‘You may hurt me with your blows, knife deep words that cut into me like poison, You might lash out at me when you are feeling insecure, You may be sweet to my face but behind my back you spit venom, You are lost in another persons mind and you no longer seem to be the same person, I see you whisper sweet nothings pretending that nothing is amiss, too cowardly to be truthful a mouse in a lions clothing, I want to be repelled by you but I only feel pity, for only an insecure person could be so venomous’
No matter how much you put me down or the names that you call me you will never break me. You may see me crumble and fall but in defeat I find strength. I am not that girl anymore who lets people walk all over her nor am I the type to just accept your abuse as the truth. You think that I am negative? Well good for you, writing about deep topics does not make me a negative person but a thinker. I am inquisitive and curious about our society’s state of affairs and determined to reach out to those who have been left in the shadows. I see their pain etched on their weary faces crying out for a helping hand… does that make me a bad person? No it does not. I am tired of being judged for being different and I am sick of dealing with hypocrites. You say that beauty comes from within but the only beauty that I see is external for that pretty face hides layers of negative energy. To my face you are sweet as pie but I know that you are fake.
I see you whispering in corners and laughing in my face because I will always be that loser. Well you are wrong; I am not a loser nor am I that girl left in the trash again. My name is Ana De-Jesus and like it or leave it I am who I am. You say you don’t want to engage with me so why do you bother? It makes you look bad when you constantly seek to destroy me because I am not the person who you make me out to be. There comes a time in life where people stop pretending to be your friend and show their true colours and it frustrates me. I look for friends and supporters who will champion and support me so it hurts me when you turn the other cheek.I am used to be being called names or being stereotyped because that is all part of life. But how does it make me negative when I defend myself and others from your biting words? You can’t handle the simple truth and the truth is that you are bitter and jealous. Yes I said it, you are jealous; why else would you pick on someone you don’t know? Why else would you scapegoat me for your own actions and leave me to hang in the shadows. Despite the posts that I write I am actually a very positive person. You think that I am complaining or trying to get attention because of the topics that I write? You couldn’t be any further from the truth because if you took the time to know me you would realize that I am trying to highlight important issues. Sure I use photoshoots to speak my mind but what the f**k is wrong with that? What is wrong with using visuals to speak my mind, when the words I have written are being ignored?
You say that my content does not match my visuals, you couldn’t be further from the truth. It annoys the hell out of me when people think that the fashion industry is all about materialism because it is not. Fashion is spiritual and life affirming and it saved my life. Did it ever occur to you that I ‘dress nice’ because I am insecure about my looks, that wearing new clothes makes me feel more confident and protects me from haters like you. When I have depressive episodes putting on makeup and wearing pretty clothes makes me feel happy and gives me the confidence I need to interact with everyday life.So regardless of how I may ‘act’ online that is not a true representation of who I am in real life and do you know what? I will not stop writing how I do, I will not stop wearing pretty clothes and nor will I let your words affect me any longer. Yes I was upset but I have good friends and a support system who are right behind me every step of the way.
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Photography- Jumanna Khanom- Shoes- Primark- Skirt- Asos Top- Miss Selfridge-Waistcoat-Lily Lulu Hat- Asos- Sunglasses- Market
Way to go! There have been a couple of different times in my life where I’ve reinvented myself. Stopped being a doormat .. allowing others to be unkind to me. I realized people have no idea how to respond when the yes girl starts saying no and doing her own thing. It was far more fun when she was so agreeable all of the time. Most of those people could never embrace the new me .. and eventually fell by the wayside.