙁 So much of this rings true for me too, Ana – you know my situation and what I’ve been through. Like you, I’d love to find the perfect partner – I know it will come when I’m ready, same as you xxx
Falling in love is such a great experience yet very challenging as well. There is no assurance that it will work but I guess that’s its nature. Anyways, I love your style here. It’s blue and beautiful.
Dating is a boon and so its a curse too..!! Its comes with own charm, curiosity and god knows what not!!
But I see it is 2016 dated article..just wondering what is the status now..!! so curious. fingers crossed.