Maybe I am just being naive or I’d like to think that people can change, but I am a firm believer in giving people a second chance. We all f**k up, we all make mistakes so why are we going to stop being friends with someone because they f**ked up? Growing up I was bullied, abused and went through a lot of hard s**t that I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemies. But did I let that change the person I was and make other people feel as terrible as they had made me? No mam, I always treated people how I wanted to be treated and that was with loving kindness and affection. I never once deliberately went out of my way to hurt peoples feelings or make them feel as small as they had made me. Even my stepmum E, who had emotionally and physically abused me, I never once said that I hated her, because I don’t. What she did to me was inexcusable, I was a young child placed in her care, who my father believed would be a second mum to me. Except of course it didn’t pan out that way and in all honesty, if she was being charged now, she would have been behind cell bars and not at home with her family. She got a second chance at life by being able to be the mother that she never was to me. Granted I don’t excuse what she did to me but all I know is her kids love her, my dad loves her and if she makes them happy then that is okay. I omitted certain details from the abuse that I encountered as a child because I knew what it was like to grow up without a mum and I didn’t want my siblings to be raised in a single parent family. I wanted them to be part of a secure family unit because it sure as hell isn’t their fault that I was the child that their mother didn’t want. They don’t even know I exist but if they ever came looking for me and question why I let their mum, the woman who abused me get a second chance I would simply reply this ‘everyone deserves a second chance, no matter what they have done’.
Hate is a strong word and I learnt to let go of the anger I had towards my bullies and my abusive step mum a long time ago. The power of forgiveness is healing; being able to forgive our oppressors does not necessarily mean that you have to ‘like’ or contact people that hurt you ever again but what it does allow is for you to move on with your life and never look back. I used to hold grudges and be really negative, so learning how to change that mindset was extremely difficult. I was battling depression and severe anxiety and struggled to see beyond the darkness that I seemed to be trapped in. I had to snap out of it and it was learning how to give people a second chance that helped me become a more positive person. I think one of the most important principles of the ‘second chance philosophy’ was realizing that giving people a second chance didn’t mean you had to exclusively interact with them, but rather change your attitude towards them and let go of any negative feelings that you have about them. The past is called the past for a reason and all those bullies who had made your middle years a living hell or the strangers who were rude to you that one time? Let go, because people change, people grow up and if you don’t want to be their friend anymore that’s fine, just let them get on with their lives and you get on with yours. The most damaging aspect of not giving people a second chance is the psychological pain that it causes you. I became depressed because I let my past define me and I became anxious because I became scared of ‘change’, but it was a change in attitude that allowed me to become a happier person.
I still have anxiety attacks and have moments of depression but no longer is this rooted in ‘the past’, instead it is rooted in the present. I no longer ignore the warning signs and pretend that I am okay, nor do I blame what happened years ago for any bad decisions I make or use the past as an excuse to ignore the present. By acknowledging my past and letting the people who had hurt me get on with their lives and not giving them a second thought, I became the woman I had always dreamed of being. I was able to control my emotions and acknowledge when I needed help, but the biggest life lesson that the notion of ‘second chances’ taught me was to be grateful for what I do have. I used to focus on the negatives i.e. being poor, making sacrifices to survive and all the wrongs that people in the past had dealt me but then my mindset changed. I learnt that we all are capable of wronging the people we love or even people we barely know, we might have hurt them and not even been aware of it- but look how many second chances we have been given? Now word of warning, this doesn’t mean that we should excuse ‘awful behavior’ or crimes but let them see themselves as a blank slate, who is worthy of a second chance. E, my stepmum was given a second chance when she was still allowed to be a mother to her children and even I , have been guilty of hurting people or doing ‘inexcusably bad things’ but I paid my penance and started a-fresh. I gave myself a second chance and became the woman who learnt to forgive, both others and herself. And who is that woman? The girl who cried forgiveness…
Have You Learnt To Give People A Second Chance?
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I feel SO SO connected with you Ana since we share so many similarities– This is super SUPER powerful. Hopefully one day, we can meet in person. Keep doing you! You are ahead of the game by giving others second chances! ~Via Bella, http://viabella-thebeautifullife.blogspot.com/
Thanks for sharing your experience. I’m so sorry you went through it but I know you’re stronger because of it. I always give people a second chance, so I have no doubts whatsoever when I cut them out my life.
Second chances are something i believe in too as we can all mess up at some time. I love the outfit you are wearing
I have – but because only some people change, I had to learn that not all will do a good thing with the second chance they got. That is also a hard lesson to learn. To accept that some will not change, and that letting go, while handing them over to others who can make sure they will never repeat their transgressions.
I commend you again for your beautiful openness, and the strong woman I can see you have chosen to grown into. If you were my child (you are not much older than my daughter), I would be very proud of you. But then, I would have never let anyone abuse you in such a way in the first place.
Blessings!
Such a moving post. I am sad to hear of these awful things you had to go through, but at the same time I am happy that you learned to forgive and move forward to be the person you are now. I have had bad experiences with some people too, and I forgave them, however, what I could never give back to them was the same level of trust I had before they did those bad things.
I do believe in giving people second chances. Although, sometimes I think that I give people too many chances because I forgive too easily and hate falling out with people… You look amazing, as always.
I am probably too trusting and forgive too easily which is a problem as people tend to just carry on as they were which hurt all over again. Second chance yes, but 3rd, 4th, 5th – NO!!
Agreed and like I said giving them a second chance is not about being friends with them or liking them but learning to let go of the resentment so you feel better in yourself. Its about getting on with your life and not looking back. x
Forgiveness is so much more difficult than resentment, but it’s important to give people the chance to repair and improve themselves. Sometimes they will still let you down, but if you don’t have that overall trust and hope in people it adversely affects your life too. x
Ive given people 2nd chances before and sadly it hasnt worked out. I think you are very brave to share your story lovely xx
Yes! I find it so hard though to give people a second chance. I went through a rough childhood and I almost lost myself — I gave myself a second chance to start fresh.. and I don’t regret that. But because I love myself today and I worked so hard to be come out of my shell.. I’m thinking that it’s not fair to give people a second chance to hurt me for the second time. NOT EVERYONE does that but some do.. and that’s when my trust issues grow.
I have given people a second chances in the past and sometimes it worked out well. Sometimes though I realised that they really shouldn’t have had a second chance – but that’s life x
Great post! I feel as an adult my life is full of second chances where I’ve been able to change things around!
I am REALLY bad about giving second chances. I am one of those people that will hold a grudge until the day I die. I might be able to depending on the circumstances, but it’s rare.
I had a pretty bad situation growing up too, and both my sister and I have given our mother a second chance. It really was the best thing we could have done and now we’re all very close. Second chances don’t always work out but it’s certainly worth a shot x
Sometimes I give people second chances – they can surprise you can’t they!
Keep being that strong chick that you are, girl! And giving second chances is a powerful reflection of your giving personality, so I’d stick with that vibe!
I have been told I always see the best in people and give them too many chances and end up disappointed but I think there’s a difference between giving people chances and expecting anything from people? It’s okay to forgive people as long as you maybe don’t expect them to have changed or to have become a better person because then there’s no way to be disappointed yourself. Weird perspective maybe?
Emmie xo
As I have gotten older I’m much more excepting of people and am more willing to give second chances because of this. I can relate so much to some of your content, I find it very moving but also so insightful and having experienced similar x
Wow said it is hard to forgive those who hurt us, especially more than once. I try and forgive and give everyone a second chance.
It’s so hard to let go of the anger, but you get so much further in life if you can let the burden go. It’s hard to do, but giving second chances makes you a better person.
People do deserve a second chance totally but I wouldn’t say that for everyone in this world. People who’ve committed dreadful crimes, rapists etc do not deserve a second chance in my eyes :l
Yes..
Such a powerful post, from a beautiful young lady. Everyone has to write their own stories, and while I believe in second chances always remember zebras never change their stripes. They can hide them but they never truly lose them, protect yourself as long as you ok with yourself who cares what others think and do. PS great dress 😃
I have always been skeptical of second chances, but your post really made me think! I guess sometimes second chances are a shot in the dark, but worth it!
2nd chances are so rare and so hard these days. I know all too well how difficult it can be to engage in meaningful forgiveness. Thanks for the article.
I am too nice for my own good and generally end up giving people more than 2 chances ! Sometimes it works out, often not! Incredibly touching & brave post x
I love that dress on you it is beautiful. And it is so great to finally see you smiling! I always give second chances but often the person hurts me again and sometimes you have to know when to part ways.
This is beautiful. You are right, everyone does deserve a second chance. It’s wonderful that you were able to let go and forgive all the wrongs done towards you.
This is so moving and I always hurt for you and what you have suffered. I am a believer in second chances too. When my first husband had an affair just before I had our first son, I forgave him, because I truly loved him and believed that he would change. When he had a second affair when our son was three years old, I knew that there would be no third chances. These days I am far less trusting.
I absolutely agree with you about forgiveness and moving on, it really is the healthiest thing to do. I’m not sure that everyone always deserves a second chance, many times yes they do but not a second chance to do the same thing to you again. In most cases though, a second chance is warranted.
I think everyone does deserve a second chance but it’s when they’re looking for a third or fourth that’s when I draw the line and think the best thing all round is to part ways entirely. You are such a strong, amazing girl!
Such a great post! I agree; everyone deserves a second chance. We are just people bound to make mistakes. And sometimes when you give them second chance, they will surprise you. Love your outfit.
Belle | One Awesome Momma
I love the photographs on your posts , always so stylish and vibrant!
I am a believer in second chances for sure. It can also be very healing to let go of your anger and bad feelings.
I am way too trusting and have been hurt so many times. Second chance yes, but no more! Kaz
What a fantastic post! I completely agree with all your points. Hate is such a strong word and so many people throw it about but I dont think I personally know anyone who I hate – dislike maybe! 2nd chances are important but 3rd chances are a no-no!
You’re such a strong and wonderful person. Thank you for sharing this. Letting go of anger is in our best interest. You’re right.
Ps. I love your dress!
It can be hard to forgive and forget but sometimes helps free us from being tied to our past. Wow Ana you look stunning in that dress it’s lovely 😉
I agree. I do give second chances, but I really don’t go beyond that. I get that people make mistakes and can appreciate that. But if it continues, I cannot handle it.
Gorgeous dress! I love the colors.
I’m a great believer in second chances – although I don’t do third or fourth.
You are so strong to come through so much and still be able to forgive.
Letting go of hatred is such an important thing to do. As soon as I learnt that I knew I was an adult.
That dress is awesome! You look stunning. I agree with second chances, but I won’t give 3rd or 4th chances.
Second chances are the best. and I think, everyone deserves one. Thanks for the post. Enjoyed reading it.
Yes girl!!! I strongly believe in second chance. Many people want to rectify their mistakes they made at some point but it also depends how genuine they are.
I believe everyone does deserve a second change, and people can change if they want to. Now, I don’t think they should keep getting chances after that if no change is made, but sometimes we have to accept that some people just won’t change.
It sounds like you went through a lot, and I am so impressed that you found the strength and know how to forgive your step mom. I am sorry that you have had to deal with anxiety and depression as a result, but you are such a wise women to deal with it all head on. Thanks for sharing!
I am definitely a firm believer that we all need second chances. I am also a firm believer that you do not allow yourself to get run over and be abused. Its a healthy balance. But forgiveness should exist no matter whether the person uses the second chance for good or for bad. Because forgiveness is more about us and less about them.
This must have taken so much courage to write. Beautifully written and beautiful thoughts. I absolutely love this!
Sometimes, when I come here and read posts like this, I feel almost as if you’re speaking words drawn right out of my life, my experience. One of my childhood abusers was my father’s second wife (no joke), who resented my very existence because she had a daughter my age. She hated me for being my father’s daughter, because she wanted my father for HER daughter.
In the end, she won. He chose her, always – over my safety, over my need to heal. I forgave her, but refused to engage with her … I can forgive, right, but that doesn’t mean I have to let you hurt me again. I refused her access to my children as well, and for that, I lost my relationship with my father. He chose her, always.
It hurts, still. And yet, for my own sake, I forgive him, too.
I wonder if it’s because you’ve experienced such tough circumstances .. that you’re able to have so much empathy for others. I can relate .. I’ve been there too. For me there are some people from the past that I’ve forgiven (if they’ve asked for forgiveness) .. and am kind to .. but still keep at arm’s length. I’ve learned as I’ve gotten older that its ok to build a hedge around yourself and the people you hold close. Not everyone gets to be a part of my inner circle
I think sometimes people deserve second chances, but there are also situations that just can’t be forgiven.
I’m so happy for you! Letting go of anger is one of the BEST things we can do! We aren’t hurting anyone else by hating them, only ourselves.
I think second chances are true and everyone deserves them. It’s just that sometimes the people that we give those chances to should no longer be a part of our lives because it’s healthier for us. You have such a kind heart, Ana. Forgiveness is something that one can easily give.
Forgiveness is so much more difficult than resentment, Personally i think that we should give second chance.
Writing this shows a lot of strength and vulnerability, which I really respect, and your outfit is kick-ass to boot
Beautiful dress – you look gorgeous. I’m a believer in second chance – mainly due to the fact that you only live once (yolo) and you have to make the most of it. So turn it around and give it a second shot. xx
We need more people like you. And that requires a lot of strength . By you not hating them, by you forgiving them, caring and loving them takes away all their power . They have no power over you and that is something so freeing to me. I really really like this .
Beautiful photos. Love the colours in the dress. I give people second chances but hate being let down. My ex had chance after chance but has abandoned his children. I gave up on love then decided to give it a second chance and met my wonderful new partner who is a fab dad to my eldest 2 and the son we made ourselves 🙂
i keep reading your posts and i totally connect with you and your story but i feel your still in a state of not forgiving others for how theyve treated you , i actually feel your trying to move on with life but i dont actully feel like your yet forgiving them. its hard but its a long process we find mends over time x
You are entitled to your opinion of course 🙂 I have definitely forgiven them because they are no longer part of my life. You might think that me bringing up the past does not show that I have forgiven them but that is not case. I do it to raise awareness and show that you can come out of bad situations a better and stronger person. It will always be a part of your life and the scars will remain but you can’t let it control how you act towards others or even yourself x
I think it’s entirely dependent on what people have done, in most cases I think a second chance should be given and if someone f**ks up again then I can’t be bothered to deal with them x
I absolutely love that dress on you. The colours are stunning. I always believe in second chances, we’ve all made mistakes but it’s when people repeat them you realise they still don’t own their actions but at least you gave them the chance.
After having severe encounters with bullies and man abusive step mum you have deffo come through the other side the better person and to be able to let go of the hate and give second changes – you are one strong lady 🙂 Thanks for sharing hun 🙂 x
I 100% agree in second chances! I love your blog, always a great read. Thank you!
Really interesting pots, as always Ana! I do agree that people can change. It’s better to forgive and forget and be disappointed than t never give someone the chance.
Lovely post, really inspiring. You are clearly a better person for your experiences and I am compelled to read more. What a great mindset you have.
It’s amazing how you picked yourself up and gave these people a second chance. It’s not something that someone like you can easily do. You’ve gone through so much at life and it’s great that you were able to forgive these people.
I rarely give second chances to people because I hate the idea of getting hurt again. I think it depends on the person you’re giving a second chance to. I can always forgive but I can never forget.
I’m happy to know that your anxiety attacks and moments of depression are not situated around your past. You look amazing in that outfit. The dress and the shoes are a fave.
Oh, I so wish more people really got this. It’s not an easy frame of mind to get into, but MAN, it’s refreshing and rewarding to see others this way. Great post! Thanks for sharing
It’s great that you can be so forgiving about everything you have experienced.
I’m firmly convinced that anyone has up to the last day of his/her life to change (in better or worse). Change habits, ideas, feeling, point of views. That’s why I don’t think I’ll always appreciate people I now appreciate and I won’t disapprove forever people I don’t keep up with now. But… I’ve never been truly able to totally trust anyone… that’s why I’ve never been fully disappointed. A good thing that comes actually after a quite sad thing; not totally trust anyone.
What a moving post dear.
I guess second chances are great for those who deserve them since people should have an opportunity to change and to make things right with their loved ones.
yes,giving a second chance is a way to forgive.Everyone deserve a second chance.This post is really motivative and you are a really strong girl!
Such an emotional post to read. I definitely believe in second chances. Thank you for sharing your experience.
This post is so deep and touching!! I’m so sorry for all you’ve been through; it breaks my heart that any adult could treat an innocent child in such a way. Your outlook is refreshing, mature and very admirable!
It takes a big person to give someone a second chance. I try, but sometimes struggle if I’m honest. Jo x
I, like you, believe in second chances! But only second chances…if the behaviour keeps happening, there is only so much forgiveness to be had.
Thanks for sharing!
Leigh at Fashion Du Jour LDN x
I am so sorry you had to go through all of that in the past, you are amazing to be able to move on and give 2nd chances. I am not so good at that, but then I do tend to let people get away with it too many times in the first place.
It’s hard to let go of anger when someone has messed up, but I do agree that everyone deserve a second chance. I’m so sorry for everything you’ve gone through.
You amaze me! Every time I read one of your posts I’m transported to a place of its own! You have a great take on giving people second chances and I can most of the time but I do have exceptions I guess it all comes down to what we can all handle and if we feel like we can forgive!
I do believe in second chances to some extent. Some behavior isn’t redeemable and some people will never change. The only reason I have given someone a second chance is if they are proven to me that they want one. Otherwise it is better to move on.
Hey Ana,
I can see you have not only given those that hurt you a second chance, you have also forgiven them. A powerful show of great character. I salute you for that, keep doing you and keep shining!
As many people have said above, second chance yes but 3rd, 4th chance no. They need to learn a lesson
Your dress is beautiful! I find it hard to forgive people, it’s something I need to work on.
I have a sibling who is behind bars, one who soon will be and one on probation. I have lost my dad, and have basically a teeny tiny amount of family. I do believe in second chances and am always willing to forgive.
I find it hard to give people second chances, particularly if they have hurt me or my family. But I commend you on being able to do it, even to the most hurtful person who should have loved you. Ana, I’ve come to enjoy your posts I read through the FB group and you are such an inspiring young woman. I cannot imagine what you’ve been through but you always seem to find a positive out of negative things and for that you should be very proud. Xx
As a stubborn person I do find it hard to give second chances but I will give second chances as like you I believe it’s more healthy to let go of the anger x
Second chances should be given to folks who deserve them, some people take undue advantage and keep on repeating those mistakes. you are a strong woman Ana.
I do believe in second chances but not when people take the piss and expect it more and more
Giving a second chance is so important. We all make mistakes, so sometimes we need that second chance!
There’s such a fine line between what’s forgivable and deserves a second chance and what’s not. Off topic: I love that lipstick color, it looks so good with that dress.
I think you are extremely brave to talk about your troubled early years. And more so, for being able to move forward and forgive. Personally, I’m not sure that I could but admire that you have been able to. x
I feel it depends on the circumstance when it comes to giving second chances. This is such a powerful story.
I believe everyone deserves a second chance. The first time can just be a coincidence. Really well written.
Thanks for sharing your experience. Yeah everyone deserves a second chance, but the second chances have conditions. But for abusers and criminals, there must be no second chances. Giving them those chances means tolerating their deeds.
This is a great post and I’m sure many people can relate to it and learn from your words. I think forgiveness gives us freedom and happiness 🙂 xx
Whilst I too believe everyone deserves a second chance I still hold it with a pinch of salt. Yes I treat people how I would like to be treated but doesn’t mean the second chance won’t be somehow marred by previous actions in my mind even if I don’t verbalise it.
Wow, not sure if I could be as forgiving towards your stepmum! I greatly admire your ability to think of others (your siblings) before yourself – that is a truly remarkable, and rare, trait! x
At time we will experience good and bad. Failures are meant to happen so we can learn from it. Indeed, everyone deserves a second chance.
You know I love reading your blogs and this is exactly why! It takes a strong person to forgive someone, especially when they have treated you in such a despicable manner, but in the end you do have to let it go or else it festers and ruins the person you have become. The strong, wonderful, compassionate lady that you are.
Hate only breeds more hate and it influences current and future relationships, so you should be very proud of your strong forgiving character xxx
I love that in light of everything you have been through you still have the capacity for forgiveness whether it is yourself or others and I am definitely with you on the fact that everyone deserves a second chance!
Second chances are really not for everyone. It is a 50/50 thing, some appreciate it, while others screw up again. It is great that you do not ignore the warning signs because most people tend to look the other way when the signs are in their face.
Yes I do believe people can make mistakes and change and be sorry and those can have a second chance but perhaps some dont its so hard but i’m such a loving and caring person I find it hard not to forgive and move on
The line where you said that one of the most important principles of the “second chance philosophy” was to change your attitude towards those people really, really resonated with me. I’ve learnt the hard way that giving people a second chance does not mean that you are giving them another opportunity to hurt you, but you are giving yourself another opportunity to live free of all that pain and those negative emotions. With every post of yours I read I feel that you are healing post by post. Sending huge hugs and love your way!! xxx
I agree that in order to give a full second chance you have to let go of the negative feelings you have for that person and move past that. Great article and I completely agree with your points!
To be honest, I tend not to give second chances. I usually can’t be bothered to try again.
I do believe that everyone deserves a second chance, but it’s a sliperly slope to a third and forth chance.
You are so right learning to forgive and letting go of the hate is the best thing you can do to heal yourself. I agree that forgiving doesn’t have to mean you are friendly or speak to them again it just means you don’t let it consume you any more.
I really am one of those people who finds it so hard to forgive and forget, I harbour!
I agree. If you don’t give people a second chance the psychological pain is worse x
I think if people show sincerity, then they deserve a second chance. I also think it’s important to protect ourselves from people who aren’t so deserving. Forgiveness on the other hand is helpful as letting go is important for us all
I absolutely love you posts, the are so well written. I do believe in second chances a lot of the time but it truly depends what they have done.
I think you have a very generous and forgiving nature to believe people deserve a second chance. I’m not sure I could be so forgiving if I’m honest.
I believe that MOST people deserve a second chance. However, based on personal experience and feelings, I believe some do not. Yes, everyone fucks up, but some are so much more incredibly fucked up than others.
Yes…
I truly believe that everyone deserves a second chance, maybe a third or fourth too!
This is such a lovely and well written piece Ana. I honestly don’t get why people won’t give others second chances, it can sometimes be a really good thing. xx
Loved reading this Ana. Life is hard and people do make mistakes but I do like to try to give everyone a second chance as if I were in the same situation, I’d hope they’d give me a second chance too xxx
I agree with you, but, some people will never change. I have similar experiences. I gave many chances and the experience reoccurred over and over again. Sometimes,you give second chance and take a step back. Wish you well in the future.
I agree with this comment. Give people a second chance and then step back. Being too invested in someone else’s actions can he exhausting
Second chances are something that I give out when my heart is ready. It is true that everyone deserves one since we all make mistakes.
I am so proud of you, proud of you for writing this and post and proud of you realising to let go and the importance of giving second chances! We can not change the past, ony our futures.
Forgiveness is so hard when you’ve been hurt by people. You are so strong and beautiful – I am always inspired when reading your blog!
I think forgiveness is very powerful and can help us to feel better about things that have happened to us. I do think people should be given another chance, but for me, if they do wrong after that then I back away as I’m not willing to keep being hurt by someone who doesn’t learn.
Happy to give second chances but two strikes and you are out. Fill your life with people who make you happy. Friendships and people shouldn’t make like hard – it’s complicated enough as it is xx
Love this. You are such a strong lady! I do normally give people second chances, but I’m often quite a pushover which I don’t like!
Yes – we all deserve a second chance for sure. Heck, I’ve made many mistakes in life – I think if we’re honest, we all have. Love your thoughts – and your outfits Ana!
Love your dress! Yes I agree that everyone deserves a second chance. We are all human beings make mistakes in life but its always good to forgive as we free ourselves from anger, judgments, grievances
Yeah I wish I was able to give second chances… it really just depends on what it is. There are just some things that it’s just easier to not. I love your insight though!
I am not sure about second chances, but I am willing to forgive. I have been burned too many times by giving second chances, so perhaps that is why I am so reluctant to do so.
I believe that people should get second chances too. Unfortunately, they don’t always take advantage of this opportunity and squander it.
This is one of those things that is definitely easier said than done. But once you are able to come to terms with your own imperfection is gets easier.
I believe in second chances most of the time, although sometimes I think people don’t deserve them. x
it’s heartbreaking to hear you’ve experienced this. i’m a bit tough when it comes to giving second chances and trust is always something I’m trying to figure out if a second chance is well deserved
Well said, also because keeping grouch forever can hurt you from enjoying the positive in your life. Move one, forgive and be stronger.
Great Post! This is beautiful. You are right, everyone does deserve a second chance. It’s wonderful…
Forgive and forget. You have done very well on this front. It’s not an easy thing to do and you have done it well. Always no positive and look forward to the good things ahead.
I believe in giving people a second, you are a very brave lady for sharing your story.
Yes I agree that everybody deserves a second chance, but mess up after that and I would cut all ties and move on. You look fab x
i love how detailed, and personal your posts are i feel like I’m your mate xo
It must take a lot of guts and bravery to be so open to second chances after all you’ve been through. I do agree with forgiveness, but I also think it’s really important to report any abusive behaviour.
You are a stronger women than my mummy. She’s been wronged in the past and struggled to forgive. Fair play to you for letting go and putting it behind you x
I am so sorry you had to pass this in your life… but now you sure are stronger for this experience. Giving a second chance to people who hurted us is a sign of strenght but for me people rarely change… we can change and look at them conscious of this maybe!
I totally agree I’m all for second chances everyone makes mistakes xxx
I would say you are Naive but then again you spoke the bitter truth. While reading your article i felt like the message was just for me. It is had for me to give second chances again because of the disappointments I’ve exereinced. However, I best note let that part of me that always have believe to get jaded
Interesting. I have trouble with this because of abuse as well. I cannot forgive people. I just can’t. Yes, you’re right; it’s like a poison, but I spent so many years giving people second and third and more chances and they would turn around and abuse me more. It taught me not to.
Right now, my abuser has randomly taken me to court to get a “second chance” with my son. (9 years after the fact). I don’t want to leave a disturbing comment but the abuse he put me through was tremendous. Every category of abuse he committed against me, and he did it when I was a kid, a teenager, and he was an adult.
In a sense, I was giving him a “second chance” because I was not bugging him or trying to interfere with his life, but now he is bugging me and trying to interfere with mine. He *is* interfering with mine; he is causing my PTSD symptoms to exacerbate so greatly that I can barely function. My family almost lost our apartment because I had to quit my job. I’m up reading this right now instead of sleeping like I should be because I’m sick and both of my daughters are sick including one in the hospital…because I was having too many nightmares about my ex.
He’s abusing me again, albeit legally through the court system, and he is asking for a second chance and I see no reason to give it to him.
There has to be a line drawn.
Honest question: Would you, or have you, given your stepmother a second chance if it includes having her involved in YOUR life? Or do you simply mean giving people a second chance, to live their own lives away from their former victims? Where do you think the line should be drawn? If you were in my position, granted you don’t know the scope of the abuse but just believe that it was extreme, would you let him see your child? My son is also severely autistic, by the way, and can’t communicate at all.
I hope this doesn’t come across as aggressive or combative..I know tone is hard to read on the internet. And feel free to ignore it if it’s just too much. I am just going through this right now…your post resonated with me…but I don’t see a way or reason to give this person a second chance, at least not in the capacity he is asking. Let him live, away from me and my family, and try to forge a new life and family? Yes, fine. But let him see my son? Let him be involved with my family? Let him continue to set back my psychological progress…no..I don’t see why I should or how I can?????
I am harsh and hurt me once and you are a gonner. I will be pleasant but if someone has shown their true colours I cannot be wasting any more energy on them. x
I couldn’t agree more, by giving a “2nd chance” to people you also give a chance to yourself to heal and move on, forgiveness is only way to start over. xx
I’m all about giving people a second chance. And sometimes a third. But after that…I’m pretty much done. Hopefully that doesn’t sound bad 🙁 (On an un-related note…your shoes are THE BOMB.)
For me giving a second chance to a person is just right. Nobody is perfect so everyone might do something that is not right. We just have to learn from every experiences.
That dress looks amazing! And regarding the second chances, yes! Absolutely agree, we are just silly humans and nobody is perfect!
You are inspirational babe! And over time I am finding we are so similar in a lot of ways and feel you are speaking from me. I am such a forgiving person, that I have forgiven so many, so many times, that now I feel like I am being taken advantage of my good nature. I was in a physical abusive relationship for 10 years and then in a mental abusive relationship for a year where he kicked me out of our home and I lived in my car for 4 months because I was afraid to come home to my parents. I have slowly forgiven them but the pain still lives in me for what I went through, and probably is a cause of my anxiety attacks and feeling of worthlessness and depression. Currently I am trying to move past and forgive a friend (ex friend??) for betraying, lying to me and treating me horribly… its causing me alot of anxiety and stress (as she maybe returning back to my work place) but I’m trying to be the bigger person here. x
This is a great post, very honest. I believe you are right, that everyone deserves a second chance, however learning to forgive people when they have really hurt you and truly let go of the anger and pain is quite a challenge for lots of people, myself included. Though this something I would like to work on, as I know I would be happier not holding any grudges.
I try as much to give people second chance because no one is perfect but some still fuck up at every chance given to them. I do not like holding grudge against anyone so I give as many chances as possible and if such person doesn’t make amends….then I ignore such being most times if not all the time 😐
I like this idea you put forward about not directly needing to contact someone in order to forgive them for what they have done, but to accept and understand what has happened, therefore meaning you can change your once negative and persistent thoughts and move on with your life. The mental change is so much more important than the physical changes you could make through forgiveness. This coming from someone who is terrible for holding grudges and not ever trusting someone after they have caused pain, caused that familiar wash of negative emotion. You offer an interesting perspective on forgiveness. Its quite something. Also, i love your writing style, especially here in something you feel very strongly about. I can feel the raw emotions of your past bleeding through the words as my eyes dart across the screen and i don’t ever think i will understand the nature of how incredibly powerful what you’ve written is.
Reading things that flow like this, especially of this nature gives me remarkable faith in humanity. It proves we are so much more than the world would have us think. DR
Providing the attitude to change is there, I am a firm believer in second chances. Thank you for sharing!
I believe in second chance but I certainly do not believe in third chances. 2 chances are enough. Still nice to just forgive and forget!
feeling connected with your post, sch a motivational post. totally agree with you, everyone deserves a second chance 🙂
It has always been a challenge for me to find the balance between giving people a third, fourth etc. chance and learning to let go of harnful relationships. I’m getting better at letting go!
I agree. Everybody deserves a second chance. People change their attitude all the time and sometimes we give more energy for accepting what they truly are. Nice post!
I agree, although it can be hard, some people do deserve a second chance. It’s great you were able to let go of the anger you were feeling- I know how difficult that can be!
Second chances are so important. I mean, we all have our off days. We may even learn from them. When someone gives us a second chance, hopefully, we can also learn to be kind back.
I no longer give out second chances quite so easily after I found out my ex-boyfriend of 4 years was constantly cheating on me. I feel like second chances must be earned. You are a very brave an inspirational woman!
I believe in giving second chances although it depends on the circumstances. Everyone makes mistakes which makes us learn from them.
I agree with you. Everyone deserves a second chance because each of us all has the right to learn our mistakes no matter what.
I totally agree with you. Everyone deserves a second chance. I love that you were the bigger & better person in the situation. I don’t think so I would have had the courage to do so. P.S.: I love your dress.
I am a strong believer in giving someone a second chance but I find it very hard to forgive and forget. I forgave my husband his first affair and I lived to regret it when he had a second. I would never forgive for a third time.
Forgiveness is about to have a peace with ourselves and as you said move on in our lives, but it doesn’t necessary means, we forget the bad things others have done to us. Some people do change after they get a second chance some people don’t. Powerful message, Ana.
You even considering giving someone a second chance proves how mentally strong you are. Its a rare thing in modern society to put something aside and move forward with someone in a mutually peaceful way. If someone is willing to give a second chance, there is still hope, to you at least, that they can evolve. I have always liked this thought. The world isn’t as hopeless as i sometimes think.
I also believe people can change and we need to give them a second chance… or a few more. But it always there is a point that once someone passes, I’m done with the chances, and there is no coming back 😉
Loving your sequined dress though! You look so party ready xx
Allowing someone a second chance is a great thing. If you want to truly free yourself from the baggage of the pain they’ve cost you, make sure that forgiveness is included with giving them that second chance. (It sounds like you have done that.) True forgiveness is difficult, but it’s a powerful thing. By forgiving those who wrong us, we stop carrying around the baggage from their sin against us, and we can move forward. We take away that person’s power to control us. What a great lesson you have learned at such a young age.
I always give people a second chance. And usually a third, fourth and fifth. But I rarely find people give me a second chance if I stuff up. I hope those people read your post and offer me an olive branch 🙂
Louise x
I do believe in second chance and I think every one deserves it . Thanx for this lovely post
This is so powerful. I think that we all deserve second chance because we all make mistakes. Especially when we mistake unintentionally.
Absolutely! Without people being given second chances we will never learn and grow from our mistakes!
Forgiveness is important, where possible, because otherwise the ange and resentment will be eating you up inside and why should you let someone who has hurt you have that much power? Lovely dress, by the way!
Agree, hate is such a strong word and such a burden to carry. I find it admirable that you don’t allow your experiences to define you as a person and that you’ve done so well for yourself. You are an incredibly brave and lovely person 🙂
I definitely believe in giving second chances as some people deserve it as you said we all make mistakes. I’d also like to believe I would be given a second chance if I was to screw up.
I love your blog posts because they are outpourings and you don’t hold back. They make me stop in my tracks.
I think it’s important to give people a second chance as we are all only human and make mistakes but I’m a three stirkes and you’re out kinda gal…
I do give second chances – it would take hell of a lot for me not to as I always end up feeling better about it as time passes x
You are such a strong, incredible person Ana and I think with everything you’ve been through it’s so amazing that you have such a loving heart and the ability to give second chances. I believe in second chances too. People need a chance to try again, but it takes such a strong person to be able to give that opportunity. x
I think you are too kind! I don’t think I would ever have the power to forgive what my father did to me. And it took a lot of time and healing to be able to not think about him anymore and erase him from my life.
I’d love to give people second chance, but I have to see that someone is worthy of it first. Sometimes it’s better for one’s mental health to just say goodbye and move on.
I do try to give everyone a second chance. Mistakes happen. Life happens. But after the second chance, I’m pretty much done. I can only take so much.
I really admire your attitude. I super agree on you that forgiving is healing. Indeed it is a way to let go of the bad memories and moving on to another chapter of our lives. Giving out second chances entails a lot of courage to do so.
I think in most cases it is good to give someone a second chance. Everyone makes mistakes at some point.
You are such an incredible, loving young woman. I don’t think I could ever give that step-monster a second chance. It’s your charity and positive attitude that make you so special and have allowed you to survive such horrible child abuse in your early years.
I connect with you on so many different levels. In my opinion, it depends on when you should give a second chance and when you should just shut the door (it isn’t easy but sometimes you need to take bitter pills for your own good.) BTW I am a huge admirer of your photographs.Great post… 🙂
You are a beautiful, self-less and forgiving person. Not many people have these traits. I certainly have a problem with forgiveness and letting things go but you showed me that it is possible even through the worst experiences and you can be a better person from it so thank you.
Sarah
http://Www.Hitcontinue.eu
Aw I’m sorry you went through that abuse but I’m so happy for it that you have been able to forgive and give a second chance! I can totally relate to that!
You are so generous. I know that everyone deserves a second chance. However, I think that I could not become as generous as you are. Your article really makes me think about giving everyone a second chance. To be honest, I don’t usually forgive people for their big mistakes. But I suddenly realize that being too mean is not good for both sides. Maybe I should change myself, to become a better person. Your story really touches my heart and makes me think deeply.
You are very brave, and strong to forgive. I do tend to be too kind to people, and end up getting hurt easily.
Girl first off your outfit is gorgeous. Second, your story is even more beautiful. Sometimes giving someone a second chance helps out mental clarity so much. Keep being amazing!
I do agree that in many cases people do deserve a second chance. There are certain times and instances where I don’t think a second chance should be given though. With that being said, I also am not willing to let people to continue to hurt or take advantage of me, so if that second chance turns out bad, I’m pretty much done.
I am sorry you had such a hard life. I know it has been an emotional rollercoaster but you deserve a second chance to reborn yourself out of the past trauma. You are strong.
I think we all deserve second chances and its good for the soul to forgive and move on
Thank you for sharing part of your life through this post.It seems you are so strong and powerful.I also believe in giving a second chance.That’s good you don’t hate your stepmom.
I think you have a brilliant attitude, I find it hard to forgive people but I also know that I’m far from a perfect person myslelf.
I think time can be a great healer and I would always give someone a second chance, however, I not a third, fourth or beyond
I can forgive and give 2nd chance but this is where I draw a line… 2nd chance only, no 3rd or 4th
You are such an amazing lady, Ana. I can’t imagine you being anything but kind and caring. I do agree people deserve a second chance..99% of the time. I am the sort of person who gives second chances, but sometimes, some things are just inexcusable and unforgivable – luckily I’ve never met anyone like this personally.
I believe on giving second (even third chance) depends on a person involvef and the situation. If I see that person is pushing to become better, i guess he or she deserves chances.
Everyone makes mistakes and we are all human beings. We are not perfect. Some mistakes are forgiven, while other mistakes are very difficult to let go. The important thing is, is it worth it to maintain the relationship with these people who had done you wrong?
It takes a lot of strength and character to give someone a second chance, and I agree it helps us grow as a person!!!!
You really are amazing Ana! I do agree that you should give people a second chance but I think it does depend on the situation! xo
That dress looks amazing on you! I’m sorry you had to experience bullying like that, sometimes people can be so cruel! However, second chances can be a good or bad thing. It is always up to us to decide which it is. Here’s to always hoping it’s for the better! Thanks for sharing!
People are always telling me I’m too quick to give people a second chance (and a third, fourth and fifth), but I think everyone deserves one. I mean, we’re only human. We don’t always get things right the first time round do we? 🙂
Louise x
Wow this is so raw and powerful! Thank you for being so honest and vulnerable in discussing such a hard topic. I too was abused and bullied as a child and I grew up very angry because of it. At first, I didn’t understand why I was so angry but I learned to dissect the root cause of the issue and deal with the issues that were keeping me trapped. You are so inspirational and are now changing lives with your words. Thank you for sharing xxx